Hi friends, thanks for joining me for another episode of the podcast and blog! In today’s episode, I am talking about how to handle feelings of doubt and fear of failure when you are pursuing your goals.
But first, I want you to know that I take your time seriously. Through the Primal Potential podcast, people bring me along for walks, they bring me into their living rooms while they’re cleaning the house. You have a million options for podcasts you can listen to and blogs you can read, so thank you for being here.
Today, I have been dying to share the ah-ha moment that I had a few weeks ago with you. Listen or read along with me below.
A friend of mine is a business owner and podcaster who also works with clients. She came to me for advice because she had 2 clients reach out to ask for refunds for the first time. Here’s what I told her.
It doesn’t happen often, but 100% of the time, when people come to me to ask about getting a refund, what they are really looking for is reassurance. This is fear and doubt in play, and it is a huge opportunity for that person!
If we had full faith in ourselves or whatever we purchased to pursue our goals, we wouldn’t want our money back. If we knew we were going to do the work that comes along with investing in our program, we wouldn’t want a refund.
What people need is reassurance—sometimes it’s a lack of faith in themselves, sometimes in the program, sometimes it’s both, and all of them can be worked on.
I see this with clients but I also see this with myself. Literally every single time I have hired a coach, and when I decided to join a mastermind, there has been a moment of panic. Maybe I don’t verbalize it but I sink into thoughts of, “on second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have done this!”
I encourage my clients to not shy away from these tough moments.
4:00 Giving Doubt a Voice
We all know that sick feeling of doubt. It’s super uncomfortable to think that maybe you made a mistake by investing in yourself. It’s uncomfortable to admit that you don’t trust yourself enough to take advantage of an opportunity.
We don’t want to run from this feeling. Your doubt is telling you something. I don’t ever want to let a client run from this opportunity to face the fact that they need reassurance or to create more trust in themselves or whatever they are doing to pursue their goals.
“I don’t know if this is right for me.”
If you have ever had that thought, give your doubt a voice. Explore it. Sometimes you’re doing something that is not good for you.
Borrowing an example from my own life, let’s say you opt-in for some rigid, extreme diet and two weeks in you realize that you are miserable.
In that situation, giving your doubt a voice allows you to see if that feeling is coming from a pattern that you need to change or, maybe, that feeling is an indication that your decision wasn’t healthy or sustainable, that it’s not something you want to stick with it for the rest of your life.
Most times we say yes to something that we consider to be a great tool for growth and then the buyer’s remorse creeps in, this comes from doubt.
I don’t want to give the impression that we can’t ever course correct—we absolutely should—but I encourage you to lean in and explore what it is that you’re doubting.
Start with this quick exercise:
You might say, “I don’t trust that I’m going to do the work.” This is something we can work on
What do you trust?
What exactly is the work that you are second-guessing? Come up with 5 things.
Can you do that just for today?
6:32 Doubt Is a Powerful Compass
Sometimes we throw out entire opportunities that could transform every aspect of our lives because we don’t simplify or define what success looks like. We get overwhelmed and sidetracked by doubt and we can miss out on an opportunity.
I’ve straight up done that before. I have let that initial feeling that I don’t trust myself turn into a closed-door, turn into a no, turn into giving up.
Doubt is a powerful compass that can point us at something that really matters.
When we have this doubt or fear of failure, that tells us how important our goals are to us. They are so important to us that we’re afraid we will fail, so important that we question whether we can do it or not.
So we need to take some time to build confidence and set up for success. When people are working with me, I want them to give voice to their doubts to me, with me. Verbalize them. Give your doubt a voice in the Primal Potential Facebook group if you need a place. Give it a voice.
Ask yourself what else is true. If you feel doubt around yourself, the program, or a tool, ask yourself what else is true,
Maybe it’s true that you weren’t consistent before but that doesn’t mean that you will be inconsistent now. This feeling might be part of your process for change. In the past you turned away, this time give it a voice by asking what else is true. Don’t run away from that.
I use this tool often in business. My team and I ask this question for Primal Potential, for example, what would it take for us to feel confident in a new product?
Too many of us are stopping when it’s hard or scary. I want you to see doubt like we see talk about fear, as a doorway. When you recognize that you have doubt, like in your ability to do something, think of that doubt as being a doorway.
9:13 Fear of Failure
You can stand in front of that door, doubting yourself, or you can see every doubt as a doorway you must walk through. Pass through the doorway to get to the other side and see what is there.
