You’re A Liar

YOU'RE A LIAR

Does that sting a little? I hear ya. It stings for me as I write it.

Let’s go ahead and get the tough stuff out of the way: If say you’ll do something and you don’t do it, you are a liar.

Hold off on the urge to talk about your intentions, your extenuating circumstances, etc. I know, I know. You’re busy. You’re stressed. You’re tired. You’re tried. You really intended to do it…

Let’s just get real. If you say you’re going to pick up your friend from the airport and you don’t do it, you broke a promise. Then, what if the next day you say you’ll meet a different friend for lunch and you no-show? You broke a promise. Then, later that day you tell your spouse that you’ll bring home dinner but then come home empty-handed; you did it again. When you do this every day – have this wide gap between what you said you’ll do and what you actually did – you’re a liar. And most people will also think you’re kind of a jerk, right?

Now, you’re probably thinking, “I’d never do that. If I tell someone I’m going to do something, I do it.” I hear you.

But what about when that “someone” is you?

What about when you make a promise to yourself? How often do you follow through? Or are you a liar?

Gulp.

How often do you say things like:

I’m going to make great food choices today.

I’m going to get to the gym today.

I’m going to drink more water today.

I’m going to get to bed by 10.

I’m going to track my food.

I’m going to pass on the wine or dessert.

And how often do you follow through? Or how often do you break your promise?

There is NO ONE that your word should be more valuable to than YOU. You are in dangerous territory if you think it’s more important to keep promises to other people than it is to keep promises to yourself.

If you routinely lie to yourself, everything you commit to is negotiable. When you declare, “I’m going to make good choices”, you instantly know it’s optional. It’s open for debate. It’s subject to your mood and your motivation. Why? Because it ALWAYS is!!!! This will make change nearly impossible until you develop the trust and confidence that you do what you say you’ll do. Period. No matter what.

The other day I had a particularly hard workout. Ok, it was brutal. It felt awful. I was miserable. I had to stop. I was sucking wind and I felt like I was going to be sick and I had to stop. I’m pretty sure I was overheating. I stopped when I still had 11 burpees to go. I stepped out and caught my breath for a few minutes. Then I went back and finished. Why? Because I had set in my mind that I was going to complete the workout. I told myself I would finish and I keep my promises to myself. My workouts aren’t optional. My WORD is not optional. They aren’t “try your best and stop when it’s hard”. They’re just not. When I decide I’m going to do something, I do it. Is it always in the time I thought? No. Is it always at the pace I thought? No. But I finish. I caught my breath. I cooled down a little. And then I finished. Because I don’t want to start thinking that things are optional. I don’t lie to myself. Lying to myself got me to 300+ lbs and I’m not that girl anymore. I finish. I follow through. I keep my promises.

So what do you do? How can you shift this pattern? How can you become a person of your word? How can you learn to follow through and trust yourself?

  1. Start small. Super small. Make a micro promise to yourself AND KEEP IT. This can be something as small as, “I’m going to drink a glass of water first thing in the morning”. Wake up and drink the dang water. Every single day until it’s a habit. Or you might say, “I’m going to have a fat loss friendly breakfast.” Don’t worry about the rest of the day but NAIL BREAKFAST. Do it every day. Do it whether you’re at home, on the road, whether you want to or you don’t. Keep the small promise. Make it VERY small. And then KEEP it.
  2. Stop debating with yourself. We do this all the time. We decide ahead of time that we’re going to the gym in the morning but the alarm goes off and we start debating. “I could sleep for just 5 minutes. Or maybe I should go tomorrow instead. I could probably squeeze it in later today. I didn’t sleep well so I’m going to get an extra hour of sleep instead.” We teach ourselves that our word means nothing and everything is open to debate. When that alarm goes off and the internal debate begins – SHUT IT OFF. “Nope. This isn’t debatable. Yup, I could talk myself out of it but I’m not doing that”. Recognize the urge to debate and then don’t do it.

Here’s your challenge: This week, make one promise to yourself each day AND KEEP IT. This doesn’t mean make 20 promises to yourself and keep one. It means make only one promise and then keep it. You should never get in the habit of over promising and under delivering. That will not help you reach your goals. Make one promise. Follow through. Build trust in yourself and your word. You know what, let’s help each other stay accountable – leave a comment with your ONE promise and let me know when you’ve executed! This is the first step to lasting change!


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18 replies
  1. Audra
    Audra says:

    Oh, man. I love this. I need my fair share of encouragement and kindness, but honestly? Sometimes I just need someone to call me out on my own bullsh*t. On all the ways I CONSTANTLY show up for everyone but myself. On all the ways I let myself slide when I’d never do it to people I love.

    Thank you. Tough love is underrated.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Benton
      Elizabeth Benton says:

      Hey Audra! So glad this was a message you needed to hear! Thanks for letting me know! You’re so right about sometimes needing people to call us out. I know I need that allll the time! Never hesitate to reach out if I can help in any way! That’s why I’m here 🙂

      Reply
  2. Renata
    Renata says:

    I cant believe I almost lied to myself again. I was about to write a promise to myself and I was already negotiating how I was going to work around it. I will not eat one carb before 12 noon, after a protein or fat. I don’t think I can go the whole monty to the evening meal.

    Let me not lie to you, the carb I’m thinking about is chocolate and I do have it about three times a week, I’m not talking weekends.

    Reply
      • Renata
        Renata says:

        Thanks Elizabeth, I have also started drinking exclusively from glass. Small changes. I have lost like 19kg approx. 40 pounds the last 8 months. Started doing LCHF, loved choc’S to much and I started dreaming of bread. Then went on a VLC (very low cal diet) with a cheat day to fool leptin (couldn’t sustain). Now I do intermittent fasting, moved up from 16:8 to two 24 hour, now I do 36 hours, twice a week. I went a little crazy on my no fast days and became a junk food monster but I’ve been listening to your podcasts a lot and I appreciate the tough love sometimes. I also know I have screwed up my hormones somewhat . I appreciate you and it feels like your speaking my language. Thank you so much, my willpower was dwindling a week ago and I couldn’t remember why I had to continue, I mean everyone was telling me how good I looked, I thought I could take a break.(Your analogy of the alcoholic and a beer) I stumbled across your podcasts and now my goal is focused again. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

        Reply
  3. Amanda
    Amanda says:

    ahahaha, I am laughing to myself, but not like a belly laugh, like that “oh you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar” and you’re gonna laugh it off kinda laugh.

    I read the title: you’re a liar… and I immediately was like NOPE. that’s one thing I’m NOT! And then I gulped, read on, and just nodded my head the whole way. I keep promising myself to get to bed at a reasonable hour because I want to get up early and work out… it’s been bad. So I promise myself that I will go to bed before 11 p.m. every night this week!

    Reply
  4. David
    David says:

    Its amazing that at this very moment I was debating going to the gym. Plenty of reasons to debate. I haven’t finished my chores, Its a long commute (I don’t have a vehicle and live in NYC. The gym is in long island) etc, etc. Guess what? I’m on my way to the gym at 6P this evening. Thank you!! 🙂

    Reply

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