Year of Push 3.14 Initiation of Negotiation

There are few hard and fast rules in life. Very few things are true without exception. Most things aren’t black and white.

This blog post is included. This is not a hard and fast rule. It’s not always true, but it’s OFTEN true.

Everyone on the same page about that? With that up front disclaimer, here’s what is true most of the time:

If you are negotiating with yourself, you shouldn’t do what you’re negotiating for.

The initiation of negotiation is your red light.

For example, maybe you tell yourself, “Well, if I have this cookie, I’ll eat super clean tomorrow” or “I worked out really hard this morning so this cupcake is kind of cancelled out…”

That’s negotiation. It’s bargaining. And it’s a red flag.

It’s a process of seeking permission, from yourself, for something that you know you shouldn’t do and will likely wish you hadn’t done.

I’ll give you a much more subtle example from my own life. Yesterday was Thursday. In the afternoon, I drove down to Cape Cod, about a 2 hour drive in traffic, had dinner with some friends and spent the night there.

I have to be back there tonight. Friday night, but before agreeing to go down on Thursday, I promised myself I’d come back on Friday morning for my normal workout and my chiropractor appointment.

That means 2 hrs in the car Thursday afternoon, 90 minutes Friday morning and probably 2+ hours Friday afternoon. (Traffic going to the Cape during the summer can be a real bitch.)

Thursday night at 11pm rolls around and I’m hanging out with my friends thinking, “I could totally just stay down here. Skip the traffic. Cancel my chiropractor appointment and workout at a gym here.”

All logical points. But, for me, the initiation of negotiation in and of itself is a flag.

I had already made a decision. I’m sticking with it.

I got up at 4:30am, hit the road, got to the gym, did my work and saw my chiropractor.

While that’s a more subtle example than the cookies, the point is the same.

We make an initial commitment to workout, to eat a certain way or to be in bed by a certain time and then we start to bargain with ourselves to get out of it, delay, defer or cut corners.

The initiation of negotiation is your flag that you’re attempting to justify something you know isn’t aligned with your goals & intentions.

While I could easily have justified changing my plans and staying on the Cape, that’s not the point. It’s not about whether or not I can justify it.

I’m training myself to pay attention to when negotiation begins and cut it off as quickly as possible.

I don’t want to waste time & energy playing mental ping pong. In addition to being exhausting, it undercuts my best intentions and my progress towards my goals.

I was feeling really proud when I got to the gym this morning and it was a super fun partner workout.

“Tag Team”
Teams of 2, AMRAP 20:
12/9 Calorie Bike
12/9 Calorie Row
12 Thrusters (65/45)

*Partners complete full rounds, then switch.

I pushed hard on this one and feel really proud of my effort, especially after a late-for-me night and earlier than normal morning!

On the food front:

Hungry freakin’ hippo. I’ve shared with you guys before that I’m extra hungry days 25-30ish of my cycle and here we are in that window again! But I’m always expecting it & aware of it, so I simply eat more. Brilliant, eh? More veggies. More protein. More rest (when I can).

I was dying for coffee on my drive back from the Cape in the wee hours of the morning but I had to wait until I got home where I chugged a butter coffee from Picnik before my workout.

I had to return a bunch of emails before my chiropractor appointment so it wasn’t until about 1pm that I was able to get in a good meal – a cobb salad from Paleo Power Meals.

Around 4pm I had a salad from Chipotle Mexican Grill (no rice, no beans) – man I love that place. Every time I eat there I think, “I should eat here more often!”

I have no idea what my dinner plans are but I know this ahead of time: whole foods only, no starch, no alcohol. I had a drink last night (actually only had half of it, but still) so I’m keeping it lean & clean tonight!

I can absolutely enjoy my weekends without booze!

PS: If you’re new to these posts, listen to this podcast episode to get the scoop on what changes I’m making in my life and you can start back at my first daily post here.

Year of Push 3.13 Not Pursuing Perfection

Today is day 3 of a 30 day challenge I’m doing with my Masters Club. We each defined 1 standard for ourselves in each of 3 areas: nutrition, movement & lifestyle. You either get 1 point for hitting the standard or zero points for not hitting it. Super simple.

