Last week I opened up registration to the Fall 12 Weeks to Transformation coaching group. I got a lot of emails about questions and concerns from people who really want to change but have a backlog of failures. There’s a common theme I see in all these emails:
People identify with their past patterns more than they do with their present potential. Friends: the way you’ve done things before isn’t the only way they can be done. You can choose, in any moment, a new response.
If you’d rather listen to this email than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
Let’s look at one particular email that came in and how I responded.
Hi, Elizabeth!
I REALLY want to join your 12-week program because I love everything you put out and believe in what you do. But I’m scared it’s going to just be another “thing” I sign up for and never fully commit to or follow through. I’m an e-course junkie and I know that’s out of your hands but I really DO want to make some changes with my health/mindset/motivation. The bottom line is this: I’m lazy. I’m gung-ho for a while and then I go back to my old patterns and I don’t seem to be able to stop the cycle.What are your thoughts?
My thoughts? Glad you asked! I’ll tell you!
You are able to stop the cycle. Just because you haven’t created that change does not in any way mean you aren’t able.
There are two approaches you can take to this reality of having failed to create change in the past. One is the approach she has taken in the email above. You decide that the way you have been before is the way you are. If you decide that you will continue you behave the way you have before, you’ll get what you’ve gotten before. If that’s the perspective you choose, I’d agree that you shouldn’t spend your money on “another thing”.
Here’s the other thing that jumps out at me. She isn’t saying she has been lazy. She’s saying it’s who she is. It’s her identity. The only thing I can say in response to that: If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. If you tell me you’re lazy, I believe you. I also believe that you can be something else. Anything else.
Here’s another approach she (and you) can take.
I have been lazy before. I have failed to do the work before. But that’s not the story I want to continue to live into. I’m ready to change. I want to be different and I know that requires I think differently.
“Elizabeth, how can we work together to make sure I approach this differently and create a different result? I’m ready to stop limiting myself with my past choices and I’m excited for your help. What’s the first step?”
I emailed her back and said, essentially, “Do you want to continue to live into that story you told me? Or are you ready to create a new one?“
How about you?