Jan 15, 2018 | Blog
There is a quote that changed my life. When I first heard the quote, I was in a tough spot in my life. I woke up every morning with severe anxiety. I was afraid to check my work email because there were so routinely angry, accusatory emails in there that would set the tone for what I could expect when I got to the office.
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In many ways, I hated my job. I was always on edge. I cried most days – usually more than once. It wasn’t a healthy environment and I went through each day and to each meeting just waiting for the next explosion. Hearing my name over the paging system would be met with sympathetic glances and “good lucks!” from my colleagues, not to mention feeling like I might pee my pants.
I complained about it a lot. I worked all the time. Taking days off was never worth it because of the drama waiting for me when I returned.
On the flip side, I was good at the work. I found it interesting and challenging. I had a strong support system in the office of people I really loved & cared about. It paid me well. It helped me get out of debt. I was learning a lot. I was accumulating awesome experiences. In hindsight, that job helped me develop the mental toughness that serves me so well as a business owner. That’s why I stayed but it’s certainly not what I focused on…
I made myself a victim of my circumstances. I focused exclusively on the problems.
I was unhappy & it was my job’s fault.
I was too stressed and tired from my work to take care of myself. I turned to food to respond to the stress.
I blamed my job for my weight, when the reality is that I was overweight before the job, too.
I wasn’t taking responsibility for my choices.
One day, I read a quote from the poet Rumi:
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
The door was wide open. I could leave any time.
I wasn’t applying for other jobs. In fact, when I had applied for another job, it was offered to me & I turned it down. Actually, that happened 3 times. I was offered 3 jobs and ultimately chose to stay where I was, unhappily. Usually because of the money.
I was so quick to blame my boss and the owners of the company.
I was so quick to point out the dysfunctional management team and corporate culture I thought would never change.
Ultimately, it was on me.
I drove there every day, early. No one forced me.
I stayed late every day, by choice. No one made me do it. Plenty of other people left at 5.
I checked and responded to emails at night & on the weekends. That was my choice. They came to expect it because I set that expectation through my own behavior.
I could have quit. I could have accepted a different job.
But I stayed. I wasn’t in prison. No one forced me to go there and take a paycheck from them.
When I heard that Rumi quote, “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?” I stopped complaining.
I stopped blaming management.
I began to fully embrace the fact that I was there by choice and if it was so bad, I could make the choice to leave.
It took a few months before I realized how this quote applied to my personal life, too.
I was miserable. I was obese. I hated my body and desperately wanted to lose weight, get fit and be healthy.
But I was creating the prison I lived in.
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
No one made me overeat. It was my choice.
No one was stopping me from making better food choices.
I wasn’t stuck in that obese body. I was creating it. I was choosing it.
The door is so wide open.
I wasn’t stuck.
You aren’t stuck.
We are a product of our choices.
You don’t have to settle. You can expect more of yourself. You can push yourself. You can change. You can choose a different reality.
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?
Jan 12, 2018 | Blog
Tim Ferriss has a thought provoking quote in his newest book, Tribe of Mentors.
You can make yourself better or you can make yourself feel better.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
When I first read the quote I thought, “Yeah, either you’re growing or you’re just keeping yourself comfortable. One makes you better, one just makes you feel better.”
But as I thought about it more, I think it’s a lot more nuanced than that.
Without a doubt, when I was 350+ pounds, most of my choices weren’t making me better.
At the time, I thought turning to food made me feel better. But honestly, what I know now is that it just distracted me. It got me out of my head, out of my reality and into an escape.
But it didn’t make me feel better. It just temporarily made me feel less.
Ultimately, it made me feel much worse.
Repeatedly turning to food to escape made me tired, depressed, self-conscious, frustrated and disappointed in myself.
As I thought about this quote, I thought about what actions and behaviors make me better. Here are a few things that came to mind:
- Working out
- Meditating
- Journaling
- Connecting with people who inspire me
- Eating clean
- Simplifying the space around me
- Reading
- Coaching people through their challenges
Interestingly, all those things also make me feel better!
I wondered if there are things that make me feel better but don’t make me better. To remove my filter completely, what first comes to mind is sex. It makes me feel better for sure. But does it make me better? I don’t know, but I think probably not.
Drinking doesn’t make me feel better, neither does overeating, but they sometimes provide an escape. And, sometimes escapes make me feel better. So, maybe they do, at times.
I don’t think the key here is to avoid things that make you feel better and only choose things that make you better, but I do think the key stems from awareness.
