676: What Book Impacted Me Most This Year?

It’s another listener Q&A episode and I’m in love with the question that asked what book(s) impacted me most this year!

We also dive into questions including:

  • How do I become more action oriented and not just a dreamer?
  • Why do my addictions transfer? When I have my eating habits squared away, my finances really get out of control. When I rein in my finances, my addiction to exercise spikes! Frustrating!
  • How do you let go of loved ones?
  • What do you do if you have food sensitivities? I can’t eat eggs or avocados (and a few other things) right now.

If you want to get on the wait list for the Winter 2020 12 Weeks to Transformation, you can do so here!

Today’s show sponsor is Four Sigmatic! If you haven’t grabbed their mushroom chocolate, get it before it’s gone and use the coupon code PRIMAL to save 15%!

673: Are There Some Things We Just Need to Accept (About Ourselves)

Can we change everything about ourselves or are there some things we just need to accept? This is one of many topics we’re diving into today on this Q&A episode of the podcast!

  • I know that if you think you’re an emotional eater that is what you’ll live like. But: what if that’s what you really are? And what about being stubborn? Is that a characteristic that is really you or what? Can you really change everything you want or is it that sometimes you need to just accept that that is who you are?
  • How do I push myself to get to my goal?
  • Are values and standards the same thing?
  • My knees hurt, I’m 80 lbs over weight, but my doctor told me I should exercise. I’m working 2 jobs and am in graduate school full time, I’m barely getting my 7 hours of sleep a it is. What can I do?
  • I was wondering if you had any suggestions for adult acne? Can it be cured through one’s diet?

Today we’re giving away a bottle of Mood+! You can enter to win our weekly prizes in any or all of the following 3 ways:

  • Leave a rating and review of the Primal Potential podcast in Apple Podcasts
  • Leave a review of Chasing Cupcakes on Amazon
  • Tag me on IG or FB with your fave Primal Potential episode or something you’ve learned from the show!

669: Managing Misunderstandings (With Yourself & Others)

A misunderstanding has the power to ruin your day. They’re one of the primary drivers of stress, drama and unhappiness (not just at home, but in all walks of life). In theory, overcoming all this is easy, as it involves YOU listening to the other person…

In reality this is hard, and requires a lot of practice and intentionality!

In today’s episode I discuss how to do this, sharing four techniques you can use to minimize the misunderstandings you have with other people (and yourself). If you find yourself wondering how an argument snowballed and began in the first place… this episode is for you.

I’ve written an article that accompanies this, so please read, listen (or both) to ensure you don’t have to suffer with the negative drain misunderstandings have (and on those you care about the most).

IN TODAY’S SHOW YOU WILL LEARN:

  1. How to get your own questions answered in a future episode of the Primal Potential podcast
  2. The dangers of misunderstandings, and the impact they have not just between you and other people, but you and your own internal struggles
  3. About a recent misunderstanding I had with a contractor, and how it inspired this episode
  4. The 4 approaches to minimize misunderstandings, and how to turn the situation from a negative into a positive (full of lessons and growth)
  5. How minimizing misunderstandings doesn’t only create less stress, but improves the quality of your relationships (and life as a whole)
  6. How to manage internal misunderstandings, and the four aspects that often cloud your judgment (that can lead you to miss out on transformational opportunities)
  7. The questions you need to ask yourself in the moment to halt these four destructive patterns
  8. How to train yourself to do all this, and how you don’t have to wait for your next disagreement to put these steps into practice.

TODAY’S RESOURCES:

He tilted his head to one side and sighed… “all I ever hear from you is that this project is never going fast enough,” he said.

My first reaction to this? Woah!

I stood there, frustrated. I could feel it as my fingers bunched together tighter in my palms.

  • I have never said that, I thought.
  • Who does this guy think he is?
  • He’s wrong, and I can’t let him think he’s right about this…

 

I’ll be honest, had this conversation took place a few years ago, those thoughts wouldn’t have remained inside my head. But I’ve learned a lot about myself in recent years, and one of the most important is how to better manage misunderstandings.

Which this clearly was.

How This Misunderstanding Began in The First Place…

To give you some context, this conversation took place between me, my contractor and foreman. As you may know, we’re having our home renovated. A lot goes into this, and there are a lot of moving pieces.

