Dec 1, 2014 | Blog, Mindset
There is something that is more important than eating clean when it comes to weight loss, fat loss and total body transformation. Yes, cleaning up your diet is important. In fact, you won’t get too far without it. But what is more important is that you understand the motivation behind your unhealthy eating habits.
Here’s the thing, guys. Anyone can get on the clean eating band wagon and stick to veggies, fats and proteins for a few weeks and probably lose weight along the way. But unless you understand what was motivating your less than stellar food choices, you’ll inevitably find yourself falling right back into them. That happened to me for years. I’d focus on following a particular diet plan to the letter but after a few weeks I was right back to where I started – fast food, ice cream and continuous munching and snacking (while thinking about how badly I needed to lose weight & how I shouldn’t be eating the crap I was actively shoveling into my mouth).
If you don’t identify the feelings and factors that trigger you to make less than stellar choices, you’ll find yourself right back in that mode as soon as your motivation wanes and those feelings or factors arise. For me, loneliness and sadness trigger overeating and overindulging. If I feel rejected by something or someone, if I feel isolated (often because I’ve isolated myself) or if I feel a sense of loss, my go-to pattern is to numb those feelings with food. You see, when I’m fist deep in a pint of ice cream, I’m only thinking about the ice cream. I’m not thinking about rejection or loneliness or sadness. I’m just thinking “ice cream” and, for the moment, it feels good. But here’s what happens – as soon as it is gone I start to regret it. “Why did I do that?! Why am I so weak?” Now the problem is compounded. The loneliness isn’t gone. The sadness is still there but now it is compounded by the fact that I punished myself with food. Ugh, such a slippery slope and dangerous cycle!!
So, now that I know what triggers my bad habits, what do I do about it? How do I overcome it? How do you break the cycle? I literally worked on it step by step. I never imagined that I could overcome it in one fell swoop and I didn’t try.
Step 1: Be mindful
It sounds kinda lame, I’ll give you that. There wasn’t any pressure at this phase. In fact, I didn’t attempt to change my behavior at all. If I got overwhelmed or sad and started to have those thoughts of “Whatever. I don’t care. I suck at this. I’m gonna go to the grocery and buy ice cream….and chips. And hell, if I’m gonna blow it, I might as well get pizza on the way home” I would allow myself to do it but not without at least acknowledging the feelings behind it. I would quite literally write in my journal “I am feeling frustrated and like I want to cry because of xyz so I feel like eating crap”. That’s all. Then I’d proceed on to the grocery store. After I did this a couple of times I kind of evolved to the next step naturally. It didn’t feel good, it didn’t make me feel better to eat those feelings. It almost always made me feel worse so acknowledging the rationale allowed me to see that I wasn’t solving my problem at all and I wasn’t even making myself feel better.
Step 2: Consider what would help
Again, this wasn’t aimed at stopping the behavior of making bad food choices or bingeing but addressing the underlying issue. So in the case of feeling the desire to overeat because I’m feeling sad, I took it a step further. I’d sit at my desk with my journal and write out why I was feeling sad and what it might take to fix the problem. Maybe it was a conversation with someone. Maybe the solution was just to give myself a little more grace and not be so hard on myself. Maybe I realized in the moment that I was actually quite overtired and whatever I was feeling sad over was pretty silly and a nap would probably help. This step, in large part, removed the desire to eat. I was not only confronting my feelings but also actively considering solutions. I was aware that food wasn’t a solution but now I was starting to see alternatives.
Step 3: Delay desire
If I went through steps 1 and 2 and still had the desire to overindulge or binge, I began to practice putting it off for 24 hours. I wasn’t saying “no” to whatever I wanted, I was just saying “lets wait it out for 24 hours”. If I still wanted it 24 hours later, I’d go for it. Nine times out of 10 this eliminates the urge. The emotion passes, the craving passes, I come to my senses a little bit.
At the end of the day it comes down to three fundamental things: awareness, honesty and practice.
Awareness
You need to become aware of the feelings behind your actions. What’s going on when you’re not making good choices. What is fueling those decisions? Are you happy with the decisions? Are there common threads that link the occasions on which you overdo it? Pay attention. Be mindful. Stop going through life in a fog without learning about yourself and the way you think. Be a student of your own behavior.
Honesty
Sometimes it kinda sucks but you’ve got to get honest about your feelings. If you boil over because someone cuts you off in traffic and as soon as you get home, in your heightened state, you’re digging through the pantry for something with chocolate, you’ve got to ask what’s really going on there. Why are you upset? Why are you sad? Why are you overweight? Why do you continue to make bad choices when you genuinely want a better life? Stop saying its because its “hard”. Get honest. WHY is it hard? The actual act of buying healthy food and preparing it is not hard so where does this emotional part come from? Get real. Get honest. Do it now because you won’t be successful if you aren’t honest with yourself.
