I refuse to choose my pride over my progress. I won’t choose my feelings over my future. Those things are way easier said than done, but they’re a huge part of success in every relationship & endeavor.
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This is a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes our ego gets in the way of our growth. We would rather stay in our feelings and pout about being wronged then step up, speak up and make things right.
We’d rather be right than get it right.
We want to prove that our circumstances make it hard to make progress, so we submit to them.
We pull away from someone who could help us because our ego was bruised.
When we do that, we hold ourselves back, preventing growth & progress.
The other day, I inquired at my gym about some additional coaching beyond my daily CrossFit classes. I wanted someone who would work with me individually on my weaknesses. One of the coaches, who was listening to my conversation with another coach, made a comment about my journey that hurt my feelings.
Did he intend to hurt my feelings? No, he didn’t.
Could I hear his statement without implying intent or emotion? Absolutely.
For a split second, I wanted to walk out of the gym and say, “Forget it. Thanks anyway. I’ll do it on my own.” For a few hours, I stayed in my feelings. I wouldn’t ever talk to someone that way.
But you know what, my way isn’t everyone’s way. And someone having a different approach doesn’t make them wrong or mean or reflect that they must have ill-intent.
That’s all DRAMA.
Had I stayed in the drama, I would have let my bruised ego get in the way of my growth.
I would have been letting my feelings trump my future.
I am NOT saying that you should be a door mat or let people disrespect you.
But I am saying that you shouldn’t assume someone meant to hurt you simply because their perception doesn’t match yours or their delivery isn’t how you hoped it would be.
Here are a few questions I ask myself to find the drama-free truth in every situation:
- What is the difference between what actually happened and how I feel about what happened?
- What assumptions am I making about the other person’s words or actions?
- Do I know for sure my thoughts are true or are my own feelings and insecurities playing a role here?
- Have I communicated my feelings and interpretations?
- What is my responsibility in this situation?
- What’s the difference between being right and getting it right?
- What would it take for me to get it right?
- How can this situation be an opportunity for me to grow?
- What is the outcome I want?
- Am I being mature and emotionally-sober?
The next time you feel hurt, offended or your ego has been bruised, try these questions on for size!