Dec 19, 2017 | Blog
This is a great time of year to talk about letting go of the quest for more: more food, more stuff, more gifts, more stress, more drama.
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I want to kick off this post the way I kicked off episode 429 of the Primal Potential podcast, by sharing an excerpt from The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist.
No matter who we are or what our circumstances, we swim in conversations about what there isn’t enough of.
I see it in myself. For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is, “I didn’t get enough sleep”. The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining or worrying about what we don’t have enough of.
We don’t have enough time. We don’t have enough rest. We don’t have enough exercise. We don’t have enough work. We don’t have enough profits. We don’t have enough power…of course we don’t have enough money – ever.
Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day.
The mantra of not enough carries the day and becomes a kind of default setting for our thinking about everything, from the cash in our pockets to the people we love or the value of our own lives. What begins as a simple expression of the hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life. It becomes the reason we can’t have what we want or be who we want to be.
I recognize this in myself. The way “not enough” is described often feels like my life – not enough sleep, not enough time, not enough fun, not enough, not enough, not enough.
I am determined to change this. I am determined to think and act differently.
I am determined to choose less as a way of appreciating all I have and re-affirming that I do, in fact, have enough. More than enough.
I am choosing less stress. Less drama. Less emotion. Less arguing. Less negativity. Less food. Less spending. Less stuff. Less complaining. Less alcohol. Less sugar. Less excess.
I am choosing less wherever and whenever I can.
In episode 429 I talk about exactly what this means to me and what I’ll be changing about my choices to make this happen. Take a listen!
Dec 18, 2017 | Blog
The other day, I had the best drink of my entire life. Hands down. A fresh cocoa bean margarita. Amazing! If you’re following me on Instagram, you probably saw it in my stories.
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I was on a working vacation for 10 days and there were treats, sweets and alcohol absolutely everywhere.
One of the highlights of the trip was a visit to a Mayan cocoa bean farm & factory. After the tour they were selling Mayan chocolate bars & cocoa bean margaritas, pina coladas, hot chocolate and the like.
Of course I bought the cocoa bean margarita. It was E P I C. I literally watched them put fresh cocoa beans into the blender as they made it. Delicious doesn’t do it justice. It was one of the best drinks I’ve ever had.
Totally worth it.
As I savored the special drink I thought, “This is exactly why I don’t drink random, average drinks throughout the trip.” Most drinks just aren’t worth it. If they are average, they aren’t worth it.
When I indulge, I want it to be exceptional. That, to me, is worth it.
There’s nothing special about a generic margarita. Tasty, sure, but not worth it. There’s nothing special about an average piece of red velvet cake on a dessert buffett. Yeah, I love red velvet cake but I’m only going to eat it if it’s truly worth it and it’s only worth it if it’s awesome.
I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’ve had enough average and below average indulgences to last me a lifetime. They didn’t make me happy. In fact, they made me unhappy.
When I indulge, I want it to be worth it. I want to indulge in the kinds of things that are so good you want to tell someone about it.
The reason I’m telling you about this cocoa bean margarita and what’s worth it to me is because I didn’t use to think this way. I didn’t get it. I wasn’t selective. Everything tempted me. I struggled to turn down a free grocery store cookie in the break room at work.
None of it was worth it but I wasn’t even considering that. I wasn’t in the habit of considering if it was worth it. I was just eating whatever looked good at the moment. It wasn’t a strategy that worked for me. It wasn’t a strategy that made me happy. But, it was my strategy.
The reason I wasn’t thinking that way then is because I wasn’t choosing to think of it that way. I wasn’t questioning my own operating system. I wasn’t looking for a different way to think about it versus the simple “good food, bad food”.
I hadn’t established any standards for indulging. I had ideas and hopes but not strategies I practiced regularly.
After the margarita I started to think about how I created this shift.
How I moved from just eating what tempted me and relying on willpower to really being discerning about what’s worth it and what’s not.
How did I train myself to implement standards and determine worthiness?
I started by simply asking myself, “What is really worth it?” What’s not worth it?”
I began journaling about these questions with the perspective of the day at hand, not just life in general.
