One of the greatest gifts of my life was being obese for most of it.
Seriously. It’s true. It was a gift. It was also a tremendous burden and the source of some of my deepest pain, but now I can see legitimate ways in which it was a powerful gift.
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It’s a gift because it gives me great empathy & understanding. It gives me genuine respect for the struggles people share with me every day.
Since I’ve lived the frustration and hypocrisy of desperating wanting to change while simultaneously choosing the behaviors that keep me from it, I understand.
Because I’ve eaten food out of the trash, binged, purged & eaten in secret, I never judge other people’s struggles.
My own pain has given me compassion and patience. It has made me a better teacher, mentor, coach & podcaster.
That’s why I’m writing this open letter. If you consider yourself a coach or if you’re a personal trainer, nutritionist, therapist, podcaster or anything in between, I hope you’ll read (or listen) to this with an open mind.
This open letter isn’t about you, it’s about your clients. Your clients, who, while you complain about them or their questions/struggles, make it possible for you to do what you do.
It’s about your clients who deserve to come to you without being judged.
They aren’t a burden; they are a blessing. And, if I hear you talking about them as if they are a burden or as if you are somehow better than them, I’m going to gently remind you:
They are, probably, more of a gift to you than you are to them.
Please don’t get it twisted.
Yes, I know you’ve heard the question they are asking 1000 times. But this person who asked you, they haven’t heard the answer 1000 times.
If you don’t want to answer the same question 1,000 times, don’t be a coach. Don’t be a trainer. Hang up your hat. It’s not for you.
Because that’s part of the job. If you’re tired, take a break. Your fatigue isn’t your client’s fault.
Answer their question as if it’s your first time answering because it’s very likely their first time asking.
And if it’s not their first time asking, you have an opportunity to do your job and answer in a different way so that perhaps it resonates with them this time.
Answering the question 1,000 times in 1,000 ways is a gift to you because it makes you better at what you do. It allows you to help more people. It keeps you in business. Don’t get it twisted.
They could have gone to anyone for the answer, but they came to you. That’s a gift. To you.
Be grateful. Show your gratitude in your response.
Don’t judge them by their struggle.
You might not share their struggle but you certainly have your own and wouldn’t care to be judged by it.
They might not have this area of their life figured out but you can at least respect the fact that they are coming to you because they are trying.
If you are going to joke about them behind their back or do anything other than patiently and eagerly help them, send them my way.
The tagline of TED Talks is: ideas worth spreading. I love that. I think we, as a Primal Potential family, need to focus more on ideas worth spreading AND we need to challenge ourselves to implement them every single day.
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When I saw that line “ideas worth spreading”, I happened to have my journal in front of me and casually wrote, “What ideas do I think are worth spreading? What am I going to do to live them today in my choices & behavior?”
Here’s what I wrote:
Connection is the highest form of achievement.
I really wish someone had told me this a few years ago. So many of us, myself included, get hyperfocused on goals like money, career & weight loss. I’ve been hypnotized, at various times, by all 3 at the expense of connection.
Really though, connection is what matters most. Meaningful relationships with other people, honest relationships with ourselves, trust, love, intimacy, communication, integrity, joy, laughter…those matter most.
That is why I say so often on the podcast that I’d like all of us to pursue happiness as the path to health instead of health as the path to happiness.
I’m all for financial goals, career goals & of course health/fitness goals but don’t put them on a pedestal above connection.
And, as you consider connection, don’t lose sight of the fact that it’s impossible to have great, true, honest, deep relationships with others if you don’t have it first with yourself.
Connection begins with you.
Keep the promises you make to yourself.
We love to talk about honesty & integrity. We love to hold others to the standard of truth yet we let ourselves off the hook dozens of times a day, at a minimum!
We care tremendously about being honest & trustworthy to the people around us yet we’re so often not honest with ourselves.
Why do we hold others to a higher standard of honesty & integrity than the one to which we hold ourselves? That has got to change, and we can begin to change it today.
We break promises to ourselves, constantly, in small ways…
We vow to not hit the snooze button and then we do.
We vow to go to the gym but we skip it.
We pledge to stay away from the leftover pie but then have a piece at 7am.
We make a budget & then justify spending on a sale.
Take a sliver of that value you’ve placed on being trustworthy to others & start to value your word to yourself.
In the smallest of ways, begin to keep the promises you make to yourself. Start today.
The “I’ll start tomorrow” way of life has got to end.
It is totally unproductive. Whether you’ll clean the kitchen tomorrow, eat better tomorrow, get to the gym tomorrow or anything in between, we need to make a movement of NOW.
If your “tomorrow” is Monday, the 1st of the year, when the kids go back to school or when the in-laws leave, the same applies to you. It’s all the same.
We need to create a movement of NOW.