Knowing what makes you better, knowing what makes you feel better, knowing what does both and what does neither can really help you make great choices and make faster progress towards your goal.
There are lots of things that make people feel better but really hurt their personal growth and long term happiness. Things like gossiping or telling lies to get attention.
You know I believe journaling is a powerful tool, so I’ll encourage you to take a few minutes to think & write through your thoughts on the following questions:
What makes you better?
What makes you feel better?
What does both?
What does neither?
What choices can you make today to make yourself better?
What can you do today that both makes you feel better and makes you better?
For more questions that will help you move to the next level and make change easier, check out episode 436 of the Primal Potential podcast. It’s one of my absolute favorites!
Jan 11, 2018 | Blog
You need a salt rock lamp. Have you heard of them before? They are dim lights surrounded by a block or globe of real himalayan salt.
I used to have one, but I don’t know what happened to it. I bought it for the soft light, but at the time I didn’t realize it had a bunch of other major benefits. I thought they were pretty, I knew the softer light was better for my eyes & my hormones, but I didn’t know anything else about them.
Until recently when what I learned prompted me to buy two for my new tiny house. (Yup, that’s right, I’m now living in a custom-built tiny house – HGTV style!! You can see pics of it by following my stories on Instagram.)
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
Until recently, I thought they were just a home-decor trend. Earthy. Natural. Granola. Kinda pretty. The lava lamp of 2018.
But I was wrong. There are legit benefits to these lamps and the benefits come from the salt itself.
The salt actually attracts and absorbs chemicals, bacteria, dust, pollen, pet dander and even mold in the air.
Salt is hygroscopic which simply means that it attracts water, kind of like a sponge. That’s why salt often clumps in the salt shaker. It draws moisture out of the air. (In Greek, ‘hygros’ means moisture, in case you’re trying to break down that word hygroscopic like I was! #prouddork)
As the salt absorbs moisture, it collects what that moisture carries – odors, bacteria, allergens and more.
These true himalayan salt lamps are natural air purifiers! Many plants act in similar ways but plants have to be cared for. I don’t like caring for things. Salt lamps are easier. You can’t kill them.
Beyond that, salt emits negative ions that can increase serotonin (boosting your mood) and neutralizing the impact of positive ions which are emitted from all your electronic devices!
We have an ever-increasing number of electronics around us – televisions, cell phones, computers, tablets, game consoles, microwaves, smart devices – all of these things emit positive ions.
There’s a growing body of research suggesting that over-exposure to positive ions may negatively impact both your mood & your health and exposure to negative ions can improve mood, energy & focus.
People spend a lot of money buying negative ionizers to help balance out all this positive ion exposure from electronics and these salt lamps do that for you while also purifying your air!
Plus, they are super affordable.
Not knowing any better, I almost picked up a couple of them from Home Goods for $35 each but I’m so glad I didn’t. First, they weren’t branded. They didn’t disclose where the salt came from, which is really important because you want to make sure you’re getting the real thing and not a fake.
Second, you can get them much more affordably, from a leading himalyan salt mining company, from Thrive Market.
I scored them on Thrive Market for $13.49 each!!!! The exact same light is on Amazon for $29.00. Hello!!! Guys, buy one. Buy two. For $13.49, you can be kinder to your eyes, your hormones and clean your air. (Thrive Market can afford these discount prices for two reasons: customers pay a small membership fee and they work directly with manufacturers and cut out the middle men).
The one I bought is the Evolution Salt Co. Natural Crystal Salt Lamp.
These lamps are legit! And so affordable! In general, you DO have to be wary of phony products – like those that don’t disclose the origin of the salt. (That’s why I didn’t buy the one from Home Goods – it had no box or label so I didn’t know the origin of the salt.) The brand I got from Thrive Market comes from Evolution Salt Company, which is the world’s largest provider of Himalayan crystal salt.
Just keep in mind – the lights aren’t bright so don’t expect it to be a bright light for a dark room. They’re pretty dim but great for reading and even better for all their other benefits!
I hope you get a couple, keep them on as much as you can, and tag me (@elizabethbenton) in your pics with your new lamp!
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
Jan 10, 2018 | Blog
Last week I shared with my Masters Club that I’ve changed my perspective on meditation.
I am a huge fan of meditation and it’s benefits to me are obvious & immediate. When I meditate I’m happier, more focused, more efficient, more calm, more creative – and I’m sure that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Yet, every single day I’m resistant to sitting down to do it. Every single day I don’t want to make the time.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
While journaling, I asked myself why I talk myself out of it. When I see “meditate” on my list, what are the thoughts I have that keep me from just getting started.