My nutrition standard for the challenge is: whole foods only, no snacks.

Does that mean I’ll ONLY have whole foods for 30 days & that I’ll not have any snacks?

Nope, surely not.

As I explained to my clients, the goal of the challenge is to set a standard that challenges you to do better. It’s not something you can easily nail every day.

Perfection is NOT the goal. Doing better than you’ve been doing is the goal.

Many of the Masters Club members were hemming and hawing over standards, not wanting to set themselves up to miss points.

I think anyone who gets a perfect score didn’t set their standards high enough.

As I set each of my 3 standards, I was looking for things that I’d have to work for. Standards that would stretch me and help me make the best choices possible.

If I hit them 75-80% of the time I’ll be totally thrilled.

Sometimes I’ll intentionally NOT hit them. Today is one of those days.

I’m headed down to the Cape tonight and I have dinner & after-dinner plans. I’ve decided ahead of time that I won’t drink at dinner but I will have one drink after dinner.

That means no points for today’s challenge in that area.

I’m cool with that.

Why? Because this is life. Because my choice still represents an improvement for me, it’s a choice I can feel proud of and because I believe life is about balance.

I’m not pursuing my goals with the expectation of perfection.

I am pursuing my goals in a way that makes me feel great about my life and my choices.

Sometimes that means a drink or a dessert. Often it doesn’t. Both are okay!

One of the 3 areas where we set standards is movement (which doesn’t have to mean exercise) and I definitely hit that with today’s workout.

Holy smokes it was a tough one!

“Filthy 50”
50 Box Jumps
50 Jumping Pull-ups
50 Kettlebell Swings (35/25#)
50 Walking Lunges
50 Toes-to-Bar
50 Push Press (45/35)
50 Hip Extensions (45/35)
50 Wallballs (20/14#)
50 Burpees
50 Double-unders

In hindsight, I could have and should have gone faster on the burpees. I was super tired and took too much time breathing at the top and the bottom of each rep.

I’m not disappointed though – I beat the time I hoped to beat and I learned for next time!

And: good golly are my shoulders smoked (and I can TOTALLY see more definition in my shoulders and back, which is so exciting!)

On the food front:

I had a kitchen fail this morning! I had a butter coffee from Picnik before my workout and I was super hungry after the workout. I had half a can of coconut milk (the part liquid, part solid kind) in the fridge so I thought I’d blend it up with some cold brew coffee & collagen. Sounds good, right?

It wasn’t. It’s not that it was bad, it just wasn’t great.

In the past, I’d have drank it anyway since it was there, but these days I’m far more discerning. If I’m going to eat or drink something, it’s gotta be GOOD.

I poured it out and had a cobb salad instead.

Before hitting the road I had some spaghetti squash bolognese and I sipped on a Zevia energy drink on the road.

At dinner, I’m planning to have salmon & veggies and I’ve put a couple cans of La Croix sparkling water in my pursue to mix with a shot of vodka for after dinner. I’ll just order a shot of vodka & a tall glass of ice and mix them myself.

Make it a great day!

PS: If you’re new to these posts, listen to this podcast episode to get the scoop on what changes I’m making in my life and you can start back at my first daily post here.

Year of Push 3.12 Insults & Observations

After my workout this morning, I was cooling down on a bike. An older woman came up to me and said, “Great job on that run!

Thanks. Running isn’t yet a strength but I’m working on it.

We chatted a little about how she doesn’t run due to her bad knees and at some point she said, referring to the running portion of the workout I had just finished,

“I know how hard it can be. You’re so slow…”

I kind of smiled, wondering if she realized that she just told me I was not only slow but “so slow“.

Wait. Was that an insult? An observation? Both? A compliment?

Here’s why I’m telling you this:

  • It wasn’t an insult
  • My perspective on what she said determines how I feel about it
  • I can be hurt by what she said, I can be helped by what she said or it can have no impact at all. It’s up to me. 

At some point in the not-too-distant past, I’d have been hurt by that. I’d have immediately decided that this woman is a rude bitch. I would have been indignant: you don’t know where I started! Mind your own damn business! OMG does everyone think I’m “so slow”? I don’t belong here… How embarrassing.

