689: A New View on Deprivation & Missing Out

Dec 2, 2019

How often do you feel deprived and that you’re missing out when everyone else isn’t. This idea of deprivation often comes into play when you’re committed to losing weight, getting healthy, escaping debt or making any transformational change in your life.

Yet this notion of deprivation doesn’t come from the choices you make, rather the perspective you have toward these choices. In today’s episode, I dive deep into deprivation and the fear of missing out, and how a changed outlook can rid it from your life for good.

I’ve also written an article that accompanies this, so whether you read, listen or both… make notes and have an honest conversation with yourself about whether your supposed deprivation is fact or fiction.


  1. How this issue with deprivation is especially prevalent during the holidays.
  2. The conversations I’ve had that inspired this episode, with clients from the 12 Weeks to Transformation.
  3. How Deprivation isn’t about practice or the choices you make, but rather about your perspective toward these.
  4. What the next level to this is, and how it triggers an insecurity some many of us have.
  5. The self-centered effects of deprivation, and how to break this narrative by looking at the whole picture.
  6. The half-truths of deprivation, and how it often only creates an incomplete story.
  7. A recent story from my own life, and how I stepped back from deprivation and the fear of missing out
  8. How you can be part of 2020’s first 12 Weeks to Transformation, and how to get access to a few special bonuses.


I recently went out for a meal with my boyfriend and one of his friends…

We had a lovely meal and shared lots of stories, yet the two of them did something that is possibly not the best idea to do around a woman who’s seven months pregnant… they ordered a bottle of wine.

Of course, I couldn’t have any wine.
And in that moment I had a choice to make…

  1. Feel deprived, and wish I had what they had
  2. Do the other thing…

We’ll get to what the “other thing” is soon. It’s something each one of us can choose to do, but often don’t and instead feel deprived and like we’re missing out on something we want or need. It’s especially prevalent at this time of year where one holiday follows the last.

Food, drink, social gatherings, presents to buy and a house to decorate…

It’s easy to see what other people are doing or have and wish you did or had the same. Maybe you give into these temptations and eat more, drink more and spend more money. Well, we all know what that leads to…

  • Guilt
  • Frustration
  • Anger
  • Annoyance
  • Blame — either yourself or other people!

But then again, maybe you don’t give into temptation.
Maybe you’re on a diet, trying to drink less or committed to escaping debt.

You hold strong but it’s a struggle too because you feel like you’re missing out. You work so hard, yet here you are, deprived of having a good time where everyone else seems to do what they want to do.

It isn’t fair, is it?
Well, that depends on how you look at it.

I felt compelled to record this episode of the Primal Potential podcast because I’ve had a lot of conversations with clients (those inside the 12 Weeks of Transformation), and one topic that keeps coming up is DEPRIVATION.

For instance, while speaking to one client, she told me how she was struggling with the feeling of missing out. She felt like she couldn’t have certain things because she was committed to losing weight,

So I asked her what she was missing out on.
“Chocolate cake,” she said.

Because she’s committed to losing weight, she doesn’t feel like she can have it. Yet, is this true? If she had a piece of chocolate cake would it have a massive impact on her end result? If she had one piece over the holiday, would it mean all the progress she made was pointless?

Of course not!

She feels deprived, but that’s all it is… a feeling.

How To Step Away From Deprivation Once and For All!

Deprivation isn’t about what you can and can’t do, it’s about your perspective toward these.


It’s not the list of things you should say no to, it’s your feelings toward these. Being on a disciplined diet doesn’t lead to deprivation. My client isn’t deprived because she can’t have chocolate cake. It’s her perspective toward all this that deprives her.

The story she tells herself.
The inner narrative.
The perspective you have!

Deprivation comes from how you see the issue, not the issue itself. You can choose to eat chocolate cake and still stick to your diet, and you can still lose the weight you desire. Yet you can also choose not to.

You can choose to see saying no to chocolate cake as deprivation, and that you’re missing out while everyone else around the table gets to enjoy life. Or you can change the narrative and focus on the bigger picture.

I choose to say no to chocolate because I want to be healthier, fitter and happier.
I can have it right now if I want… nobody and nothing can stop me. But I can choose not to.

Deprivation comes from your perspective.
It comes from the stories you tell yourself.

Deprivation Comes From a Selfish Place

There’s another level to all this that I go into detail in the episode that accompanies this. I encourage you to listen to it in full as it shares a few stories and examples from my own life.

What I know is true for me is, when I’m struggling with something in life I tend to get pretty selfish. Less so these days, as I’m more conscious of it. But in the past, sure… I made it all about me.

Let’s go back to the dinner table with my boyfriend and his friend…

They ordered wine that I cannot have. Here I am, seven months pregnant. I would love wine but cannot have it. How selfish of them. Do they not think about me? Do they even care?!

If this narrative played in my head, maybe you could understand it and appreciate it. It would be easy to validate, that is for sure. Yet who does this take into account? ME! That’s it. It’s my side of the story, and how it affects me.

It doesn’t take into account my boyfriend or his friend.
It doesn’t take into account the lovely meal we got to share with each other.
It doesn’t take into account the food I got to eat and the stories we shared.

It’s about me and what I don’t have.

Deprivation is a very self-centered perspective!

It’s very one-sided and doesn’t look at the whole story. It’s not an accurate story. It’s a half-truth at best, and you cannot make good decisions based on half-truths. You lead with emotions and it fuels the feeling of deprivation and that you’re missing out.

Which makes the whole process worse…

It’s Time To Change Your Perspective

Oftentimes, we focus on the negative instead of the positive.

  • You feel deprived because you can’t have dessert, even though you’ve had a lovely meal and are full.
  • You feel deprived because you can’t have a drink when everyone else is, even though you’re having an amazing night with friends you love.
  • You feel deprived because you can’t spend the money you would like, even though by escaping debt it will allow you to live the life you desire.

It’s not that you’re deprived or missing out… you simply see it this way. Well, you can choose to change your perspective and focus on the bigger picture; the positives that often outweigh the negatives.

We often see discipline as something that steals from us.

  • The discipline of losing weight
  • The discipline of escaping debt
  • The discipline of working out

Well, discipline is something you do for yourself, not something you do to yourself.

The freedom that discipline offers you is huge. Maybe not right now, but further down the line… sure. This is the new perspective you need to take. Once you do you’ll never feel deprived again.

I didn’t feel deprived as I sat around the table with my boyfriend and his friend. As they drank wine that they couldn’t, I focussed on the lovely meal we shared and the stories we told. I appreciated what I have, and reminded myself why I’m not drinking wine right now.

Because soon I’ll welcome my daughter into the world, and that’s more important than a glass of red.

Thanks for reading today. Please listen to the podcast episode in full to get a deeper look into deprivation and the role it plays in your life.

And if you would like to surround yourself with people who strive to change their perspective like this, and have a platform to share your worries and wins… join the 12 Weeks to Transformation Wait List.

It’s now open, and those on the Wait List get information first about what to expect in 2020.

Join the Wait List Here ⇒ 

Thanks again for listening and reading. If you have any questions please add them in the comments below. And to subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media, follow the links below.




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