I help my clients solve problems. Often, in order to do that, we need to sift through their stories, histories, fears and limiting beliefs to get to a simple question:
What is the problem you’re trying to solve?
If you’d rather listen to this post than read it, please click the play button below. Otherwise, keep on reading!
More often than not, there’s such a deep pattern of focusing on the problem – the details of it, the emotions around it, the history that justifies it – that it can be uncomfortable to shift to the solution, but that’s where progress lives – over here, away from the problem, in the solution.
The other day I got an email from one of my 12 Weeks to Transformation clients and after reading it, I challenged myself to answer the same question before responding:
In one sentence, what is the problem this person is trying to solve?
Here’s part of the email:
I weigh over 300 lbs, come from an obese family and a terrible food environment growing up, and have literally struggled being obese my entire adulthood, though many would say “I carry it well”, whatever the hell that means.
I know that is my history, but it’s not my story. The reason I’m writing you is that I don’t want to waste this golden opportunity to write a new story for the rest of my life based on my own goals and dreams.
But I have never done that before.
I feel woefully ill-equipped for such an undertaking. I have always just taken what life has thrown at me and made the best of it, and many good things have come out of that, don’t get me wrong! But I heard a quote somewhere that states that good can be the enemy of great.
How did you grow in the confidence to rewrite your story into the self-empowered life you’re leading now?
After reading that, I asked the question: In one sentence, what is the problem? I think it comes down to this: I doubt my ability to create change because I haven’t done it before.
At the core of this email is an opportunity, disguised as a problem: self-doubt.
The history and emotion in this email point to a powerful question that holds so many people back:
Do I have what it takes?
How can I believe change is possible when I have failed to create it so many times before?
My answer might surprise you.
You don’t have to believe that you have what it takes to reach your goal.
Don’t get me wrong: if you believe in yourself, that’s great. Keep on keeping on! But, if you’re struggling with self-doubt and you feel limited by your past patterns, that’s okay. If you aren’t sure you have what it takes to do the work and keep doing it for life, that’s completely fine.
The only thing you need to believe is that you are capable of one good choice.
How did I lose the weight? Pay off the debt? Start a business?
One choice at a time.
The belief wasn’t there at first, it was built over time. And even now, belief ebbs and flows and that’s fine because all change requires is your next choice.
Do you have one good choice in you?
What can you do to win the moment you’re in?
Think back to when you felt overwhelmed by a school project or term paper. You might have doubted your ability to write 10 pages on the mating habits of the humpback whale. No big deal, because “10 pages” isn’t how it happens.
You research.
Then, you write an outline.
You draft your intro.
You find answers to your questions.
You write a bit more.
One word at a time, you accumulate those 10 pages, by doing a series of things you CAN do.
Do you have one word in you? One sentence? Five minutes of uninterupted writing?
Belief is not a prerequisite for progress.
If you listen to the Primal Potential podcast, you’ve probably heard me tell this story before. It’s one of my favorites and I tell it to my clients constantly!
This guy, we’ll call him Ed, really wanted to get into real estate investing but he didn’t have any money. The only way Ed could think to get cash for his first deal was to sell his new truck.
He had overspent on the truck and it was definitely an expense he was willing to part with. But, Ed had a problem. He was upside down on the truck loan. He owed more than it was worth.
Ed wanted to do a private sale to get a better price for his truck, but even then, he wasn’t going to be able to sell it for what he owed and he didn’t have the cash to make up the difference.
He told himself, “I don’t know how I’ll make the numbers work, but in order to sell it, I’d have to clean it, so I’m just going to vacuum the truck.”
He did. He cleaned it up and got it looking brand new.
He still didn’t know how’d he make the money work, but he took the next step.
“I still don’t know how I’ll make the numbers work but I’d need pictures of it for an ad, and that part doesn’t cost me anything.”
He took pictures of the truck.
Then he posted an ad.
He kept taking the next step. Then the next.
Eventually, he found a buyer and they made it happen, but the point is this:
Don’t let what you think you can’t do distract you from doing what you can do.
Vacuum the truck.
When we convince ourselves that we have to see or believe in the finish line in order to start, we overlook the beautifully simple reality that all we need to do is make one improved choice at a time.
That is the extent of belief you need.
Continue to redirect your thoughts away from the length of the journey or the overwhelm of the end goal.
Break away from your story of doubt and fear and focus on the next 5 minutes.
Maybe you don’t believe that you can lose 100 pounds. That’s fine. Make one great choice. Maybe you don’t believe that you can pay off $150,000 in debt. That’s fine. Make one great choice. Maybe the idea of starting a business fills you with doubt. That’s okay. Write down your first step and then take it.
Overwhelm and disbelief are perspective problems.
You’re either focused on too much of the past or too much of the future.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. Today you’ll have dozens of opportunities to make one great choice at a time.
Begin there.
Every choice is a chance to create the change you crave.