This was very true for me when I started thinking about Crossfit. It looked cool. I was interested in weight-lifting and—above all—I was super excited by the community aspect, but I had the biggest doubts before I tried it. I thought, “I’m not fit enough for Crossfit or strong enough; what if people judge me because I am the weakest or slowest, I won’t be able to keep up.” Those doubts could have kept me out of a community that I love!
I don’t want to see people standing on the side of doubt and fear. I want us to see doubt as a doorway, as something we can explore if we take a step forward and see what else is there.
A lot of times, what drives doubt is what-if thinking. Maybe people don’t experience this as doubt but as panic or the feeling of being behind. This comes from putting energy, faith, and fear behind the wrong what-if. “What if it doesn’t work” is as powerful a question as “What if it does?!”
11: 30 Don’t Kill Yourself with Questions
I had such a breakthrough when my friend came to me about a network marketing opportunity. At first, my strongest thoughts were only around doubt. I’m not that kind of person. I don’t want to do that. What if it’s a waste of time? These thoughts were only one half of the equation.
I realized that If I was going to entertain all the reasons why it wouldn’t work, then I owed it to myself, even if it didn’t change my decision, to consider all of the reasons that it would work. Let me tell you, I had some work to do.
I thought, I know the 7-or-so reasons that I think it’s a bad idea, I owe it to myself to be a better thinker and explore the other side of those seven reasons. It turned out to be an incredible opportunity. As my husband Chris says, the first thing he learned in military basic training is don’t kill yourself with ‘what-ifs.’
Before my ah-ha moment, I had all of these different pieces in my head:
- When people experience doubt, they need to give it a voice, they need reassurance.
- Chris’s voice in my head saying, we don’t kill ourselves with questions.
- What-if statements work both ways.
Meanwhile, as all of these pieces revealing themselves to me, I am having a repeated conversation with my business team. Inevitably there are a million things going on in the business and when we set goals they can sometimes feel like a pipe dream. From our doubts and fear, we move to talking about what it is going to take for us to feel more confident in a decision.
We started using this tool with clients who are facing doubt. Clients ask me, what if I have been super inconsistent? I ask them, what if this is the time when everything changes? What if now is when everything cracks wide open for you?
What would it take for you to have more confidence in your ability to succeed? Answer that question. What would it take for you to have more confidence in your ability to change your behavior?
Don’t give a quick response and think that you’ve done the work–you haven’t. Give it a voice. Explore it.
Write this down and answer the questions:
If what-if works both ways, what are both sides (be specific)?
What would it take for me to have confidence in this outcome, in this process, in this change?
What would it look like if it was easy?
It would be easier if what?
18:30 What-if Goes Both Ways
As I was putting these ideas into a document, I was listening to an Elevation Church Sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick, who said, “Fear is faith in the wrong what-if.” We are putting faith in the wrong side of the equation. So what would it take for you to believe a little bit more in the other side of the equation?
This is a choice, so stop imagining scenarios that don’t favor you.
Don’t put all of your resources in the what-if that doesn’t favor you. Don’t put your faith in the ‘what if it doesn’t work.’ Your life will change dramatically and your results will be different when you put your faith in the what-if that favors you. 20:14
This is going to hinge on your willingness to think differently and on the action of voicing your fears and doubts while also realizing that it goes both ways.
It’s not over. This year is not over. We have 15 weeks left in the year, more than 100 days left in the year. How much could you change your life in that time?
You get to decide which one version of the story you fuel with your attention, which you pour into, and which one you starve. Which what-if wins? Whichever one you feed.
We talk about this a lot in the 12 Weeks to Transformation. When you change the way you think you open doors to new opportunities, you also close the doors on your fears and past patterns, and it all hinges on the way you think.
What-if works both ways. Choose to tell the story that favors you and refuse to continue telling the story that doesn’t. Make today amazing.
To learn more about the 12 Weeks to Transformation visit primalpotential.com/transform.
Hi friends, it’s Elizabeth here, and I am so excited to share Episode 810 of Primal Potential with you! Today I am joined by the Chief Operating Officer for Primal Potential Suzie Barbour, and for the first time on the podcast, we are pulling back the curtain on why I have my coaching clients focus so much on mindset when many of them sign up for the 12 Weeks to Transformation with the goal of losing weight.
You’re not going to want to miss this conversation! Listen or read on as we do a deep-dive on my #1 coaching strategy for achieving any goal—transforming your mindset!
Why Not Weight Loss?
Several months back when Suzie started working for Primal Potential one of the first things she noticed was that everybody wants to hear strategies about fat loss.