I realized that I viewed meditiation as something to spend my time doing and I always can justify a seemingly more pressing way to spend my time.
Yes, I could stop to mediate, but I really need to spend my time on this podcast or returning emails or making phone calls. I’ll do these other things first. They aren’t optional and meditation is.
BUT.
Meditation makes all the other things easier. It helps me get them done more quickly and with a better attitude. It helps me come up with ideas and solutions faster.
Meditation isn’t spending time, it’s investing time.
When you spend something, it’s gone. You can’t get it back. When you invest, it pays you back. There are returns on any investment.
Meditation is an investment.
I was on the phone with my girlfriend Ella last night and was telling her that I’ve been very consistent with meditation lately.
In a passing comment about it, she mentioned how great it is that I’m investing in myself in that way.
I immediately shared with her my recent realization about spending versus investing.
She remarked that there are probably very few activities we can do that actually pay us back. She’s right.
But there are some. The key is to challenge ourselves to find them and then to take action.
I told her how since seeing mediation this way, as an investment, I’ve started asking myself how I can invest in my business each day in addition to the time I spend there.
Many of my business tasks are time spent. Getting things done. Checking things off a list to keep the wheels turning.
Where can I invest my time to create those downstream rewards?
I want to challenge you to think about your lives this way, too.
How can you invest in your body or health today by doing something that will pay you back, make things easier and bring downstream rewards?
Maybe the 10 minutes it takes you to prepare and put dinner in the crockpot before you leave for work in the morning is an investment of your time because it saves you time and money later.
Maybe 10 minutes of stretching and foam rolling is an investment because it helps you prevent aches, pains and injuries.
How can you invest in your relationships in a way that adds more value than the value of the thing you did?
Begin by asking where and how you can invest in yourself today and then take action on the answer.
Jan 9, 2018 | Blog
Don’t hold so tight to your story about limitations, problems and obstacles.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
It’s very possible that you are too committed to your problem and it’s keeping you from seeing the truth about your choices or the freedom in the solution.
I got an email from someone just yesterday and in it, she was describing to me that she is an emotional eater, she turns to food to escape and she finds pleasure in it.
Makes sense. I’m sure that it is both an escape and also immediately pleasureable.
But I’m also sure there are other true things she isn’t seeing or attaching to because she’s so attached to the situation as she sees it.
No matter what your story is, don’t hold so tight.
Don’t cling to the circumstances or rationalizations.
Ask yourself, “what else might be true?”
What might be more true?
What am I not seeing when I tell this story or describe things this way?
Let’s use the above situation as an example.
What if instead of saying that food is an escape, you start to look at why you want to escape to begin with?
Instead of continuing to choose food because it allows you to escape, examine why you want to escape, what you want to escape, and how you can make changes so that you don’t want to escape your own circumstances.
What needs to change so I no longer feel the need to escape?
Or, how can I escape in a way that doesn’t hurt me or hold me back?
And how about that pleasure part?
Does emotional eating really bring me pleasure?
Look at how you feel afterwards.
Are you happy? Are you happy with the outcome of emotional eating? Is it worth it?
Think about drugs for a second. Narcotics.
Yes, you might experience some pleasure when using cocaine (I’ve never tried it), but that isn’t how most of us consider cocaine. We think about the consequences. We determine that the pleasure we might feel isn’t worth the risk. The downside.
Unfortunately, when it comes to food, we often don’t think about the consequences, the tradeoffs and how we’ll feel afterwards. We just think about the moment at hand.
Is it really all that pleasurable when the outcome make me unhappy, dissatisfied or unhealthy?
Might you derive more pleasure from consistently taking great care of yourself? Might that feel even better than emotionally eating?
Don’t you deserve to find out? Aren’t you willing to invest in that story to see if there is something more true there? More valuable there? More pleasureable?
Relax your grip on your story about pleasure to consider the consequences.
Get in the habit of asking questions like:
What else might be true?
What might be more true?
What am I not seeing?
What can I do to find out?
Don’t hold so tight to the stories about your your problems, struggles and limitations.
Jan 8, 2018 | Blog
What are you capable of?
If you did your very best every day, worked as hard as you could, what would you be capable of being, doing, creating and having?
What is your potential?
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
At a minimum, we can probably agree that there is a huge gap between where you are right now & your potential.
This weekend I read a quote from billionaire investor Warren Buffett that really inspired me.
The most important investment you can make is in yourself. Very few people get anything like their potential horsepower translated into the actual horsepower of their output in life. Potential exceeds realization for many people…The best asset is your own self. You can become to an enormous degree the person you want to be.