I would have thought about the comment all day and probably for a couple of days and each time it would sting and trigger feelings of judgement and inadequacy. 

And, that type of emotional cascade would happen EVERY TIME someone said something to which I could find a way to take offense.

Basically, I wasn’t emotionally stable. Someone’s glance, comment or lack of a friendly smile could send me into a self-conscious tailspin. 

Not anymore.

I want to share with you how I processed it today.

First, there was definitely a moment of, “Does she realize she just told me I’m so slow?”

But there was also this:

  • She was complimenting me, not criticizing. She noticed how hard I worked through a challenging workout & she was being empathetic.
  • Relative to the athletes at this gym, I AM slow. That’s also why I came here. To be challenged & get better. So, she’s 100% right
  • I am faster than I was 3 years ago and also faster than I was 3 months ago
  • Showing up & doing this workout today helps me get even faster
  • Every time someone says something that I COULD allow to ruffle my feathers but I choose not to, I get better and stronger. She gave me that gift of practice

Whether it’s someone commenting on your weight, your speed, your food choices, your outfit or anything in between, YOU are in control of how you take it & how you react to it. 

This isn’t always easy. We need lots of practice. Every time it happens is a chance to practice.

Oftentimes, my clients are rubbed the wrong way by feedback I give them. That’s their choice and it doesn’t have to do with me.

It’s not what I say, it’s what they think about what I say.

They have a choice. They can see the criticism in it, or they can see the opportunity in it. 

What’s true about the statement, if anything? How can you use it to make you better?

At a bare minimum, feedback, insults, criticisms or observations give us a chance to practice NOT becoming attached to & dramatic about someone else’s words or actions. 

At most, there’s some truth in it that we can learn & grow from.

If it bothers you, it’s because of what YOU make of it, not because of what was said. 

It’s not someone’s comments that upset us, it’s our thoughts about their comments. 

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s powerful. Incredibly powerful, actually.

Here’s that workout my new gym-friend commented on:

“The Running Dead”
3 RFT:
600m Run
16 Deadlifts (225/155)
60 Double-unders

I was really proud that I went unbroken on all 3 sets of deadlifts and stayed really consistent with both my run & jump rope.

On the food front:

Started the day with butter coffee from Picnik. I wasn’t hungry after my workout – I think I was too tired to be hungry!

Around 11am I had a cobb salad with added cabbage and a whole lot of water.

I was craving a shake today so I blended up a concoction of coconut cream, almond milk, frozen cauliflower, a zevia energy drink & cacao powder. It was pretty darn good! I used the cola flavor that I don’t enjoy as much but it worked really well here, adding flavor & a touch of sweetness.

Dinner was paleo power meals: steak frites (sweet potato fries).

Gotta eat foods you love that love you back! No sacrifice here!

 

Love you guys! Make it a great day!

PS: If you’re new to these posts, listen to this podcast episode to get the scoop on what changes I’m making in my life and you can start back at my first daily post here.

 

 

 

 

 

Year of Push 3.11 It’s Not Optional

Certain things in my life aren’t optional. The list isn’t long, but it absolutely exists. Some of them are silly, but I think it’s important to know what isn’t optional and why it is that it’s not optional for you.

For example, here are a few things that aren’t optional for me:

  • Working out Monday-Friday (Saturdays & Sundays are optional. I usually do workout those days, but it’s an option)
  • Brushing my teeth before bed and before my morning shower
  • Wearing clean clothes
  • Shutting off the lights before I leave the house

Some of those things seem silly, right? I mean, they almost seem obvious, but they aren’t. Hear me out.

I’m far less interested in WHAT isn’t optional for you than I am in WHY it’s not optional.

The reason this matters is because many of us have made making good food choices, having a good attitude and moving our bodies OPTIONAL. They are things we do when we feel like it, versus the short list of things we do whether we feel like it or not.

I often don’t feel like brushing my teeth. Many nights I wished there was someone to do it for me. Lazy, I know. But even in those lazy moments, I force myself to get up & brush my teeth before bed.

So why is it that some things are optional an some things aren’t?