My role is to project manage these, and I recently noticed some changes I hadn’t signed off.

Changes the engineer hadn’t approved, nor the town…

So, I sent a text asking my contractor the reasons why, and also asking to be informed before any future changes are made. As I sent this text, I felt totally within my right and didn’t imagine anything further.

“I think we need to meet in person,” he replied.

The next morning we did, which is when the conversation above took place.

The 4 Techniques to Minimize Misunderstanding

I hadn’t said anything about the project being behind, or that I was unhappy.

However, I clearly must have inferred this at some point for my contractor to feel this way.

I thought one thing…
He had thought another…

And both are valid. What we deem true is often subjective, as we only know what goes on in our own head. We get half of the story, which is where misunderstandings begin.

You don’t need me to tell you how destructive these can be.

I imagine you’ve had arguments with your partner (or someone at work), only to step back later and wonder: how did everything spiral out of control like that?

The reason is nobody took control of the situation and tried to gain understanding from the misunderstanding. Without this, misunderstandings lead to truly negative situations. Yet with this, a misunderstanding is a wonderful opportunity to gain greater insight.

Which I’m happy to say happened this time, between my contractor and I.

This is why…

1: Make it a Priority to Understand Where The Other Person is Coming From

You know how you feel. You know what you meant when you said that thing or sent that email…

However, you have no idea what the other person feels.

Make it a priority to figure this out. Take focus away from you, and place it on to them. Ideally, both parties do this, but so long as one does, a misunderstanding is quickly understood.

You can’t rely on the other person doing it, so take control of the moment and listen to them.

After I took a few breaths, I asked my contractor questions.

  • What did I do or say that made you feel this way?
  • Is there a situation that took place that made you feel I was unhappy?

I quickly learned that he inferred certain things into what I said and actions I took. Did I feel this way, and did I mean for it to come across like that? No. It doesn’t matter. He felt this way. It was true for him.

Learn what’s true for the other person, and you’ll quickly diffuse the situation.

2: Choose a Perspective of Getting it Right Instead of Being Right

In situations like these you often make it worse by focussing on being right, rather than finding the right solution.

Old me would have focussed on this. I’d have hit back straight away in a bid to prove myself right (and therefore, prove him wrong). There’s an important question to ask here, though…

Why? Why is being right important to me?

It isn’t. A boost to your ego, sure… but being right is a lonely place. It doesn’t deliver a solution, and it doesn’t help you (nor the other person) grow. Often, it leads to resentment and further misunderstanding.

So instead of being right, focus all your attention into getting it right.

Once I listened to my contractor, I drew a line in the sand so we could focus on the right solution moving forward. Not only did it alleviate any conflict, but it helped us save a lot of time and money.

3: Own Where YOU Could Have Done Things Differently

The misunderstanding doesn’t end when you walk away from the conversation.

Unless you learn, you’ll likely end up back in the same place further down the line.

Oftentimes this is because you continue to focus on what the other person did wrong.

You’re mad at them.
You’re frustrated.
You want them to own their part of it.

You DO NOT get to control any of this.

You do, on the other hand, get to control you.

  • What could you have done differently?
  • What can you do better in the future?
  • How could you have minimized the misunderstanding in the first place?

I walked away from my contractor wondering how I could better manage this project. I realized I could communicate better and be more clear when I do. It’s not only minimized that particular misunderstanding, but it’s made our working relationship much better since.

4:  Practice Becoming an Expert in Your Ability to Differentiate Between What Actually Happened and How You Feel About What Happened

You don’t have to wait for your next misunderstanding to practice this one.

  • The next time you read an email and read something into it, stop yourself…
  • The next time your partner comes home and seems a little off, stop yourself…
  • The next time you make an assumption toward someone or something, stop yourself…

What do you know? What is factual, and what is a story you made up in your head?
Do you know what the other person means or feels, or are you simply reading into it?

Facts and feelings are different.

Yet we often allow our feelings to rule what we do and how we think. We give everything meaning, and build stories around each piece of life. A lot of the time, these stories are not true.

They breed misunderstanding, and you can actively choose to stop this each and every day.