If you have other questions or challenges: did you see that I’ve created a resources and FAQs page for you? Take a peak to see if I have resources listed that will help! If you don’t see what you’re looking for there, let me know so I can help!
Change feels hard. I get it. Often, it feels hard because we’re going about it the wrong way.
Our tendency is to focus on changing our actions and our choices. What this approach overlooks is the simple fact that our thoughts drive our choices.
Conscious or subsconscious, a series of thoughts predede our choices and talk us into or out of whatever decision we make.
If you don’t change your thoughts, it will continue to be mighty hard to change your choices.
Of course that begs the question: HOW?
Most of us feel like our thoughts arise so quickly & automatically that they’re nearly impossible to change. It sounds nice in theory “just think differently!” but how do we turn that into a daily practice?
That is the entire focus of today’s practical episode with modern mindfulness expert and host of the Mind Love podcast, Melissa Monte. Don’t miss this one!
In today’s episode I mentioned that you can download my Hormones & Fat Loss Guide for free. Click here to get your copy!
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
For years, I’ve been a huge fan of journaling. Recently, I’ve made a shift in the way I journal that has completely changed the game. It’s made me happier, more present, more confident and more productive. A few of my Masters Club members have begun journaling this way, too, and today you’ll hear from both of us.
How are we journaling? What does it look like? How did we start?
One of the reasons people struggle to change is that they aren’t paying attention. I can relate to that!
At 350+ pounds, living paycheck to paycheck, I didn’t want to pay attention.
I didn’t want to see my body.
I didn’t want to acknowledge my food choices.
I didn’t want to acknowledge my inconsistency
I didn’t want to look too closely at anything – my bank account, how much debt I had, the state of my marriage, what I looked like naked.
None of it. And, not suprisingly, nothing good was happening.
When we don’t pay attention, we drift.
We never drift someplace amazing.
I am certain this type of journaling will help you create change. It’s not about accountability, it’s about action.
I think it’s so powerful that I’m going to create an identity journal for the next 12 Weeks to Transformation! You can get on the wait list here.
Random side note: In today’s episode I mentioned that you can download my Hormones & Fat Loss Guide for free. Click here to get your copy!
I know there are so many of you out there who really want to change your lives but feel confined by your excuses. It’s like your mind – the way you think and create excuses and exceptions – holds you back. I get it. I’ve been there. I was the same way.
I was desperate for a different life.
I weighed over 350 pounds and was deeply depressed.
I made good money but I was living paycheck to paycheck and felt stuck. My money was already spoken for before it hit my bank account!
I knew there was a different way to live and I wanted it badly, yet there I was, continuing to make excuses and talk myself out of doing the work every single day.
Eventually, I got there. Not only did I pay off all my debts, I created wealth.
Not only did I lose about 150 pounds, I also became someone who genuinely desires to eat well!
I didn’t create these changes by following a diet or list of rules. I didn’t follow a prescribed plan. I took it one day at a time and made these major transformations by changing how I think. There were 3 tools that were super helpful in changing my thoughts and I’m going to give you a look at those 3 tools today!
Journaling
The first thing I do every single morning, within 5 minutes of waking, is grab my journal. I don’t count calories or track macros, but journaling has been the single most powerful free tool that has helped me change my entire life.
Journaling has improved my business, my health, my relationships, my overall happiness, my finances and basically everything else in my life!
When I first started journaling, my sole objective was to pay more attention to my choices. For so long, I had told myself that overeating felt “good” and eating healthy was discipline and deprivation. Journaling showed me how false that was! Overeating made me feel awful! It made me tired, moody and hopeless. As I noticed the truth about how my choices made me feel, things began to shift.
More recently, I’ve adjusted my journaling a little bit to a concept I was introduced to in the book Atomic Habits. I call it “identity journaling” and it’s essentially the practice by which I show up each day as the person I want to be, instead of the person I feel I am.
I talk about this in detail in episode 559 of the Primal Potential podcast – so take a listen to that – but identity journaling looks a lot like this:
If I were to go through THIS day as the person I want to be, what would that look like?
Then, I get specific. I’m not writing in generalities, I’m detailing specifics.
I’ll use today as an example. Today is a very, very full day. My calendar is back-to-back from 5am to 9pm, I have a very unpleasant stomach bug and I’m leaving tomorrow for a 6-day business trip to California (that I’m not packed for).
I begin the day by asking, “If I were the very best version of myself, how will I go through this day?”
I’m going to take my time today. I’m not going to rush. There’s enough time. Besides, rushing makes more stress. Rushing doesn’t make more time. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I’m going to come back to the things that MUST be done today and I’m not going to pressure myself to do things that don’t need to be done. I don’t need to do show notes or file creation for the podcasts I’m recording. If I get to it, great. If I don’t, there’s time another day.
I won’t see being sick as a burden. It’s actually saving me time today! I don’t need to squeeze in a workout, I need to take time to rest.