Most of us haven’t even begun to tap into our potential.
I am not suggesting that you have to make the absolute best choice in every situation every day, but I am suggesting that you can get so much more out of your life.
You can be happier. Healthier. Stronger. Fitter. Wealthier. Kinder.
But we have to make that more than idea. We have to make it a practice. A pursuit.
How can you invest in yourself?
How can you invest in your potential?
What would it look like to invest in that every day? To invest in the version of yourself you are capable of being? The version of your life you have the power to create?
Through your choices, how can you invest in your potential?
Through your words, how can you invest in your potential?
Through your actions, how can you invest in your potential?
Your thoughts?
Your relationships?
What can you do today to raise your standards?
What can you do today to create a life that reflects your potential?
How can you pursue your potential?
I took some time this morning to answer some of these questions and I’m happy to share my answers with you.
To step into my potential, I need to resist distractions & temptations. The things that anchor me to mediocrity aren’t worth it – television, social media, online news stories.
I can step into my potential by having a clear focus for the day that goes beyond tasks. Yes, there are tasks to do and I will do them, but stepping into my potential isn’t about crossing items off a to-do list.
Productivity isn’t the path to my potential.
I have to push. I have to strive. I have to reach.
But first, I have to be clear on where I’m going. I have to know where there’s work to be done.
I haven’t reached my potential in terms of happiness.
I haven’t reached my potential in terms of health & fitness.
I haven’t reached my financial potential.
I haven’t reached my business potential.
All this work won’t be done today, but the fact remains: to reach this potential, I have to raise my standards and step out of my comfort zone. How can I do that today? What are three things I can do today to raise my standards?
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I will do a 24 hour fast. Today that means I will eat at 7:30pm but not before then. This isn’t about weight loss, it’s about commitment, follow through, discipline and mental toughness.
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I will go for a long walk in the cold weather with my phone on airplane mode. No music, no email, no podcasts. Intentionally slowing down. This is absolutely out of my comfort zone.
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I will invite people to a party in my new tiny home.
….
You guys might read these daily objectives and think they sound easy but understand that “stretching” is different for everyone.
I know I can be more committed and mentally tough. This impromptu 24-hour fast, decided upon only as I was journaling, helps me raise my mental standards.
I often create overwhelm and anxiety by trying to do too many things at once. I check my phone when I’m writing. I stop what I’m doing to respond to an email or a comment on Instagram. I check my phone during workout warmups. I am certain I can be more peaceful & focused by teaching myself to avoid the trap of always having to be doing 5 things. Taking a long walk in the cold without “doing” something else streches me.
I am an introvert. I talk myself out of making connections and letting people into my world. Hosting a party and extending invitations stretches me and moves me towards the life I want to create with a close network of friends and family.
There’s a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote I love & am encouraged by.
The mind, once stretched, never returns to it’s original dimensions.
This is true of ourselves in general. As we stretch, we grow. We improve. We break through what we previously perceived as a limit and learn that we are capable of more. When we know we are capable of more, we create more.
Every time I push out of my comfort zone, I grow. I won’t retreat. I will keep pushing.
Will you? How? What will you do today?
Jan 5, 2018 | Blog
“A problem well put is half solved” ~ John Dewey
Seems logical, right? Kind of like “measure twice, cut once” – we can all get behind these statements.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
But that’s kind of the problem. Once we see a quote like that, we move on. We nod in agreement without getting all there is to get from these statements – before letting them inform and improve our behavior.
We need to go deeper. There’s so much more in it.
The first thing that jumps out at me is how most of us are so far from “a problem well put”. We “put” our problems in a way that prevents us from focusing on or considering solutions.
The reason that a problem well put is half solved is because the problem is framed from the perspective of how it might be solved.
A problem well put opens up the solvers to the solutions that will make a difference.
But that’s not how most of us frame our problems.
More often than not, when we are talking about or describing a problem, we’re justifying the problem. We’re arguing for the validity of it. We’re making a case for the severity & existence of the problem. We’re demonstrating our familiarity with it.
We’re arguing for the problem, not trying to solve it.
We’re making a case for the problem, not for the solution.
We’re justifying the validity of the problem instead of seeking valid solutions.
I read dozens of emails every day where people share their problems in such explicit detail, with paragraphs of justifications, barriers and challenges.
Very few of them even address possible solutions one time.
A problem well put is not defended, justified or validated.
A problem well put is objective, not emotional, and open to solutions.
