660: How to Change – Getting Out of Your Own Way

Sep 26, 2019

How to change… that is the question. Oftentimes, we know what we want to change. We may even know how we can go about doing it. But when it comes to getting out of our own way… that’s tough.

Knowing what you need to do and then doing it are different entities. In today’s episode we dive deep into what holds you back, as I talk openly about my own struggles with weight and personal growth. For a long time I struggled to achieve what I wanted to. I remained stuck in a prison I created for myself.

I made minimal progress (if any progress at all) not because I had a problem, but rather because I convinced myself that I did. In today’s episode I talk about how to change and how to get out of your own way. YOU are so often what holds you back. Becoming aware of this is the most important step to take.

I’ve written an article that explores this further below. Whether you choose to read, listen or both… I hope this episode inspires you to make the changes you crave. How to Change? This is how…


  1. My own story of self-sabotage, and how I remained stuck at over 300lbs because I gave myself permission to do so
  2. An important challenge I’ve recently set myself, and how I encourage you to join me (FYI: the impact this has had on my life already is incredible)
  3. 3 Inspiring quotes that have changed my life, and how they can help you come to terms with your own internal barriers
  4. The first (and most important) step on how to change, and how to escape the yo-yo life of making small progress only to give up and go back to the beginning
  5. The most common barrier I come across with my own clients, and how to overcome this by letting go of one simple thing
  6. The most important question you can ask when you catch yourself making excuses or wanting to give up
  7. How our thoughts dictate our choices, and how we have more control over these than you may think
  8. The next steps you can take, and how you can give yourself the permission you need today


I hated going to work. I’d look at myself in the mirror before I left and let the sadness in.

I wasn’t even sure how I’d got to this point. I’d always struggled with my weight, but to go beyond 300lbs… I would sigh, shake my head and slump toward the car.

Feeling terrible.
Looking terrible.
Dreading my day ahead.

I had a “food” problem. At least this is what I told myself. I had tried everything.

  • Studied nutrition… that didn’t work.
  • Worked in nutrition… that didn’t do it, either.
  • I worked on programs and courses… nope.

Whatever I tried, and whichever diet I went on, I would do okay for a few weeks but then slip back into bad habits. I had a weight problem. I was addicted to food. It wasn’t my fault…

How To Change For Good

For as long as I can remember, I defined myself as an emotional eater. It wasn’t my fault. I just never had the discipline. If I had a bad day, I would eat. If I felt sad, I would eat. If I didn’t feel good about myself, I would eat. I knew this would only make things worse, but I had a problem. It wasn’t my fault.

That’s what I told myself.
The truth is, it was my fault.

At least, it was my problem to OWN.

I thought I knew what my problem was, and I thought I knew what I had to do to change. I just had to find the right diet, finally stick to it and everything would be fine.

Sound familiar?

Maybe you’re issue isn’t with food. Maybe it’s money, drink, exercise or something else. You’re aware of what your problem is what it is you want to change, but nothing seems to work. You try something, make a little progress and then go back to the beginning.

You’re not alone. I spent most of my life in that state. Almost every single one of my clients has been there or is still in this place. Like a yo-yo, you go back and forth but nothing seems to change.

You know what you need to do.
You just can’t seem to DO it.

The problem is, you are what you do. Knowing and learning isn’t enough. You need to take action, and then stick with this day-in and day-out. You need to get out of your own way.

Because whatever you think stands in your way, it isn’t that.
It’s you. You are what’s stopping YOU from breaking free.

How To Change and How To Get Out of Your Own Way

This is when I finally broke free of my weight problem. Once I accepted that I was what stood in my way, I was able to make progress and finally break free. I wasn’t addicted to food and I wasn’t an emotional eater. These were just stories I told myself.

I gave myself an excuse to fail. I gave myself permission to give up.
Chances are… you too tell yourself stories like these every single day.

You say you have a problem with “X”, but what really holds you back is much deeper.