I don’t need to stress over packing for Cali. This trip is a blessing, not a burden, and what I wear is really not too important. Whatever I bring will be fine.
I’m going to make today a happy, calm day with boyfriend. I’ll be present and patient. I will make time to connect with him before leaving. I will go out of my way to make him feel special.
I’ll choose to get excited about my meeting with Mike, not stressed or overwhelmed. Nothing has to be figured out today.
I will approach the house rennovations with excitement and confidence, not fear. I’m a creative, energetic problem solver and there is nothing to fear!
For context, that short journal entry took about 2 minutes. It would typically include thoughts about how I’ll eat today – as the best version of me – and how I’d workout. But, since I have a stomach bug, that’s not on the table for today.
There’s more that goes into identity journaling, so absolutely listen to episode 559 for more information!
This one thing has dramatically changed my life and the lives of many of my clients!
Reading
To behave differently, we have to think differently because our thoughts drive our actions. For as long as you’re still thinking the same way, you’ll make the same choices. I wish the idea of “thinking differently” was as easy as deciding to change your thoughts, but it’s not.
In fact, that’s one of the most common questions I get. “My thoughts are automatic. They’re almost subconscious. How do I change them?”
That’s a FANTASTIC and perfect question. Awareness is a big part of it, which is why I journal and meditate. The other big part is reading.
When I read, I expose myself to new ways of thinking. When I challenge myself to act on what I’ve read, I now have a tool to help me change the way I think in a very specific way.
The list of books that have helped me change the most is a long one, but here are a few of the most valuable ones.
You can find an action-based guide to the changes I’ve made in my new book, Chasing Cupcakes.
Meditation
If your first thought is, “I’ve tried to meditate, I just can’t do it. My brain is way too crazy for that!” I understand. I was that way, too. I tried meditation for years before I started practicing in a way that works for me.
Before I tell you how I meditate, I need to tell you why I meditate.
One of the primary barriers to change in my life had been that I acted without thought. I was reactive.
There’s a beautiful quote from Viktor Frankl that says,
“Between stimulus and response there is a pause. In that pause lies our power and our freedom.”
In my life, I couldn’t find the pause until after the moment was over. I was rushing through my thoughts, rushing through my choices, rushing through my life.
I had to create that pause. I had to capitalize on that pause, so I could think differently and act differently. Meditation helps me do that.
I’ve found that it takes the edge off. The tension to act immediately on an urge or impulse is so much less since I’ve started meditating. It’s been a game changer. Besides, it’s free! And, there are a ton of other health benefits that go along with helping me calm down and make better decisions.
There are many ways to meditate and none of them are wrong. The type of meditation I’ve found works best for me is called Transcendental Meditation (TM).
What I love most about TM is that you’re not trying to stop thought. The thoughts come and that’s fine. It’s not about the absence of thought but rather the awareness of it. I’ve talked about my experience with TM on the Primal Potential podcast here.
If you’re thinking that you don’t have time to meditate, I want to share an important perspective with you. Meditation isn’t spending your time, it’s investing your time. Think about it: when you spend your money, it’s gone. When you invest your money, more money comes back to you. Investing is a money-making move, not a money-spending more.
Meditation is the same way. The more time I give to meditation, the more I get back by way of being more focused, more productive, more creative and less overwhelmed.
These are three free or nearly-free strategies. If you use the library for your books, these strategies are all free and the payoff is HUGE. You don’t have to start with all of them. In fact, please don’t start with all of them! Start small and incorporate one, small change at a time!
If you’d like to check out a more comprehensive guide to the tools of change creation, take a look at Chasing Cupcakes. If you’re not a reader, I’ve got you covered! First, it’s available on Audible as an audiobook you can listen to! And, if you’re a new Audible customer, you can get a free 30-day trial AND your first book free if you register via audibletrial.com/primalpotential.
Here’s to creating change! Every choice is a chance!
Today we’re talking about two different but very deceptive thought patterns that keep people from creating change in their lives.
One is the mindset of “I know”, where you dismiss information, strategies and tools you’re already familiar with instead of grabbing the opportunity presented by the reminder to take action on them. It really doesn’t matter if you “you know”, what matters is whether or not you’re doing those things.
The second is the mindset of “I don’t know” – a pattern of letting yourself off the hook and letting uncertainty be a stopping point. It should be a starting point.
If there is a gap between when you know and what you do, this episode is one you can’t miss!
If you want to listen to Chasing Cupcakes for free, new Audible customers can register via this link to get a free Audible trial membership plus a free book!
The Spring 12 Weeks to Transformation kicks off Sunday April 7th and registration will open up to the wait list in mid-March. Click here to jump on the wait list!
To learn more about the 12 Weeks to Transformation, take a listen to episodes 546 and 550 of the Primal Potential podcast.
Save the date! ASCEND 2019 will be in Portland, Oregon November 8-10th, 2019. To be the first to hear about tickets and event information, make sure you’re on the wait list!
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
