Don’t hold so tight to your story about limitations, problems and obstacles.
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It’s very possible that you are too committed to your problem and it’s keeping you from seeing the truth about your choices or the freedom in the solution.
I got an email from someone just yesterday and in it, she was describing to me that she is an emotional eater, she turns to food to escape and she finds pleasure in it.
Makes sense. I’m sure that it is both an escape and also immediately pleasureable.
But I’m also sure there are other true things she isn’t seeing or attaching to because she’s so attached to the situation as she sees it.
No matter what your story is, don’t hold so tight.
Don’t cling to the circumstances or rationalizations.
Ask yourself, “what else might be true?”
What might be more true?
What am I not seeing when I tell this story or describe things this way?
Let’s use the above situation as an example.
What if instead of saying that food is an escape, you start to look at why you want to escape to begin with?
Instead of continuing to choose food because it allows you to escape, examine why you want to escape, what you want to escape, and how you can make changes so that you don’t want to escape your own circumstances.
What needs to change so I no longer feel the need to escape?
Or, how can I escape in a way that doesn’t hurt me or hold me back?
And how about that pleasure part?
Does emotional eating really bring me pleasure?
Look at how you feel afterwards.
Are you happy? Are you happy with the outcome of emotional eating? Is it worth it?
Think about drugs for a second. Narcotics.
Yes, you might experience some pleasure when using cocaine (I’ve never tried it), but that isn’t how most of us consider cocaine. We think about the consequences. We determine that the pleasure we might feel isn’t worth the risk. The downside.
Unfortunately, when it comes to food, we often don’t think about the consequences, the tradeoffs and how we’ll feel afterwards. We just think about the moment at hand.
Is it really all that pleasurable when the outcome make me unhappy, dissatisfied or unhealthy?
Might you derive more pleasure from consistently taking great care of yourself? Might that feel even better than emotionally eating?
Don’t you deserve to find out? Aren’t you willing to invest in that story to see if there is something more true there? More valuable there? More pleasureable?
Relax your grip on your story about pleasure to consider the consequences.
Get in the habit of asking questions like:
What else might be true?
What might be more true?
What am I not seeing?
What can I do to find out?
Don’t hold so tight to the stories about your your problems, struggles and limitations.
I don’t have it all together all the time. I am not calm & happy all the time, I don’t eat well all the time and I don’t always make myself proud.
But I am always paying attention.
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That’s probably the biggest difference between who I am now & who I was a couple years ago. I pay attention. I pay attention to my moods, my attitude, my choices and my thoughts by asking good questions & asking them regularly.
Let me take you inside my personal life, my real-world struggles and how I take control and create wins where I’m at risk of losing, dropping the ball, or staying in a funk.
The last two weeks have been super challenging for me.
My tiny home was delivered…with serious issues. I won’t get into them here until they are resolved, but I promise to share more. In fact, I’ll be launching a new podcast on tiny living & simplifying your life.
I’ve spent most of my days in a cold, small home without water or working plumbing dealing with contractors, plumbers and manufacturers…not working even though I really needed to be working.
It was FLFT launch week and I couldn’t give the time to it that I wanted to.
Not having water means not being able to cook and relying on eating out and takeout more often than I’d prefer.
Plus of course the holidays, family, parties, travel and all that stuff adding to a chaotic schedule.
One night, I was sitting in my loft feeling incredibly overwhelmed, nervous and upset. I wasn’t happy. Everything felt wrong.
I pulled out my journal and wrote:
What is between me and fully enjoying this moment?
Fear. Frustration. Disappointment. To-dos.
But the more I thought about it, I realized that the things I was upset about couldn’t be fixed at that moment. I didn’t have a plumber there. I didn’t have the manufacturer there. I didn’t have internet. So I was letting things I couldn’t change at that moment rob me of time I could be enjoying.
What a waste of a good day to spend it upset over things I can’t control.
When I’m overwhelmed or upset I ask myself: can I solve any of these problems right now?If the answer is yes, it’s time to get to work.
If the answer is no, it’s time to stop focusing on it, at least for now.
There was certainly plenty in that day I could be grateful for but I have to be intentional about turning my focus & attention to those things.
I have an amazing business that allows me to do what I love & help people every day.
I am healthy.
