Earlier in the week, I shared a post on Instagram that got a lot of people talking.
I dove deeper into this idea that you need to create a life you don’t want or need to escape from on the blog, but many people requested that I go even deeper on the podcast, and that’s what we’re doing today!
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The other night, I was sitting on the couch around 8pm and all I could think about was that I wanted some chocolate.
I was actively talking myself into it, making a case for it, justifying it (successfully) and planning what I would get & where I would get it.
Suddenly, I realized that just like I could talk myself into wanting chocolate, I could talk myself into not wanting it.
I didn’t have to rely on self-discipline or willpower, but I could simply make a case for why I didn’t want it.
In today’s episode I’ll show you exactly how I did that and how you can use this approach – willpower & self-discipline not required!
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Many of the emails I get include phrases like:
I just can’t seem to stop eating after dinner…
Once I have one glass of wine, I can’t control myself…
When I’m pre-menstrual, I’m out of control!
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click the play button. Otherwise, keep reading below.
You are 100% in control of what you put in your mouth, how much & when.
Unless someone is tying you to a chair and force feeding you Doritos, you’re the only one in control.
Like I talked about in episode 447, you can convince yourself of anything.
You can convince yourself that you have no control.
You can convince yourself that you have total control.
What is your story convincing you of? Is it helpful or harmful?
Divorce the story.
You’re in control.
You might have a pattern you want to change, but you’re still in control.
Your past choices don’t dictate your present or future ones.
You are free, in this & any other moment, to make a change.
Instead of focusing on changing a long held pattern and what that will take, just focus on today.
What are you able and willing to do today that is an improvement for you?
What are you able & willing to do today to make your choices just a little better than they were yesterday?
You are in control.
One of the primary reasons I wanted to lose weight was that I wanted to feel confident. I was sure that losing weight meant greater confidence & less insecurity.
I was wrong. At 350+ lbs, I really believed that losing weight automatically meant more confidence & I was wrong.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play. Otherwise keep reading below.
I’m sharing this because I strongly believe that one of the reasons people aren’t reaching their goals and aren’t consistently doing the work to create change in their lives is because they don’t know what they really want.
I thought I really wanted weight loss. What I really wanted was confidence. That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to lose weight – I did – but my primary pursuit was more for a feeling than an external target.
Getting that confused cost me a lot of time.
They are under the mistaken assumption that the goal they’re pursuing, whether it’s weight loss or debt reduction or a specific number of dollars in the bank, will deliver an emotional improvement.
That emotional fringe benefit is the thing they really want. That is the thing they should be pursuing.
Confidence. Peace. Happiness. Security.
My friends: those things are sold separately.
They won’t.
Weight loss makes you weigh less.
More money means more money.
These external goals are separate from the internal targets we truly desire.
If anything, it is the internal target, when pursued, that creates the external change in eating or spending habits.
When we feel happier, more confident, more peaceful, more connected, we won’t turn to food, alcohol or shopping as often.
It’s not the other way around, my friends.
That’s what happened with me and I see it every day with my clients.
I wanted to lose weight. I said I wanted it more than anything in the world. I swore up and down that if I could just lose weight, everything would be easier. Everything would be better. I’d be happier. I’d have more friends. I’d be more confident, my marriage would get better.
I was wrong.
Weight loss made me weigh less.
Confidence is sold separately.
If I knew then what I know now, I’d have looked to pinpoint what specific thoughts made me feel that crippling lack of confidence. Thoughts like:
I’m sure we all know someone who isn’t obese, who isn’t even overweight, who thinks that way, right?
Like everyone is judging them? Like they’re too big to wear that thing or everyone is watching what they eat?
Those thoughts are independent of weight. They’re not about your size. They’re about your mind.
They are assumptions. Detrimental assumptions and dangerous mental & emotional patterns.
This is the trap, my friends. Even if your pursuit isn’t confidence, we have to do the mindset work first and foremost.
When I got clear on what was eroding my confidence, I was able to address it more directly. Here’s what that means to me:
If you aren’t careful, you’re going to do what most people do:
Work so hard to hit an external target only to end up unfulfilled by the achivement.
