Shame & Blame Have No Role In Change

by | Oct 22, 2018 | Blog

Think about someone in your life: it can be a colleague, employee, child, friend or spouse. What result would you get if you shamed and blamed them every time they made a choice that didn’t meet your standards?

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Imagine it’s your spouse. If they don’t come home on time, forget to empty the dishwasher or let the car registration expire, what would happen if you scolded them the way you berate yourself? What’s wrong with you? You’re hopeless. You always do this. 

Is that the approach you’d take if your goal was to inspire them to show up as the best version of themselves?

I really doubt it.

Why? Because it wouldn’t work.

Using shame and blame as strategies to encourage change is wildly ineffective.

If you took that approach with a child, spouse, colleague or friend, they’d pull away. They would become tentative. They might figure, “Why bother? Nothing is good enough!

The same thing is true when it comes to the way you communicate with yourself.

Shame and blame aren’t effective strategies. If your goal is to improve your choices and be more consistent in keeping the promises you make to yourself, you can’t continue to beat yourself up. While it’s a common approach, it’s not an effective one.

Instead of beating yourself up, simply ask what you’re able and willing to do TODAY to participate in the solution.

What improvement are you able and willing to make?

You cannot hate your way to a life or a body you love. Stop trying.

Ditch the drama and give your energy to what you can do to participate in the solution instead of crying over the problem.

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