  • Your limiting beliefs…
  • Your bad habits that you’ve spent your whole life doing…
  • Your fears and worries and anxieties…
  • The questions that little voice inside asks, but you’re too afraid to listen to…

So long as you subscribe to that surface level pain, you will never break free from the real issue. This is why I couldn’t keep the weight off.

Worse, this is why I kept putting more of it on.

I focussed on what I thought the problem was, but didn’t take the time to figure out what was going on.

3 Quotes That Changed My Life

I talk about these three quotes in the latest episode of The Primal Potential Podcast. For greater context for each, I encourage you to listen to the whole episode (it’s one from my heart and soul).

Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open? — Rumi

Each morning I woke up miserable — with my life, my weight, how I looked and the job I dragged myself to — I felt imprisoned and unable to escape. Yet it was a prison I made for myself.

The door was open. At any time, I could choose to walk out.

Most people come to know only one corner of their room, one spot near the window, one narrow strip on which they keep walking back and forth — Rainer Maria Rilke

I love this quote. We can all explore an entire world, but most of us live our lives confined to one small room. We sit by a window and look out at the same view. We walk up and down the same narrow strip of carpet, again-and-again-again…

We tell ourselves the same stories. We cling to the same beliefs we’ve carried with us forever. We’re committed to the same habits, routines and schedules.

There’s an entire world to explore, but we play it safe and stick to what we know.

Those mountains you’ve been carrying, you were only meant to climb — Najwa Zebian

This quote changed me. I realized I had carried my weight problems and everything it brought with it my entire life. It was only ever there for me to overcome. But rather than tackle it and move on, I carried it.

What things are you carrying with you today that you were only meant to overcome?

All it does is lead you to lying to yourself and telling the same stories over and over. You give yourself permission to keep doing what you always have. It’s somebody else’s fault or just how life is. Someone like you will always struggle, because…

It is not true!
You can break free from this any time you like.

The First (and most) Important Step: AWARENESS

I wasn’t aware of the deeper issues I had, and I wasn’t aware of the stories and lies I told myself. I didn’t realize the real pain, and because I wasn’t aware of any of this I didn’t know how to change.

AWARENESS isn’t the entire journey, but you cannot begin until you are.

In the 12 Weeks to Transportation Program, we spend the first three weeks dedicated toward YOU becoming aware. Most people are living their lives each day with their eyes closed. They’re sleepwalking.

They’re blind to the real pain, issue and problem.

Once I realized this I was able to begin. The journey since has been tough. I’ve had my ups and downs. It hasn’t been easy. But I’ve broken free of that prison I created for myself, and it all began when I opened my eyes and saw that the door had been open all along.

From this point, I stepped further away from my pain each day. I lost weight and kept it off.

I became aware of many other issues I had. It threw me down a rabbit hole. Finally, I began to get to know the real me. I listened to that little voice. I grew and grew, and I stepped out of my own way.

Am I fixed? No.
Is anyone? NO!

I still stumble each day. But these days I ask myself a simple question:

is this old thinking or new thinking?

If it’s old thinking, I ask what new thinking would look like. How would the person I want to be act right now? What would they say? How would they think?

Awareness of the whole allows me to be aware in the moment.

Once you achieve this, it’s amazing what you can do with it.


Thank you for reading. I hope this has inspired something inside you. I go deeper into this in today’s episode of The Primal Potential Podcast. I hope you listen, as it’s one I recorded from my heart.

If you would like to not only learn how to change but how to get out of your own way, the 12 Weeks To Transformation Program may be what you need. This is your last chance to join us in 2019.

(and because I’ll soon have my daughter, I’m not sure what 2020 has in store for the program)

I would hate for you to miss out, and I would love to work with you over the next 12 weeks to transform your life. Are you ready to get out of your own way? Visit this page and take the next step with me ⇒ 

Thanks again for listening and reading, I hope you’ve taken a lot from today’s episode. Please subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media. If you have any questions, share them in the comments below.


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