I got “bad” news yesterday. Since then, I’ve decided what to do with that news. I’ve also decided what NOT to do with the news. I won’t be a victim. I won’t complain. I won’t focus on what I thought should have been different or on what frustrates or scares me.
Don’t worry…it wasn’t catastrophic or even awful. And I’m not even a little interested in sympathy. It just wasn’t expected or what I hoped for.
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When I got home from my appointment, I shared a post with my Masters Club. Those guys are totally family to me and the more we share with each other, the better we all are for it.
But as I thought it through as the night went on, this is the kind of transparency I want to have with you all as well. Because this is the kind of transparency and real-world application I wish I knew to work towards when I was at the height of my struggle. Lots of people were talking about their success. Few were talking about winning through their struggles.
Here’s what I wrote to them: (for those of you who are lost, a few weeks ago after about a month of hormone therapy, I had my eggs retrieved and frozen so I can hopefully, maybe be a mom someday when the time is right.)
You guys inspired me from a far today. Thank you.
Today was my follow up appointment at Boston IVF from the egg freezing procedure.
I expected a simple conversation about how I’m feeling and how to access the eggs when I’m ready to fertilize them.
That’s not the conversation we had. The conversation can be summed up as: If I want a CHANCE at having ONE successful pregnancy, I need to do (go through, pay for) another round of treatment, at higher medication dosages. Soon.
What? Really? Another major financial investment? Putting my body through that again? Soon? Shit.
It threw me for a loop for a few minutes. There’s a lot to consider. The last round was much harder on my body than I thought it would be. Balancing work and life with that was a real challenge.
I got that news around noon today. When I talked to my mom at 4pm I said:
It’s not ideal. It’s not what I expected. But I want to make the decision to do it or not do and then have a good attitude about either choice.
Fixating on how the reality differed from my expectation doesn’t help. It makes me frustrated. Fixating on how I wish this wasn’t my reality only makes me sad. Fixating on the costs doesn’t change them. None of the thinking helps.
I will decide and I will have a great attitude about my choice, either way.
If I do it again, it will be with a grateful heart and a fighter’s spirit.
If I don’t do it again, I’ll make the choice with peace in whatever happens.
I’ll make the choice and I’ll have a great attitude.
The time with so many of you this weekend brought me into this challenge with such peace and gratitude.
Thanks and I love you.
I gave myself an hour to be frustrated. I gave myself an hour to think & talk about my fears and reservations. I realized it was only making me feel worse.
It wasn’t going to change anything. It wasn’t going to make anything better.
I will make a decision and I will have a great attitude about it. That’s it. That’s all there is.
That’s all that helps. Life is wonderful and I won’t waste my energy arguing with reality or feeling sorry for myself.
I’m leaving this morning for vacation. I have to make a stop on Cape Cod for a memorial service and then we’re off to Punta Cana.
With the amount of work I need to do before hitting the road, I certainly considered not making the time for the gym today.
But, I say all the time that I don’t make food or workout decisions based on what is easy. I make those decisions based on what is best for me.
In fact, I talk about that in an upcoming podcast episode – do NOT miss Saturday’s episode (413). It’s going to be awesome!
Anyways, it is a team workout today and I’m ready to crush it!
Teams of 3:
200 Meter Farmers Carry (70’s/53’s)
75/50 Calorie Bike
200 Meter Farmers Carry (70’s/53’s)
75 Wallballs (20/14)
There’s no doubt I’ll feel better throughout the day having worked out than if I had skipped it! Plus, I’ll be away from the gym for a week while I hit the beach! In today’s episode of the podcast I talk about how I’ll keep up with movement & workouts on the beach!
On the food front:
With the exception of my morning workout, I’m going to be on my butt for most of the day today. Driving to Cape Cod, attending a memorial and celebratory meal afterwards, driving back up to Boston. Not much movement!
I’m eating accordingly. I’m fasting until the memorial meal and I’m not sure what there will be to eat there. I’m sure there will be meat, cheese & veggies. I’ll stick to that & skip the alcohol since I’m sure there are fruity drinks in my future once I get to Punta Cana!
On the way back up north I’m planning to have something really easy like Chipotle or an Epic bar & some coconut butter.
Easy and light is the name of the game today!
See you on the beach!