“To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” ~ Charlie Munger
For most of my life, my only approach to fat loss was more restriction and more deprivation. I was so caught up in the misery of the problem that I wasn’t being strategic in my approach. I returned to a strategy, over and over again, that didn’t work for me.
In today’s episode we’re going to talk about the common strategies people repeat that don’t work as well as alternatives that do work. The goal of today’s episode is to help you recognize where you have great intentions but terrible results so you can adjust your approach to one that is both sustainable and effective.
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
Since launching Primal Potential, there’s a quote that keeps me headed in the right direction.
Part of knowing who you are is knowing who you’re not.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
Though I use it most often to help me find direction in business, I think it’s a great navigational concept for all areas of our lives and all decisions we make. Knowing who, how and what you don’t want to be can be a powerful tool!
I thought I’d take a few minutes today to share how I use this idea first in business, then in my personal life.
When starting a new company or launching a new brand, I’d argue that knowing who you’re not is just as important, if not more important, than knowing who you are. It’s easy to watch what other people are doing and think you should be doing it too. I see lots of people suffering from fear of missing out when they watch online personalities take a certain approach or move in a certain direction. The only way I’ve personally avoided that trap is by continuing to be clear on and constantly evaluate who I am and who I’m not.
I’m not the face of Primal Potential. I take no issue with people who are the star of their brands – good for them. There’s nothing wrong with that approach but it’s not my approach. I am the star of my own life but I don’t want to be the star of yours. You are.
The focus of Primal Potential isn’t me, it’s you. I continue to be amazed by how that clarity of who I am and who I’m not simplifes my business and directs the decisions I make.
Personally, it’s been equally as effective. I’ve changed a lot in the last few years. Though my body has changed dramatically, my mind has changed far more. There have absolutely been moments when I’ve not been entirely sure who I am. That’s when I turn to who I’m not.
I’m not someone who gets dramatic over choices I make. I’m not going to beat myself up over my decisions. If I don’t like my choices or results, I’ll change them. No drama. I’m not a victim.
I’m not a complainer. Yes, there are days when I’m tired, unfocused, unmotivated or just down. I’m not someone who focuses on the problems in my life. I’m someone who participates in solutions.
I’m not an attention seeker. I don’t need to impress you or anyone else. I don’t need to wave the flag of the changes I’ve created in my life. I’m way more interested in helping you reach your goals and hustling towards my own.
I use this concept in my romantic relationships, too. I learn more and improve more by getting clear on the kind of girlfriend I don’t want to be than focusing on the kind of girlfriend I am. I don’t want to be dimissive or vacant. I don’t want to be distracted. I don’t want to be critical. From there, I understand much more clearly how and who I do want to be. I want to be present. I want to be patient. I want to be supportive and generous. With that clarity, I challenge myself to identify how I can show up that way today.
Part of knowing who you are is knowing who you’re not.
What can you do with this idea today? Make it a great day!
Last week I opened up registration to the Fall 12 Weeks to Transformation coaching group. I got a lot of emails about questions and concerns from people who really want to change but have a backlog of failures. There’s a common theme I see in all these emails:
People identify with their past patterns more than they do with their present potential. Friends: the way you’ve done things before isn’t the only way they can be done. You can choose, in any moment, a new response.
If you’d rather listen to this email than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
Let’s look at one particular email that came in and how I responded.
Hi, Elizabeth!
I REALLY want to join your 12-week program because I love everything you put out and believe in what you do. But I’m scared it’s going to just be another “thing” I sign up for and never fully commit to or follow through. I’m an e-course junkie and I know that’s out of your hands but I really DO want to make some changes with my health/mindset/motivation. The bottom line is this: I’m lazy. I’m gung-ho for a while and then I go back to my old patterns and I don’t seem to be able to stop the cycle.
What are your thoughts?
My thoughts? Glad you asked! I’ll tell you!
You are able to stop the cycle. Just because you haven’t created that change does not in any way mean you aren’t able.
There are two approaches you can take to this reality of having failed to create change in the past. One is the approach she has taken in the email above. You decide that the way you have been before is the way you are. If you decide that you will continue you behave the way you have before, you’ll get what you’ve gotten before. If that’s the perspective you choose, I’d agree that you shouldn’t spend your money on “another thing”.
Here’s the other thing that jumps out at me. She isn’t saying she has been lazy. She’s saying it’s who she is. It’s her identity. The only thing I can say in response to that: If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.If you tell me you’re lazy, I believe you. I also believe that you can be something else. Anything else.
Here’s another approach she (and you) can take.
I have been lazy before. I have failed to do the work before. But that’s not the story I want to continue to live into. I’m ready to change. I want to be different and I know that requires I think differently.
“Elizabeth, how can we work together to make sure I approach this differently and create a different result? I’m ready to stop limiting myself with my past choices and I’m excited for your help. What’s the first step?”
I emailed her back and said, essentially, “Do you want to continue to live into that story you told me? Or are you ready to create a new one?“
September is a natural time to check in with yourself and course-correct as needed. Summer is over, the kids are back to school, and the new year is right around the corner. Just this past weekend I sat down with my journal to check-in with myself and my goals. In today’s episode I’m sharing the questions I asked myself as well as a webinar from my winter 12 Weeks To Transformation veterans group. In that webinar, we did a quick check of the basics, a quick check of attitude and perspective, and then dove into breaking down one of the major barriers to change: your story about your past and your problems.
If you listen to this podcast, you have great intentions. Are those intentions backed up with action? Consistent action? Are you getting results? Would a coach help? How? What’s the difference between having me as your coach and listening to the podcast? We are diving deep into all these questions today!
