Hi, friends! It’s Elizabeth here, and I am so excited to share Episode 772 of Primal Potential with you today! Primal Potential is a podcast all about you — your ability to change is not defined by yesterday and doesn’t need to wait until tomorrow. Your transformation is now, no matter what stage you find yourself in life!
I’ve got a powerful tool to share with you in today’s episode. I’m really excited about this one because I’ve used this tool in my own life, and it can be amazingly helpful as you’re setting your priorities and working toward your goals.
That’s why I really want you to sit down with a pen and paper and get ready to workshop through this one. And have a specific goal in mind. Think through all the goals you have in your life—and this could be anything! It could be a weight loss goal. Maybe you want to be kinder to your partner or start a business or run a marathon or stop snapping at your children. Just pick one goal to focus on right now and stick with it for the next few minutes while you read this post!
And don’t be afraid to stop, think, write, and reflect for yourself while you go through today’s episode! Use that pause button while you listen to the podcast and lean into this process of writing down your thoughts and feelings as we talk through this incredibly useful tool together.
I’m so glad you’ve chosen to tune in today! This is a powerful episode, and I genuinely believe it will help you reframe your thinking around your goals and help you achieve genuine transformation! So with that, let’s dive in!
It’s the Second “Yes” That Matters
Think about your goal. Are you thinking about it? Okay, good! Now here’s the first question I want to invite you to consider: Does your goal have your yes? Or does your goal have your “if I feel like it”?
Let me explain a little. Sometimes — and I’m talking to myself here too! — we can establish goals with the absolute best of intentions. But when obstacles pop up and make it hard to continue maintaining our healthy habits and challenges disrupt us in the pursuit of our goals, often, all our good intentions fly right out the window! So ask yourself: Does my goal have my full commitment? Or is this particular goal the first thing I throw aside when I’m not feeling motivated?
I was listening to a sermon a couple of weeks ago that explained it in terms of a marriage. Whether you’re married or not, think about this in terms of standing at the altar. What’s the classic line? “I do.” And that’s great! You’ve just committed to another person, and that’s important.
But it’s not the most critical time you’ll say yes to that person. Let me say that again: That first yes is not what matters. It’s the second yes that really matters. It’s the 22nd yes, and the 222nd yes and so on that define your commitment to this person and your marriage. What matters is that you continue to say yes to this person day after day, year after year, in the moments when you’re tired and unmotivated, when life hasn’t turned out the way you thought it would, and when you’re going through a rough patch in the relationship.
Think back to your goal. Does it have your yes? Well, you’ve said yes to it the first time; otherwise, it wouldn’t be a goal! But what about on the days when you feel discouraged? Maybe you have a weight loss goal. Does that goal have your yes when you’re up and awake and energized and ready to work out? Probably! Does that goal still have your yes when you’re tired and tempted to pick up a pint of ice cream on your way home from work? Maybe not. That second yes is the one that counts.
That’s why it’s crucial to be mindful of your emotional state when you say yes to your goals. Let me just give you an example from my own life. I’ll just tell you, I never say yes to the goal of speaking more kindly to my husband, Chris, when I’m feeling angry or frustrated or annoyed! No, I say yes to that goal when I’m out for a walk, enjoying the fresh air, listening to a podcast, and feeling encouraged and happy!
It’s easy to say yes to speaking kindly to my husband in those moments when I’m feeling happy and content. But what about when I get home from my walk? What about when I walk back in even though we said he was going to take the trash out, do the dishes, and start dinner, he’s sitting on the couch watching a movie? In moments of frustration like that, it is so much harder to say yes to my goal of speaking more kindly to him, right?
The Conditional Yes vs. The Unconditional Yes
That’s why it’s so critical to reckon with the fact that we’re all going to have times when we just don’t feel positive and fired up, and we don’t want to give our goals an unconditional yes. I’m not trying to tell you it’s easy! Commitment to your goals, even on the days when it’s difficult, is not an easy thing at all!
But there’s good news: You already have plenty of experience with the unconditional yes.
Think about your job. When you say yes to your employer about your job, that yes is not conditional, right? You’re not going to tell your supervisor, “I mean, I know I said yes, but I wasn’t really feeling it, so I decided not to come in today,” right? Of course not! If the yes you gave to your job and your career was conditional, you would not have a job! You would not have a paycheck, and when money is on the line, it’s much easier to see the problem the conditional yes.
Here’s another example: think about feeding your kids. Would you give a conditional yes to feeding your kids? Of course not! You’re going to feed your kids every day, no matter what. You feed your kids on the days when everybody is getting along and having fun, and you feed your kids on the days when they’re frustrating, and everybody’s complaining, and family meal-time is no fun at all, right? That’s because feeding your kids gets an unconditional yes, automatically, no questions asked.
You have plenty of experience with saying yes to things unconditionally every day! So think back to the goal you’ve been writing about. Does it have your unconditional yes? You don’t want to tell yourself that you can’t or that it’s too hard to give this goal an unconditional yes because there is a precedent for giving an unconditional yes in other areas of your life. Can you commit to this goal even in the moments when it’s challenging?
Building Awareness
Okay, here’s what I want you to do now. Now that you’ve got a specific goal in mind, and you’re considering whether that goal has your yes, ask yourself, “What does it mean for this particular goal to have my yes? What does that look like? What are the second and the third and the fourth waves where my yes matters more than the first?”
For me, my primary goal right now is to take impeccable care of my body. This season of life since the loss of my daughter has been painful beyond anything I could have predicted. I’ve had many days where survival was my primary goal. But I know that Chris and I want to bring more children into the world, and so right now, my goal needs to be to take care of my body.
That call has my yes. So I ask myself, “What does it need to look like for this goal to have my yes?” I know that when I get tired at the end of the day, I am tempted to give myself a sweet junk food treat and start another episode of a tv show when I really should be going to bed. So giving the goal of taking care of my body my unconditional yes looks like fueling my body only with healthy food and getting plenty of sleep. It looks like choosing not to give in to those temptations and to fuel my body brilliantly.
So ask yourself these questions for your specific goal. And when you’re done, go through them again for the next goal and for every goal you have. There’s no need for perfection here; the important thing is that you’re building awareness of your goals and whether you truly want to prioritize them and give them unconditional yes.
And here’s the thing: when you go through this process, you may discover that, no, you don’t want to give a particular goal your yes. That’s okay! You can still make tremendous progress even when you’re not ready to commit to a goal fully, and saying no to certain things can help you learn what’s most important to you. Remember, this process is about building awareness, because when you have proper awareness, you can choose your goals with wise intention and pursue them with energy and purpose!
How Can You Say Yes Today?
Okay, guys, I have one more question for you to ask yourselves:
How can I say yes to my goal today?
Don’t think too far ahead, just ask yourself what you can do today, in the next hour, in the next fifteen minutes to say yes to your goal. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes. But even small changes can make a big difference!
You really do have the power to change your life, and you really can do it right now. It just takes considering your goals with intention, re-prioritizing them, and giving an unconditional yes to those that matter most to you!
Now, if you’d like some extra support, a little more coaching, and accountability, I want you to get on the waitlist for our next 12 Weeks of Transformation! In this program, I work with people in a much more personal and structured way to create change. We tackle our excuses head-on and find the core values that will motivate you to take action. If you’re not sure what to do next, I encourage you to check out 12 Weeks to Transformation and get on that waitlist!
Join NowI’d also love to connect with you via text! I send out text messages with my daily mindset upgrades and daily encouragement that we could all use during these uncertain times of COVID-19.
Thanks, everyone. I’ll talk to you next time!
Elizabeth Benton