What makes things not optional? Our attitude and perspective about them. 

It is the way we think about something that makes it optional or not.

If you want to move a behavior from the “optional” to “not optional” category, you’ve got to start by changing how you think about it.

For example, if you think to yourself, “I’ll brush my teeth in the morning. I’m too tired. One night of not brushing them isn’t a big deal”, brushing your teeth is optional.

This is how many people think about food, fitness, journaling, self-care and a whole host of other behaviors we want to consistently execute.

It’s your thoughts about the activity, chosen repeatedly & consistently over time, that makes an activity not optional.

One of the ways to make this shift is to explore the grey area – the area between doing it perfectly or not doing it at all.

Sticking with the brushing your teeth example, instead of seeing it as black & white, either you brush your teeth or you don’t, take advantage of the shades of grey. “I’ll do a super fast brush. Something is better than nothing!

Or, instead of seeing this as a day where you either eat “healthy” or you don’t, you find a way to do a little of both. Maybe you plan to eat clean, fat loss friendly foods AND have one special treat.

Instead of seeing the day as a workout day or a rest day, maybe you do 5 minutes of body weight movements at home instead of skipping your workout all together.

No matter how you approach it, you can absolutely move activities from the “optional” to the “not optional” category by changing how you think about them. This happens choice by choice.

The only thing that got me to the gym today is that I’ve trained myself to see that as a not-optional activity.

With cumulative soreness from Sunday & Monday, my body was feeling pretty uncomfortable this morning. Instead of thinking to myself, “I don’t know if I can do 30 clean & jerks for time” I thought: I can show up & warm up. That’s the first step and that’s a step I can take.

“Grace”
For Time:
30 Clean & Jerks (85#)

It was a fast, fun workout and sure enough, I felt excited to get after it once I was done warming up. After the workout I did 100 cals on the Airdyne bike before heading the chiropractor.

Guys, let today be the day you really focus on changing your perspective on the things you don’t want to be optional.

On the food front:

Can I tell you how happy I was to wake up before my 5am alarm? After a busy weekend & a hard workout yesterday, I was totally beat. I went to bed at 8:45 last night and got up around 4:45 this morning. I’m so happy to be feeling more rested!

I kicked off the day with butter coffee from Picnik and then headed to the gym. I had to go straight to the chiropractor from the gym & was feeling pretty hungry when I got home.

I pulled a salad out of the fridge but put it back and had a few grilled chicken strips instead. I want to explain my thought process here in case it helps any of you:

I prefer to eat a more substantial meal in the early afternoon than in the morning. See, I’m a little more tired then, a little more bored & restless and I often find myself wanting to snack.

Instead of having that munchie feeling in the afternoon, I’ll have my “lunch” or early afternoon meal be my largest. I want it to take the longest to eat and fill me up most of all my meals.

So, as I pulled the salad out of the fridge I thought, “As much as this would be awesome right now, I think having it later will make my food choices easier. I’ll have this bigger meal to look forward when I want it the most.”

Around 2pm I mixed the cobb salad with a whole bunch of raw, shredded cabbage and really took my time eating it. Totally hit the spot!

I think it’s important to pay attention to when it makes sense to have your biggest meal.

I used to make breakfast my largest meal but, with my workouts in the morning, I find that if I can hold myself over with a smaller meal, food choices are easier with my biggest meal in the early afternoon.

Know thyself & remember that everything changes! The key is paying attention & doing what makes you feel your best AND gets you the results you’re after.

Dinner was spaghetti squash bolognese from Paleo Power Meals.

PS: If you’re new to these posts, listen to this podcast episode to get the scoop on what changes I’m making in my life and you can start back at my first daily post here.

341: Motivational Minisode

341: Motivational Minisode

I had a particularly motivating morning the other day. However, it didn’t start out that way. It started out with an onslaught of self-doubt, excuses and self-imposed limitations.

I am not immune to negativity & excuses. I have just as many doubts & excuses as the next person. Sometimes they win. Often, they don’t.

In today’s motivational minisode I’m sharing my motivational morning and how I work through real limitations without letting them dictate my decisions.

Listen Now

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