From her perspective as the COO who is trying to grow the business, it would be a natural move for us to come up with a food plan or make content surrounding the typical themes that people associate with weight loss, like exercise and food, but I always say no. No to food plans and no to new products based specifically on the theme of ‘weight loss’.
Suzie says that people are inspired by my weight loss journey, having lost and successfully kept off well over 100 pounds, and this is what customers are saying they want. So she kept asking me, why not weight loss?
It’s not that I don’t want to help people with that goal, it’s that I want to help people with that goal in a different way that is going to be far more effective than a list of foods or a rule book.
A few years ago I did address weight loss directly. We had a program called the Fat Loss Fast Track that helped hundreds of clients lose weight. But we changed that program. We reshaped it into the 12 Weeks to Transformation and the reason I did this is because client after client was coming into the 12 weeks with the goal of losing weight, but they weren’t just doing that. They were transforming their finances, relationships, and fitness routines. They began taking better care of their homes, and becoming more organized.
We realized that it’s not about weight at all but what it really takes to create change.
(4:19) Why Not Create an Eating Plan?
In the Primal Potential Facebook group, someone wrote a post asking others to share what types of eating plans they are following. This person said they want to eat less, cut portions, but are feeling anxious and doubtful about the level of strictness to their diet, so they will probably revert back to a food plan they’ve tried before like Weight Watchers.
I hear this from podcast listeners all of the time who have had some success with a previous food plan, but can’t stick with it now. And let me tell you, I tried this for decades.
Anyone can follow a plan for a little while, but then stress, vacation, or illness occurs and people get derailed and think to themselves “why can’t I make myself do it” or “why can’t I get back on the imaginary wagon?”
All of this is a result of the way you think.
The idea of being ‘on the wagon’ is a start-tomorrow mindset and it stems from the way that you think—the way that your mind generates excuses. At Primal Potential we want to help people become better thinkers and problem solvers so that our excuses won’t keep holding us back.
I very strongly believe that there are dozens, maybe hundreds, of ways to lose weight. There is no one food religion we need to subscribe to. Success in this area is not a matter of routine but a way of thinking.
Suzie and I both know we could make a ton of money with a 30-day plan for fat loss that tells people exactly what to eat but that’s not what we do. We create lasting results for our clients. The way we do that is through mindset.
People find our program because they are seeking weight loss solutions, often having spent money on other programs. A lot of those people feel a sense of shame because they have invested time and money in weight loss solutions that worked for them in the past but don’t work in every season of their lives. There is no reason to feel shame around that. Before I lost my weight, I didn’t have the tools I have now and you don’t know what you don’t know.
But as Suzie explains in this episode, we see this all of the time in the 12 Weeks to Transformation. Once our clients have a grasp on this toolbox, they use their tools to create sustainable change in areas of their lives that they didn’t know they wanted to improve.
(10:34) If someone really wants to drop 20 lbs, should they focus on losing weight or only mindset?
I am not telling anyone not to focus on weight loss. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel great in your body and get rid of excess body fat–either for cosmetic or health-related reasons. I’m also not saying that instead of focusing on weight, people should focus on mindset. What I am saying is that when you upgrade the way you think, you come at our goals in a way that is much more sustainable.
When we focus on mindset, we slowly take power away from our doubts and bad habits. I eat better now because I am a more well-rounded thinker. My old pattern was that I would get super stressed or have a bad day and tell myself that I didn’t care, I was going to eat ice cream and—whatever—I’ll do better tomorrow. That pattern only changed because I became a better thinker.
So if you say you want to lose weight, I want to help you help yourself, but in a way that addresses the real problem. The real problem isn’t that you don’t know what to eat—that doesn’t have anything to do with it! The real problem is that you aren’t following through on the things you already know will work. And that is happening because of the way you are thinking about it.
Nobody will ever coach you like the voice in your own head. Your outcome hinges entirely on the quality of the voice in your head. When the alarm goes off, and you hit snooze, you are actively being coached by the voice in your head. Make that coaching better and you get better in every way. (Read that again or listen at 13:20).
This is not about ignoring the science of weight loss, but the science alone is not enough. You won’t get results without changing your mindset to address inconsistency, bad habits, or an excuse-generating inner dialogue.
This is especially true in a challenging year like 2020. Hard times are when we need mindset the most. When life is bonkers we are going to grow so much more. If we wait for a season of life that is settled, then we will have missed a huge opportunity to learn, to be in the trenches with the tools.
(18:41) What about people who don’t believe that mindset is actually what they need?