Practice
You aren’t going to get it right your first time out of the gate. The journey to your healthiest self is a long one and it won’t be perfect. You’re going to make mistakes. You’ll have bad days and bad weeks. That doesn’t mean you suck. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you can’t do it. It just means that you need more practice. Living a healthy life is a DAILY practice. When we practice regularly, we improve. See challenging situations and circumstances as a great forum for practice. Don’t quit. Keep trying. Show up and practice every single day.
Sure – I want us all to make better food choices. But better food choices is more about YOU and the way you think and less about the food. I can’t emphasize enough just how important it is to become a student of yourself and your motivations. Spend the time. It’s worth it. It is the only way you can truly change.
Do you feel like you need help with this? It’s HARD stuff! Sometimes your head is in the game and you’re willing to do the work and other times its just annoying and you don’t feel like it. That’s why I find value in having a coach. I have had a coach in one form or another for most of my weight loss journey. When my motivation started to slip, they’d see it and help reel me back in. I really think that was a huge part of what made THIS journey successful when all my past attempts had not been. But here’s the thing – those coaches were only involved my story for an hour a week. Our time together was SUPER limited and when I was about to binge, of course they weren’t around. I have put together a totally different coaching program. One that is based on working one-on-one with a VERY small group of women. I won’t put them on a diet. I won’t write them meal plans. I will work incredibly closely with them for a full year to help them identify their own unique fat loss formula. I’ll help them find and practice strategies that work for THEM. We will talk every week. We will email or message as much as they need. They will have unlimited email access to me. I will coach them. I’ll help carry them through the tough times. We’ll troubleshoot together. We’ll celebrate together. I’ll share a TON of critical information related to mindset, motivation, nutrition, hormones, health and fitness. I want to create radical transformations both physically and mentally. And I want to be a huge part of the process. That’s why I won’t work with more than 15 people. In fact, I’m going to insist that folks who are interested complete a short application so I can assess their readiness to change and ensure that I’m working with people who are ready for this journey. I can’t even tell you how freaking excited I am!! If you are ready to make a transformation and create your own success story, I encourage you to read more about the program before you decide to apply. You can find all the info and the application by clicking here. I’m only accepting applications through December 10th and I’ll select up to 15 people and notify them by December 15th. If you’ve got questions, feel free to respond to this email!! I am SOOOO ready to help some of you guys take it to the next level and make 2015 the most amazing year of your life!!
Nov 4, 2014 | Blog, Mindset
I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine. She’s watched my transformation and has regularly remarked, “I don’t know how you do it!!” She often asks how I managed to make such dramatic changes in my life while juggling a stressful job and the normal demands of life.
One day we sat down and as I tried to explain to her how I knew she could do it too, she responded with one reason after another why I was so different and she couldn’t possibly do what I’ve done. I felt myself getting frustrated because everything she said was totally untrue – she had so many misconceptions about me and what I’ve done to lose weight and get healthy. I looked her in the eye and said “You’re making excuses. You’re convincing yourself that you can’t do this.” She was totally wrong about my approach. The difference between failure and success is not the degree of your intensity, it’s how successfully you embrace moderation.
In the months since then, several other people have said similar things and I what I’ve realized is that people make a lot of assumptions about the “behind the scenes” things I’ve never really talked much about. I decided to address a lot of these misconceptions because I don’t want anyone to see my story and think “Yeah, well I could never do that…” When you start to do that you’re either misinformed or you’re making excuses. I can’t make you stop the latter but I can clear up some common misconceptions.
Misconception #1: I’m hardcore.
I’ll admit that I have a tendency to be an “all or nothing” person. I spent most of my life alternating between periods of extreme restriction and periods of constant indulgence. However, what has allowed me to be successful in losing over 100 pounds is avoiding that hardcore mentality. I changed my eating patterns gradually. When I first started out I allowed myself a cheat meal every week. I’d go all out enjoying everything I’d been craving all week. After a few months of seeing results and gaining momentum, I didn’t feel like I needed the cheat meals anymore.
At that point, I transitioned to usually protein bars as periodic indulgences. I loved Quest Bars and I’d sometimes have one every day for a little sweet fix. Just like with the cheat meals, after a few months I didn’t feel like I needed that anymore.
