When I was 350+ lbs, a lot of my misery came from my mindset. There were parts of life I absolutely could have & should have enjoyed, but I let my negativity about my body get in my way.
It didn’t have to be that way. I could have been more social. I could have worn dresses & skirts & bathing suits. Being overweight didn’t prevent me from those things, my thoughts about being overweight did.
There’s a difference.
But, there are things that my physical size did keep me from.
I was constantly worried that if I went to a concert or sporting event the seats would be too small and I wouldn’t fit or I’d be uncomfortable.
I was anxious about flying because I didn’t want to encroach on the space of the person next to me.
I avoided hiking, biking & kayaking because I didn’t think I had the capacity to keep up. I didn’t think I’d fit in the kayak.
There were tremendous limitations, both mental & physical. The things I missed out on because of my weight were NOT worth the choices that were making me overweight.
Yesterday I had a moment where I realized just how far I’ve come.
My boyfriend suggested we go kayaking. I didn’t think twice about it. My only thoughts were “Yes! It’s a gorgeous day, that would be fun!” (Maybe I also thought “Should I? I have so much work to do!” but I quickly replaced those thoughts!)
There was a time when I’d have tried to find a way out of it. I’d have been afraid that I wouldn’t fit in the kayak. I’d have been nervous about getting in and out without falling or needing help. I’d have worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up. And, because I lacked confidence and joy, I’d have been completely resistant to wearing a bathing suit.
Yesterday, I put on my bathing suit (which I love & think is sexy), helped carry the kayaks to the water, pulled mine out, hopped in it & paddled away.
We kayaked out to an island where I easily got out of the kayak and then walked back into the water to dig for clams.
My only limiting factor yesterday was my mascara. Quite literally. When I found a clam with my feet, I didn’t dive to get it because I didn’t want to get mascara all over my face. Haha. True story. Don’t worry, I stood on top of it while the boyfriend dove to pull it up. #notsorry
As I walked back through the water to my kayak on the island I thought, “This is the best part of weight loss. This is what made it worth it“.
It’s not about the size of my pants. It’s not about what I see in the mirror.
It’s the ability to live life fully and without real & perceived limitations. It’s the ability to get into and out of a kayak. To be more concerned with the adventure of the moment than the cellulite on my thighs.
To be able to just say “yes” to life and be free from all the fears and reservations that seemed incessant when I was obese.
Here’s an important thing to remember: people live with optional limitations whether they’re overweight or not.
Let go of the limitations.
Say no to the things that create those limitations – they can be choices or thoughts.
If it creates a limitation due to your perspective or your ability – say no. Say no so you can say yes to your life.
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After getting home late last night and having hundreds of emails in my inbox this morning, I didn’t get in my normal early workout. I didn’t even mentally commit to going later. I just decided, “not now”.
After staying focused on work for a few hours, the feelings of overwhelm subsided and I headed to the gym for the 12:30p workout. I didn’t want to go but I knew I’d feel better if I did than if I didn’t. It was actually a great workout.
“Run Up”
27-21-15-9
Calorie Row
Kettlebell Swings (53/35)
Overhead Squats (75/55)
Rowing outside yesterday in the kayaks was so much more enjoyable than rowing in this workout! No surprise there! But I’m glad I did it.
On the food front:
I am straight up not hungry today. At all. I’m sure it’s related to the wine, cocktails and amazing food on Saturday at my favorite restaurant! I drank black coffee all morning and didn’t have lunch until after my workout.
Around 2pm I had a chicken & broccoli over cauliflower rice from Paleo Power Meals and then a cobb salad for dinner.
I know I’ve said this before but the calorie & macro counting movements that suggest we should eat the same amount every day don’t make sense for my body. My hunger is variable day to day depending on my sleep, workouts, hormones, etc. I’d rather listen to my body than hit some arbitrary numbers.
PS: If you’re new to these posts, listen to this podcast episode to get the scoop on what changes I’m making in my life and you can start back at my first daily post here.