“Tomorrow’ is a lie we tell to talk ourselves into a moment. I have no doubt that all our intentions are good as we argue for “tomorrow” but it’s a failing strategy.
Now matters. “Later” is just an idea.
Your success will skyrocket when you stop complaining & assuming.
We all do it…too much. Both assuming & complaining take your focus and attention off what matters most and what you want to achieve. They are tremendously negative distractions. They require a ton of energy & produce only negative results.
Try to go for 24 hours without a single complaint or assumption. You’ll likely be shocked by how many times you find yourself complaning about your energy level, the traffic, weather, the news, someone else’s behavior or any other number of trivial things.
We do it automatically and often half-consciously. The same is true of assumptions. We assume how people are feeling, what they mean instead of what they said…we assume answers to questions.
We assume our future behavior will follow the pattern of our past behavior.
Challenge yourself every single day to make no assumptions & refuse to complain. Your energy will skyrocket, as will your mood and progress.
Eat foods you love that love you back.
This is absolutely an idea worth spreading! It’s not either you eat foods you love or you eat foods that love you back. You can do both. You should do both!
Find foods you love that are aligned with your goals AND find ways to eat the foods you love most in a way that loves you back. It’s possible & it’s the difference between sustainable results & unsustainable results/no results at all.
Yes, there are challenges. There are roadblocks & circumstances that make change difficult. Welcome to the human experience. This is true for all of us.
You only have 2 choices: you can see these obstacles as reasons you can’t reach your goals or you can commit to finding a way regardless of the obstacle.
The obstacle is the way isn’t some “smile about your hardships” kind of statement. It’s just reality. The obstacle is the way because the way will always have obstacles. Don’t complain about it. It’s the reality of all of us.
The easy path might not be available to you but there is still a path available to you.
The challenge is this: what will you DO with what moves you? How will you live an idea worth spreading? How will you live it today? I challenge you to pick one thing that has moved you today & do something with it. Make something happen. Let it inform a choice or decision. Let it influence how you respond to a challenging situation.
Ideas worth spreading are absolutely useless unless you put them to work in your life on a regular basis.
At the risk of extreme vulnerability & personal sharing, I’m taking you through my 2017 year-end review process in the hopes that you’ll be intentional about going through your own.
I made the decision to share much more personal stuff than I normally do to show the necessity of both failure & success and how oftentimes, our most significant launch pad is established by what, if not investigated, appears to be a failure.
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
When I walked into the gym at 5:36am today, I grabbed a Sharpie and gave myself a large, temporary tattoo. Across my forearm in capital letters I wrote: RWH.
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It’s Thanksgiving here in the US and my alarm was set for 3:50am. My coffee pot was set for the same time.
I didn’t hit snooze. I stopped by the bathroom and grabbed my new Daily Stoic Journal. I drank a few cups of coffee, returned emails and got some important work done.
At 5:20am I left for the gym, a couple hours earlier than normal. There’s only 1 workout today, offered at 6am and 8am: Murph, the classic CrossFit hero wod in honor of Lt Michael Murphy.
I was nervous about it. No matter how many times you’ve done it, it tests mental & physical limits.
That’s why I wrote RWH on my arm.
It stands for “return with honor“. A couple weeks ago I heard that “RWH” is what the American POWs in the Vietnam War would say to each other as they were individually dragged away to be tortured for intel.
American pilots, including Senator John McCain, shot down & captured during the Vietname War were held in solitary confinement for years.
They would communicate to each other by making tapping and sweeping sounds with brooms. One of their signals was “RWH” – return with honor – a reminder to hold true to their highest values and stay strong no matter the circumstances.
When I heard that story, it floored me. It inspired me beyond measure and I’ve carried with me ever since. As soon as I heard it I recorded a voice note to some of my FLFT & Masters Club groups which you can listen to here.
So, as I went into this hero workout, honoring a fallen American soldier, I wanted to stay mindful of RWH.
When I thought my arms would fail me on the push-ups, I’d stare at those bold, black letters on my arm: RWH.
When I took off on the second run, wanted to quit and could barely pick up my feet, I stared at the message of strength on my arm: RWH.
And though I’m now fresh & showered and headed to celebrate Thanksgiving, those letters didn’t scrub off. In every word I speak today, in every choice I make, I’ll be visibly reminded of this message of honor, pride and strength.
I’m going to find a metal-worker in my area to fashion these letters to go over my doorway.
Return with honor. Make myself proud. Live up to my highest values in every choice. Be brave. Don’t back down.
Do not wish away the rest of the year. Do not wish away the rest of the day so you can get to your fresh start tomorrow. We’ve got to work together to completely eliminate this notion of starting tomorrow, Monday, after vacation or at the first of the year.
Today we are talking about 3 strategies you can implement to make the last 6 weeks of the year the absolute best 6 weeks of the year so you can go soaring into 2018 with epic levels of momentum & motivation.
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