Now, I keep careful tabs on my cravings and every few weeks I’ll enjoy a special treat – a cup of ice cream or a milkshake – something that I’ll really savor.
I’ve actually come really see the “all or nothing” mindset as a hindrance. The more I deprive myself and hold myself to impossibly high standards of perfection, the less capable I am of moderation. I’m not hardcore. I don’t want to be hardcore. I’m moderate and I’m kind to myself.
Misconception #2: I’ve always been a healthy eater.
Compared to some people, this might be true but I definitely don’t have a history of eating salmon and brussel sprouts. I grew up in a house where we ate “healthy” as one would consider the Standard American Diet. I don’t consider it all that healthy. There was a lot of cereal, a lot of pasta, a lot of processed food. Remember, I also experienced food restriction growing up because my mom wanted me to lose weight and this drove me to overeating and sneaking food. I was a candy-monster. My mom would keep After-Eight dinner mints hidden in the dining room and I’d pull one chocolate out at a time, eat it, and put the empty wrapper back in the box.
The transition to a Primal way of eating was a very gradual one. I battled sugar cravings and had to figure out a way to work it in to my lifestyle. I didn’t wake up one day and cut out everything processed. I made slow, moderate changes and gradually added changes as it felt comfortable.
Misconception #3: I spent hours a day working out.
Oh how far from the truth this is!! When I 300+ lbs I didn’t set foot in a gym. I didn’t own a treadmill. I’m not sure I could have spelled the word exercise, never mind spend any amount of time working out. Not a chance. Even when I started changing my eating habits I wasn’t ready to workout. I didn’t start going to the gym until I after I had lost 50 lbs.
Not only that, I’ll be the first one to tell you that while I think working out is a great way to stay healthy, you can make it a long way towards your fat loss goals without adding exercise. The majority of your results will come from what you eat and how well you balance your hormones.
I workout now because I love it. It makes me feel strong and I enjoy challenging my body. I think that if I worked out less and allowed my body more time to recover I might see better fat loss results. The bottom line is this: I am not a gym rat and you certainly don’t have to be to achieve major fat loss success.
Misconception #4: I spend a ton of time cooking and meal prepping.
Oh my. This is SO not true. When I am hungry I want to eat. Like, immediately. I’ll eat my hand before I’ll spend an hour prepping a meal. Most of my meals are ready to go in 15 minutes or less. Usually less. I don’t make complicated recipes. Most of my meals have 4 ingredients or fewer. I eat foods I love and I prepare them simply. Washing my dishes takes more time than prepping my meals and that’s probably because I don’t use the dishwasher.
Misconception #5: I had to let everything else in your life go.
I wish I could have!! I’ve sometimes envied contestants on shows like the Biggest Loser because they don’t have jobs and other outside commitments. For the majority of my weight loss journey (the first 130 lbs) I was working 50-60 hours each week at a very stressful job. I was taking care of a 2,800 sq foot house and of course I was (and am) married. I had other interests and commitments.
I didn’t have the luxury of letting up on my job. In fact, it required more and more of me each month. I worked my butt off and that company certainly got the majority of my time and attention. When I got home from work I had take care of cleaning, laundry, bills – the normal stuff that most working women manage.
What I did do was make my health a priority. I got up a little earlier to ensure that my meals were prepped for the day. I packed my lunch most days. I tried to schedule windows of time before or after work to get to the gym or workout at home. I didn’t commit to things that weren’t important to me because I knew I had enough on my plate. The only thing I let go of was my hopelessness. I started believing that I was capable of creating massive change in my life and I made it happen.
When something is important to you, you’ll find a way. If it’s not important, you’ll find an excuse. I spent years making excuses until one day I was ready. When I was ready, no excuse mattered and I regardless of what was going on in my life, I found a way. If you’re trying to sell yourself on all the reasons you can’t do it, you’re either not ready (and that’s fine) or you need to give yourself a little tough love and not accept anymore excuses and commit to action.
Oct 31, 2014 | Blog, Mindset
I think you’re limiting yourself. I think you might be sabotaging your weight loss. I think you’ve unfairly capped your potential. I’ve done this too and it kept me fat and unhappy for most of my life. When we were kids, we were fortunate enough to believe we could be anything. From a princess to a doctor or an astronaut, nothing was off limits. We grow up, we get comfortable, and we accept our current position as our maximum ambition. Let’s remove those limitations, ok?
I spent years believing I would never overcome my weight struggles. I had failed so many times that I felt I should try to accept that I would always be overweight and try to find some sort of happiness with that. I’m so glad I wasn’t able to get there. Not only do I believe that I will conquer my weight struggles, I believe that I can achieve any level of fitness to which I aspire. If I decide that I want to have a 6-pack, I know I can work hard enough to have it. If I decide that my goal is 15% body fat, I have no doubt that I can make that happen.