How To Manage Internal Misunderstandings

These four techniques help you minimize and manage misunderstandings with other people, but often the most damaging misunderstandings are the ones that happen within.

  • The beliefs we form…
  • The stories we create…
  • The excuses we make…

Learning how to manage your internal misunderstandings not only minimizes the ones you have with other people, but it sets you free and releases so much overwhelm and uncertainty.

I talk about how to manage your internal misunderstandings in the podcast episode that accompanies this article. If you’ve taken value from what you’ve read, I encourage you to listen to it in full.

Not only does it provide greater context into the misunderstanding with my contractor, but dives deep into those internal misunderstandings we have with ourselves (the most damaging of all).

It’s these internal misunderstandings that hold us back the most, but the actual impact they have may surprise you. Listen to the latest episode of the Primal Potential podcast in full to find out how…

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Thanks for reading. I encourage you to listen to the episode of the Primal Potential podcast that accompanies this in full, as it walks you through how to manage your internal misunderstandings.

I cannot overestimate how powerful learning this is. Once I did, it changed how I not only communicate with others, but how I figure out the right decisions to make each and every day.

It’s fascinating how it works, and I’m excited to explore it with you in today’s latest episode ⇒

Thanks again for listening and reading. If you have any questions about misunderstandings (either with other people, or those you have with yourself), add them in the comments below.

And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media.

GET INVOLVED:

 

 

667: Transforming Relationships? Listener Q&A

How can you transform a relationship for the sake of accountability? That’s what one listener is asking on today’s Q&A!

We absolutely love listener questions and today we’re tackling a bunch of them! If you have questions for the Saturday show, you can submit them here!

  • I’ve really been enjoying bulletproof coffee. However, the last couple of days it seems to be upsetting my stomach. Any idea why?
  • I understand the value of like-minded people but those closest to me are my partner and my best friend. How can I transform these relationships to help hold me accountable?
  • What is the starting point for someone completely hopeless and paralyzed on his/her health goals and still refuses to seek help?
  • I just recently got dumped by my back up guy. I know that sounds harsh – long story, even longer drama which I will spare you. My question is after two months I still think about him all the time and I read his letter that he wrote. Yesterday your YouTube question about rereading the old chapter hit me in the face. I want to move on so badly. Am I failing because he still pops into my head?
  • How do I stop beating myself up for failures and start celebrating small wins?

Today’s episode is brought to you by Four Sigmatic. You can check out my favorite picks AND get additional savings by shopping through this link.

653: 3 Thoughts on Raising a Daughter that Can Change YOUR Life

Raising a daughter is supposedly one of the hardest yet most satisfying adventures there is. It is without doubt, scary. Soon, I’ll be a mother. I will have a daughter. So much of who she will become is down to me and the example I set.

 

Exciting, yes. 

Terrifying… you bet.

 

The fact I’ll soon be raising a daughter has created a lot of internal questions, and I’m thinking about life in a completely new way. In particular, there are 3 important things on my mind. That’s what I’d like to share with you in today’s episode.

 

Whether you’re raising a daughter or not, these 3 aspects are relevant to you and the journey you’re one. This isn’t about having kids, but rather you being conscious of WHO you are and the example you set (for others, and for yourself).

 

I’ve written an article to accompany this below, which explores my current thoughts into raising a daughter. I hope you take a lot from it, and I hope it empowers you to question the example you set.

 

IN TODAY’S SHOW YOU WILL LEARN:

  1. How I’ve had a mindset shift since getting pregnant, and specifically how my thinking has changed since I learned I was having a daughter
  2. The 3 biggest aspects currently on my mind, questioning how I wish to raise my daughter
  3. Why making changes and thinking differently begins with a choice, and how you can choose to make that right now
  4. How none of this has anything to do with raising a daughter, and how it’s applicable to YOU whether you have kids or not
  5. How the best way to teach is to set an example, not only for those you wish to impact, but also for yourself
  6. How to live a life with NO LIMITS, and how this often begins by revisiting your past
  7. What the two switches in mindset are to help you make immediate changes (right now!)
  8. How to deal with adversity, and continue to smile throughout the hardest of times

TODAY’S RESOURCES:

In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.

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