How can you live this quote instead of simply reading it? How can you frame your problems more effectively? How can you focus more on the solution than the problem?
Argue for the solution, not for the problem.
Here are a few questions to consider when you’re thinking about your own problems & challenges:
- How could I see this differently?
- If this could be solved, how would I go about it?
- What are 5 potential solutions?
- What other options are there?
- What actions can I take to move in a different direction?
- Who might have solutions to this problem?
- How can I focus more on the solution than the problem?
Quotes are not meant to inspire us, they’re meant to inform our actions.
“A problem well put is half solved.”
Jan 4, 2018 | Blog
I don’t have it all together all the time. I am not calm & happy all the time, I don’t eat well all the time and I don’t always make myself proud.
But I am always paying attention.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
That’s probably the biggest difference between who I am now & who I was a couple years ago. I pay attention. I pay attention to my moods, my attitude, my choices and my thoughts by asking good questions & asking them regularly.
Let me take you inside my personal life, my real-world struggles and how I take control and create wins where I’m at risk of losing, dropping the ball, or staying in a funk.
The last two weeks have been super challenging for me.
- My tiny home was delivered…with serious issues. I won’t get into them here until they are resolved, but I promise to share more. In fact, I’ll be launching a new podcast on tiny living & simplifying your life.
- I’ve spent most of my days in a cold, small home without water or working plumbing dealing with contractors, plumbers and manufacturers…not working even though I really needed to be working.
- It was FLFT launch week and I couldn’t give the time to it that I wanted to.
- Not having water means not being able to cook and relying on eating out and takeout more often than I’d prefer.
- Plus of course the holidays, family, parties, travel and all that stuff adding to a chaotic schedule.
One night, I was sitting in my loft feeling incredibly overwhelmed, nervous and upset. I wasn’t happy. Everything felt wrong.
I pulled out my journal and wrote:
What is between me and fully enjoying this moment?
Fear. Frustration. Disappointment. To-dos.
But the more I thought about it, I realized that the things I was upset about couldn’t be fixed at that moment. I didn’t have a plumber there. I didn’t have the manufacturer there. I didn’t have internet. So I was letting things I couldn’t change at that moment rob me of time I could be enjoying.
What a waste of a good day to spend it upset over things I can’t control.
When I’m overwhelmed or upset I ask myself: can I solve any of these problems right now? If the answer is yes, it’s time to get to work.
If the answer is no, it’s time to stop focusing on it, at least for now.
There was certainly plenty in that day I could be grateful for but I have to be intentional about turning my focus & attention to those things.
I have an amazing business that allows me to do what I love & help people every day.
I am healthy.
I have a precious family.
I’m in love.
There are solutions to the problems I’m experiencing and we’re working towards them.
Asking that simple question, “what is between me and fully enjoying this moment?” allowed me to reset, take control and not create a spiral of negativity to robs me of precious time I’ll never get back.
Asking and answering that question changed my perspective and my mood.
I put on some great music, pulled out a book I love, snuggled under a new blanket and texted my boyfriend to tell him I love him.
So, the next time you are stressed, overwhelmed, unhappy or upset, ask yourself what is between you & fully enjoying the moment you’re in.
For more questions that can change your life, check out this presentation from the other night! It’s worth your time for sure!
Jan 3, 2018 | Blog
Did you see my post on Instagram yesterday? I picked up this Hafiz quote on a Christmas ornament the other day and I’m reminding myself of it regularly. It will be prominently displayed somewhere in my new tiny home…
The words you speak become the house you live in.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
This will work wildly in your favor or disasterously against you. It’s happening either way.
Fortunately, you get to choose. You are in control of which way it works in your life.
And, it’s not just your words. More than your words, it’s also your thoughts.
If your thoughts & words are about what is wrong, what’s not fair, why you’re stressed, behind, not good enough, not thin enough, not fit enough, not wealthy enough – it is in your problems & your lack that you will build your life.
Your life will reflect lack and you will struggle to overcome challenges.
While those challenges might be very real, they certainly don’t have to be where you choose to focus.
You can choose to redirect your attention, thoughts and words to what is right.
Either way, where you choose to focus, the thoughts you think most often and the words you speak regularly will be what builds your life.
If your words & thoughts are about what is right, what is good, what you’re grateful for & the potential you have to create change in your life, your life will rise from gratitude & optimism.
Practice being part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
Practice focusing on what is right instead of on what is wrong.
Practice living from the perspective of what you can do instead of what you can’t do.
Afterall, the words you speak become the house you live in.
