Raise Your Standards: Using Sex to Improve Choices

by | Jun 18, 2019 | Blog

It’s time to raise your standards when it comes to choices you make with food, money, communication and self talk. How will we do it? Sex. Yes, sex.

Last week, I sent this message out to my VIP email and I got so many responses, I knew it needed to live on the blog so you can share it!

Before we talk sex, a quick heads up. This Thursday June 20th at 8pm eastern time, I’m going live via Zoom for a FREE workshop on overcoming past patterns and setting yourself free from habits that don’t serve you. This workshop is only for people who are on the wait list for the Summer 12 Weeks to Transformation because I want to make sure they understand what makes our 12 weeks different from everything they’ve done before. At the end of the workshop, I’ll open up registration AND announce 3 serious bonuses (including a 24-hour-only discount) for people who are on live. I’ve never done bonuses or discounts, so if you’ve been thinking about the 12 WT, make sure you’re on the wait list and do everything you can to join me live this Thursday.

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Raise Your Standards

It would be WAY easier to write this post with pronouns like “we” and “you” rather than “I” and “me”. But, I don’t want to assume that you have felt or behaved the way I have, so I’m taking the more uncomfortable path. This is a post about a lesson I’ve learned. While it might not all be true for you, if you’re willing to read it, I challenge you to ask yourself, “Is there something for me in this?

For most of my life, I didn’t really have standards for food. If something looked good or I had a craving, I’d usually indulge. More often than not, I’d over-indulge to the point that I wished I hadn’t ate the thing(s).

I’d get snacks from the vending machine at work, Hostess cupcakes from the gas station. I’d eat handfuls of crackers I didn’t even really like or the entire bread basket when the bread was absolutely only average.

No matter how badly I wanted to lose weight, get healthier or feel in control of my relationship with food, I’d grab 3 cookies from the party tray at work or stop at McDonalds for fries and ice cream before going home for dinner.

I’d tell myself, “I love food! It’s a stress-release valve for me!

A few years ago, while I was really working to put these patterns behind me for good, I had an “aha moment”.

I also like sex. I like it a lot. It too can be a really effective stress-release valve for me.

However, I wasn’t ever treating sex the way I was treating food. (You can take a deep breath now, mom.)

Can you imagine if I applied my food perspective to sex?

Sex would be nice right now. Hey you. Yeah, you over there. Sex? Right now? I mean, why not? I’ll totally do better tomorrow.”

I ate cold leftovers. I ate melted ice cream sandwiches out of the trash. Freezer-burned ice cream. Flavorless cookies. Stale tortilla chips.

However: this is super important. The problem was NOT just the food that wasn’t worth it. The problem was also the food I thought was worth it. “Is it going to be good?” isn’t a high enough standard.

It certainly isn’t a high enough standard for my sex life. I’m not interested in sex “as long as it’s good” – there are WAY more standards than that. In fact, “Will it be good?” doesn’t even make it into my top 3 considerations!

Surely, there are lots of people with whom sex would be good, even great. Just like there are lots of foods or drinks that would absolutely be good, even great.

But, how will I feel afterwards? Is that who or how I want to be?

I have high standards for sex. Sure, I want it to be good, but that’s actually my least important standard.

I want to do it for the right reasons. With the right person. At the right time. In a way that makes me feel special and not cheap & disconnected.

And you know, that’s how I want to feel about food, too. Connected, not disconnected.

Maybe you can relate to this. Maybe you can’t. But perhaps there’s something you can take away from this related to your communication with your loved ones and having standards for that. You certainly have standards for your communication with strangers, right?

Maybe it’s about the standards you have for money.  Maybe it’s about the standards you have for the way you talk to yourself.

I’ll leave you with a really important Jon Stewart quote:

“If you don’t stick to your values when they are being tested, they’re not your values.”

If you don’t stick to your standards when they’re being tested, they’re not your standards.

Might be time for an upgrade. It might be time to raise your standards.

Not sure where to start? Make sure you’re on the wait list for our summer 12 Weeks to Transformation so you can learn more about creating change and getting out of your own way! I’m doing a totally free workshop just for folks on the wait list so hop on to learn more! Raise your standards and be there live with me!

(Join the discussion about this post in our Free Primal Potential FB group!)

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