You’ll lose weight and put it back on.
You’ll get that new relationship and then sabotage it.
You’ll pay down debt and simply accrue it again.
Know how you want to feel.
Know the ways you’re contributing to not feeling that now.
Change your mindset.
Change your behavior.
Change your life.
You guys. This morning I sat with my cup of coffee and watched episode 1 of Tom Vs Time, the Facebook Watch documentary on Tom Brady (I’ve embedded it at the bottom of this post).
And look, you don’t have to like Tom Brady or the Patriots – you don’t even have to respect him – but there’s not a single one of us who can’t learn something from him or be inspired by his story.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click the play button. Otherwise, keep reading. (I’ve embedded the episode at the bottom of this post, as well.)
Watching it was such a great start to my day. It got me thinking about how I can be more focused and harder working today. I love those kinds of challenges.
Sure, I’m not a professional athlete and I’m not looking for the level of intensity in my life that Tom Brady chooses for his life, but I do want to win. I do want a great life. And if you’re reading this, I think you do, too.
I don’t watch these kinds of things for entertainment. I see them as tools. How can I use this to make me better? How can I use this to make creating change easier & more fun?
Today I want to share my thoughts on this episode with you and take it from being about Tom Brady to being about all the rest of us.
In the interview, Tom opens by saying:
How many people will treat this like a rhetorical question?
It’s not rhetorical. Answer it.
What are you willing to do? What are you willing to give up?
And are you just saying you’re willing? Or are you actually doing it?
The clock is ticking on all of us. For how much longer are you going to choose mediocre when you want excellent?
For how much longer are you going to brush off today and pledge to be better tomorrow?
You’re wasting time.
The clock is ticking.
You might start thinking about things you are willing to give up and then immediately talk yourself out of it because you don’t want to live without sugar or without television or whatever that thing is that you initially thought of.
Look, I get it. But it’s not binary. What are you willing to choose less of? What are you willing to move away from? What are you willing to give less time, energy or money to? Don’t stop pursuing this idea because you don’t like the idea of “giving up forever”.
What are you willing to give up just for today?
What are you willing to dial back on?
Television? Sugar? Alcohol? Gas station food? Vending machine food? Gossiping? Complaining?
What will you do about it today?
Amen. In episode 441 of the Primal Potential podcast I talk about no longer participating in the problems of your life, but exclusively participating in solutions.
This Brady quote brings me back to that resolution.
Put it all aside. What everyone else is doing. What went wrong yesterday. The time you’ve wasted. The fears about this weekend or next week or a year from now.
Put it aside and focus on what you’ve gotta do.
One of the daily questions within the Fat Loss Fast Track journal is “What are 3 opportunities I have to win today?”
Focus. Identify today’s opportunities. Act of them.
At one point in the short episode 1 of Tom vs Time he’s talking about the 2016 SuperBowl when they were losing to the Atlanta Falcons. Tom threw an interception and the Falcons scored. He knew that if they lost, that would have been one of the defining plays of the game.
In the episode he calmly says: “It didn’t define the game.”
Guys, we all have that choice.
What just happened doesn’t define your life. The last 30 years don’t define your life. The last 5 years of struggle don’t define your life…
…If you decide to take control and make a change.
You get to choose where your story goes from here. Your health. Your fitness. Your attitude. Focus. Motivation. Progress.
You can either say, “I’ve screwed it all up” and stop trying, or you can bring a new level of effort to this day and create a different outcome. A winning gameplan.
It won’t happen by wishing, hoping and wanting.
There’s no whining. There’s no complaining. Those don’t create change. In fact, they waste your time, energy & opportunity.
You win when you play harder. Try harder. Work harder.
Do you expect to win without trying? Just because you want it?
Are you being a victim of your circumstances saying you can’t win without sacrificing your life? Working hard doesn’t mean you can’t play hard, too.
That’s not true.
But you can’t be a victim.
I’ll leave you with the words of Gisele:
Take the time to watch Tom Vs Time episode 1! Let me know what you’re going to do with the inspiration you get from it! It’s not enough to be inspired, we have to take action on what moves us.
Get to work!
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