For a long time I thought I needed to work for someone else. It was relatively secure and that was important because, well, I have bills to pay. I figured I’d always be working my way through paying off student loans and I probably wouldn’t ever have the financial means of my dreams because, after all, it’s not like I’m a hot shot lawyer or coming into some major inheritance. I removed those limitations, too. I worked hard, I stayed disciplined and managed to pay off well over $100,000 in debt in under two years. Once free of all those obligations and limitations, I started to convince myself that I am just as capable, and probably more, as most of the business owners in this country. I would think about the hundreds of businesses I drive by every day. Someone owns them. All of those “someones” aren’t smarter, harder working, or more disciplined than I am. So I left my job and started my own business.
What limitations have you put on yourself? Have you convinced yourself that you’ll always be “a big girl”? Have you lied to yourself enough that you believe you’d rather overindulge in cherry pie and pizza than harness some discipline and feel healthy, strong, sexy and proud? Just for fun, sit down with a piece of paper and write down the things you’d like to be or have if there were no limitations on you or your resources. I bet that the majority of them ARE possible if you’re willing to do the work. And let me say this about doing the work: it’s worth it.
Every single day do at least one thing that will help you advance towards your goals. Figure out how and why you’ve convinced yourself that you can’t have it and be on guard against those types of thoughts. Not only are they lies but they aren’t serving you. You get to choose who you are. You get to choose what type of life you live. You get to choose the state of the body you live in. Choose wisely.
Sep 15, 2014 | Blog, Mindset
A few weeks ago I had a bad night. I went into it tired (which can always go very badly) and I got some news I didn’t want to hear. I immediately started crying. Had I been home, I probably would have gone to bed and that would have been the end of it.
I wasn’t at home. I was out of town. And there was cake. Tired + Tears + Cake…… It doesn’t get much more risky than that for me!
I started to convince myself to have the cake. “Seriously, who cares? You’re on vacation. It’s one night and you deserve a little break. Have a piece of cake and have a drink too! Oh, and remember that nutella in the cabinet? That would be amazing. You’re upset and this will take your mind off it. You’ve been so good for so long. Just take the night to forget all about this eating clean/primal/fat loss stuff. Enjoy yourself.”
I was so tempted. It wasn’t even a cake I really wanted. I wasn’t hungry. I was tired and emotional and that’s all it took to start arguing with myself “Who cares? It’s one night. And honestly, if you gained a couple pounds, what the hell. It’s no big deal.”
There was a time that I would have given in to the cake in a heartbeat. I’d have happily fallen for the argument and devoured a couple pieces. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have stopped there. I’d have walked up to the store and bought ice cream because, hey, if I’m gonna do it, let’s do it right, right?
But I didn’t have the cake. I engaged in the conversation with the part of me that was trying to argue “Who cares? Just do it!”.
I care. I’m not falling for that anymore. I’m not going to medicate myself with food. I’m not going to let my cravings be greater than my will. I’m not going to be the type of woman who gives in easily.
I reminded myself of what I’d feel like after eating the cake. I reminded myself that it probably wouldn’t even taste that great but I’d look in the mirror before bed and feel frustrated. I’d be irritated with myself and the sadness from earlier would be compounded with guilt. I’d wake up in the morning wondering why I gave in to my emotions and why I couldn’t recognize that it was merely a perfect storm of fatigue, emotion and opportunity.
I sat down at the table next to the cake with a bottle of water and reminded myself that I am stronger than every obstacle before me. Every good decision I make reinforces the woman I am becoming.
I had a good night.
Sep 12, 2014 | Blog, Mindset
One of my favorite quotes is from Marcus Aurelius: “Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself.” I love this so much I have it written on the wall of my office and in a note in my iPhone. These simple two sentences have been one of my greatest motivators during my weight loss journey.
I’m sure the words mean very different things to different people but I want to share with you the impression they have made on me.
At the time I first came upon this quote I was working in a management role. I had a fantastic team and though I was being pulled in a million different directions, I tried hard to set a good example for them. I wanted them to see my hard work, initiative, problem solving and tenacity. When I read this quote I thought, “How can I inspire my team if I can’t inspire myself?”
It starts with me. “Rule over yourself.”
I thought about my marriage. I was encouraging my husband to quit chewing tobacco and this quote hit me hard – how can I expect him to listen to me or be encouraged by me if I’m not living a healthy, disciplined life?