I was that person for so long and I wish I could go back in time and talk some sense into myself. People told me for years that weight loss was all in my head. But I thought they were saying that it wasn’t a weight issue and I was sure that it was. I was defensive because I was scared that focusing on mindset meant not focusing on weight, and I wasn’t willing to not focus on weight. It was only when I took this other approach that I experienced lasting effects.
What I’m telling you is the way to get results with your physical body is by changing the very decision maker in your life. It’s not that we don’t know what to do, it’s that we don’t hold ourselves to the standard of doing it.
Plenty of people have the approach of body acceptance or health at any size and that is not my personal standpoint. If you want to reduce your body fat and feel better in your skin, then I want to do it alongside you. I am connected to that outcome and I recognize that the thing that keeps us from those results is the way we think, make decisions, and talk to ourselves.
When you start the day fired up to make healthier choices but, the next thing you know, you blow the first opportunity you get, that’s mindset. This is what we have to change.
(21:52) The Myth of “I Don’t Care” & Defining Mindset
People tell themselves that they don’t care but that’s not true. People with weight loss concerns care deeply. But when you try diets and programs that don’t work, no one is hearing you say “I don’t care” and challenging you on that idea.
You get a craving for junk food and the coach in your head starts talking to you, saying it doesn’t matter, you’ve failed before, start tomorrow, this one thing won’t hurt. People say they aren’t consistent, but they are. They are consistent with skipping workouts, hitting snooze, or being disorganized. This kind of thinking is what we upgrade in the 12 Weeks to Transformation. We work on shifting the voice in our own heads because that’s where the magic is.
People tell me that they are apprehensive about signing for the 12 Weeks because of a fear that they will disengage. They say, “Elizabeth, I really want you to hold me accountable and prevent me from drifting.” And I say back, I want them to hold themselves accountable and that I will give them the tools to do it.
I’m not always going to be there but the coach in your head will be. And we have to make that a great coach. We are all capable of being great, passionate, purposeful coaches—that is the work we have to do!
I don’t want to create codependency with my clients. My goal is for you to not need me. I want to set all of us free. We have all that we need (and then some) to create change in our lives.
Okay, maybe your mindset needs to change a bit, but I can give you the tools to trust yourself. This is totally possible, especially for those who think it isn’t.
(36:48) My Final Words on Mindset
There are only a few tools that we need. We don’t have to first master weight loss, then finances, then relationships. The reality is that as we use these tools on repeat, every aspect of our lives begins to shift.
No matter who you listen to, gurus, influencers, or trainers, nobody will coach you more than the voice in your head. As you interact with your spouse, when your alarm goes off, when you stand in front of the fridge at 10pm, everything gets easier when you upgrade to the right tools and that’s what we focus on in the 12 Weeks to Transformation.
To learn more about the 12 Weeks to Transformation visit primalpotential.com/transform. For a limited time, anyone who joins the waitlist for the 12 Weeks to Transformation will receive totally FREE access to my new Client Preview Series with me where we tackle topics like consistency, resilience, goal achievement, fat loss, and more!
My travel habits used to be a complete nightmare. I’d binge in airports, overeat on roadtrips and justify every indulgence because I was out of my normal routine.
All the while, I’d make myself empty (yet well intentioned) promises about how “on point” I’d be when I returned home.
I’d return home from vacations, business trips or road trips feeling exhausted, defeated and tremendously disappointed in myself.
I was both physically & emotionally heavier than when I had left.
Because of this habit, I feared travel. I felt like it was impossible to make progress towards my goals, impossible to avoid derailing, when I was away from home.
But, I successfully transformed my travel habits & in today’s episode I’m going to share with you the steps I took to create the change.
Get on the wait list for the Spring 2018 Fat Loss Fast Track!
Avoiding Travel Trainwrecks Part 1
Artisana Coconut Butter Travel Packets
Follow me on Instagram!
The most dangerous excuses are true. The reason they keep winning out over your goals & intentions might be because you realize they are true so you don’t fight against them. You equate “true” and “right”.
Just because something is true doesn’t mean it’s the most true thing or the only true thing.
We’ve got to stop making assumptions & choosing the most convenient truth.
When it comes to making choices & pursuing our goals, we often don’t tell ourselves the whole truth. We don’t even consider the whole truth.
It’s time to slow down, work to be less impulsive, less reactive and consider the whole picture.
In today’s episode we’re exploring how you can start doing that today.
441: Do You Feel Stuck?
How to leave a rating & review
What Is Breaking Barriers
How To Leave A Rating & Review (thank you!!!)