I have a precious family.
I’m in love.
There are solutions to the problems I’m experiencing and we’re working towards them.
Asking that simple question, “what is between me and fully enjoying this moment?” allowed me to reset, take control and not create a spiral of negativity to robs me of precious time I’ll never get back.
Asking and answering that question changed my perspective and my mood.
I put on some great music, pulled out a book I love, snuggled under a new blanket and texted my boyfriend to tell him I love him.
So, the next time you are stressed, overwhelmed, unhappy or upset, ask yourself what is between you & fully enjoying the moment you’re in.
For more questions that can change your life, check out this presentation from the other night! It’s worth your time for sure!
Did you see my post on Instagram yesterday? I picked up this Hafiz quote on a Christmas ornament the other day and I’m reminding myself of it regularly. It will be prominently displayed somewhere in my new tiny home…
The words you speak become the house you live in.
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This will work wildly in your favor or disasterously against you. It’s happening either way.
Fortunately, you get to choose. You are in control of which way it works in your life.
And, it’s not just your words. More than your words, it’s also your thoughts.
If your thoughts & words are about what is wrong, what’s not fair, why you’re stressed, behind, not good enough, not thin enough, not fit enough, not wealthy enough – it is in your problems & your lack that you will build your life.
Your life will reflect lack and you will struggle to overcome challenges.
While those challenges might be very real, they certainly don’t have to be where you choose to focus.
You can choose to redirect your attention, thoughts and words to what is right.
Either way, where you choose to focus, the thoughts you think most often and the words you speak regularly will be what builds your life.
If your words & thoughts are about what is right, what is good, what you’re grateful for & the potential you have to create change in your life, your life will rise from gratitude & optimism.
Practice being part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
Practice focusing on what is right instead of on what is wrong.
Practice living from the perspective of what you can do instead of what you can’t do.
Afterall, the words you speak become the house you live in.
I regularly remind my clients that there’s no food that is a good choice, from a fat loss perspective, when your body doesn’t need fuel.
If you eat when you’re not truly hungry and/or your body doesn’t need fuel, you’re giving your body extra, regardless of where that extra comes from (brownies, chips or carrots).
What happens to extra fuel? It’s stored.
Most of us have these internal dialogues…”It’s late. I’m bored. I’m not hungry but I want a snack. What I really want is ice cream but I’ll have a bar instead…it’s still sweet but better than a bowl of ice cream….
I get it. It’s logical. I’m all for making improvements, but the reality is, extra fuel is stored. It doesn’t matter where the fuel came from. If your body doesn’t need it, it gets stored.
To practice improvements here, create a habit of asking yourself this simple question:
Am I hungry or do I just want to eat?
I ask myself a similar question when I’m working out: Do I have to stop or do I just want to? One hundred percent of the time I don’t have to stop, I can keep going, I just want to stop because stopping is easier. That simple question helps me keep pushing.
But what if you don’t know? What if you aren’t sure if you’re truly hungry or you just want to eat?
It’s totally normal to struggle to know what’s true hunger. For example, you might feel that hunger sensation in your belly just a short while after eating and wonder how you can be hungry already. I try to think about it from a common sense perspective:
What did I eat last?
When did I eat last?
What have I been doing since then?
From a logical perspective, does it make sense that my body needs more fuel right now?
If I had a full meal a couple hours ago and I’ve been sitting in my office working since then, it’s very unlikely that my body needs more fuel.
When in doubt, wait it out.
Rate the hunger sensation on a scale of 1-10 and then do something else for 30 minutes. If you’re still thinking about food in 30 minutes, rate your hunger again before deciding if you want to eat.
If eating when you’re truly hungry (and not eating when you aren’t hungry) is something you need to work on, take a listen to these episodes of the Primal Potential podcast for specific strategies on improving your response to hunger and minimizing hunger all together!
Have you ever fallen into the trap of “better”? You know, when your choices aren’t your best but you keep justifying them because they are better than what you used to choose?
You’re still eating ice cream every night, you aren’t making progress, but you feel justified because it’s better than your past binges?
I am all for the pursuit of better…until it becomes the trap of better. I’m all for the pursuit of “better” until it keeps you from identifying and acting upon your best.
The trap of better is what we are talking about today! Don’t miss it!