It starts with me. “Rule over yourself.”
I thought about the family I might have one day. How hypocritical I would be to lead my kids in ANY way if I’m unable to lead MYSELF! If I’m not compelled to follow the wisdom of my own mind, how in the world could I expect my children to be?
It starts with me. “Rule over yourself.”
I remember thinking at the time, “I want so many big things. I want to be debt free. I want to lose over 100 pounds. I want to be strong, fit and confident.” I became instantly aware that an unrefutable requirement for all of those things is to become an effective leader of ME.
Does anyone read this quote the same way? It just is so powerful to me – if I’m not able to instruct, lead and inspire myself then I have no business trying to do it for anyone else.
I can’t tell you how many times a day this simple phrase runs through my head. If I’ve told myself I’ll go for an hour leisure walk and I start listing all the reasons I should stop at 40 minutes, I’ll hear in my head “Rule over yourself”. When I’ve finished dinner and I’m tempted to do a kitchen-walkthrough just to see what might look yummy I hear it: “Rule over yourself”. When my alarm goes off in the morning and I consider hitting snooze instead of getting to work, there it is: “Rule over yourself”.
Spend some time looking at the gap between what you expect of others and what you expect of yourself.
Spend some time considering if you are able to reach any of your goals without mastering the art of following your own guidance.
Maybe it’s not these words that fuel you but I’m sure there are others. Find something that reminds you of what is most important and keep it front of mind. Put it on an index card on the dash of your car or write it on the mirror in your bathroom. Encourage yourself daily – there’s no question that you’ll need it!
Sep 10, 2014 | Blog, Mindset
I am guilty of feeling jealous when I watch weight loss shows like the Biggest Loser. I start to feel a little defensive and edgy as they boast their 10 lb per week weight loss. This angry little tape plays in my head: “Sure, weight loss can’t be all that hard when you have a kitchen stocked with healthy foods, a staff of fitness professionals at your finger tips, no job to worry about and a state of the art gym. Sure, it might be just a tad easier for me if my ONLY priority was eating right and exercising! But I live in the real world! I have a job, I have a life, I do my own shopping and cooking and cleaning!”
Prior to starting my weight loss journey I wasn’t even sure it was possible to balance it all. I was pretty certain that I couldn’t manage my work stress without self-medicating with food. I was convinced that there weren’t enough hours in the day to fit in a workout without sacrificing critically important sleep or down time. I genuinely believed that committing to weight loss would require trading happiness for progress.
I was wrong. In fact, I was TOTALLY wrong.
I found that cutting out junk food made handling work stress far easier. Making time for the gym increased my productivity and gave me MORE free time. Committing to weight loss brought me a happiness and sense of empowerment that I had never experienced. In hindsight, I’m not sure how I balanced life and obesity! That was far more challenging!
There’s no question that committing to lifestyle change will require making some adjustments to your schedule. It’s very possible that those changes might be a little uncomfortable at first. But before you do what I did and start to argue how impossible it will be to balance life and fat loss ask yourself this: how well are you balancing life now? Are you happy with the way things are? Do you love your body? Do you feel fit and healthy?
How do you know that your days won’t actually be easier when you start making lifestyle improvements? How do you know that as you cut out processed foods your energy won’t go through the roof and your improved mood won’t enhance every relationship in your life?
More often than not when we argue that something can’t be done or isn’t possible within our current life structure we’re just making excuses. We’re either afraid of change, avoiding potential failure or simply not ready.
If you’re wondering if you can do this, please remind yourself that this is not an all or nothing process. You don’t need to submit to a total lifestyle overhaul on day one. Take a close look at your lifestyle and identify one or two areas for improvement. Work on one small change each week and keep practicing it until it feels comfortable. As you master each change, take on a little bit more.
Life is always a balancing act. Let’s just stay open to the idea that adopting healthy changes might actually improve and enhance your productivity and mindset.
Here are a couple small changes to think about making as you build momentum:
- Stop drinking soda
- Walk for 20 minutes each day
- Wake up 15 minutes earlier and make breakfast
- Turn off the TV and get to bed by 10pm
- Commit to including protein at every meal and snack
I was wrong to feel frustrated and envious when watching those weight loss competition shows. You know why? I am so much more likely to be successful at managing my weight in the long run because I’ve managed to incorporate it into my life. I know how to balance eating well and exercising daily with a job, a family and taking care of my house. I know how to make good choices without living in a bubble and having someone else make my decisions for me. I know how to practice moderation, overcome plateaus and motivate myself. THAT is powerful. THAT is balance. That is worth every single change.