For example, I’d ask myself, “Is there an indulgence today that will be totally worth it? Why is it worth it? Are there indulgences I might see today that aren’t worth it? What are they? Why aren’t they worth it?”
When I asked those kinds of questions about the daily perspective, I’d remember as I walked into the meeting room with donuts that I know they aren’t worth it. I know they aren’t worth it because they only last a few seconds, they destroy my energy and make the rest of the day harder.
I’d also rank indulgences on a scale of 1-10 as I evaluated them. I still do this regularly. Every night while on vacation I’d look at the menu and evaluate if anything was worth it. Did anything look like it was a 10? Usually not.
If it did, I’d try a bite. A bite. Then, after that bite, I’d re-evaluate. Is it a 10? If not, I move on.
I saw a delicious looking red-velvet cake and I got a slice. I took a bite. It wasn’t a 10. It wasn’t worth it. I set it down and moved along. If I’m going to indulge, I want it to be awesome, like that cocoa bean margarita. It was a 10. Totally worth it.
In episode 397 of the podcast I talk about the importance of creating standards & bright lines. Definitely check out that episode if this is something you need help practicing.
For now, try the daily strategy. Ask yourself what, if anything, will be really worth it today. Ask what you might encounter that isn’t worth it, why it isn’t worth it and how you’ll respond to it.
When you indulge, make sure it’s really worth it!
Dec 15, 2017 | Blog
You become your story. Guys, I so need you to understand this. I wish someone had explained it to me years ago.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
My story was a huge part of the reason I struggled with my weight for most of my life.
I was a heavy baby. I was always the chubby toddler. The heavy kid. The fat girl. I adopted that as “who I am”.
I’m just the fat girl. I’m the heavy one. I’ve always been big.
It grew from there. I’m an emotional eater. I’m great at losing weight, terrible at keeping it off.
I was taking my past, claiming it for my present and projecting it onto my future.
For as long as I believed, “I’m just the fat girl”, my choices reflected my story. My choices aligned with my identify, it just wasn’t an identity I wanted. It was, however, the one I was claiming with my story.
Every day I point out stories to my clients and was so happy to see a related quote from Varun Soni in my Instagram feed yesterday:
We become the stories we tell ourselves.
Think about that.
I’m such an emotional eater.
I’m out of control.
I’m not motivated.
I’m such an all-or-nothing person.
I can’t lose weight.
I have no will power.
You will live right into your story.
Please understand that your past choices & patterns are not who you are. They are not all you are capable of.
Do not take your past choices and define yourself by them.
You can create a different story. You can stop limiting your present by clinging to your past.
It’s time to divorce your past. It’s time to stop defining yourself by it.
When you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.
Use your choices today to create a different story.
When you start thinking, “I have no will power“, reframe that story by asking yourself, “What is one disciplined choice I am able and willing to make today?”
Are you being led by your past or your potential?
You become your story so choose carefully!
Dec 13, 2017 | Blog
Like I shared with you guys in yesterday’s blog, while I’m away on vacation I’m working on specific targets for my first book including a comprehensive draft of the outline and a draft of the first chapter.
When I woke up yesterday, I set out to write for an hour. At the top of the page I typed, Goal: shitty first draft.
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It’s a notion that many writing experts espouse: just put down a shitty first draft.
Instead of trying to craft the perfect paragraph, don’t worry about if what you’re writing is good, just get it out on paper.
It can be paralyzing to hem & haw over the beautiful arrangement of the right words. But that’s not the goal. The goal is a shitty first draft.
It’s a heck of a lot easier to improve a shitty first draft than to craft a first draft you feel great about.
Plus, the target of writing a first shitty draft feels way more managable than writing something that’s amazing on the first try.
I think that’s a great approach to any task or target. Shitty first draft can be an operating system for life in general!
How often do we not eat well because we can’t eat perfectly?
Since we already had a donut for breakfast, we might as well have fries at lunch.
Or since we have to go out to dinner, why bother trying to make good choices?
We hold ourselves back when we strive for perfection.
We remove tons of opportunities for practice when we dismiss all imperfect scenarios.
There is another option.
How can you apply this idea of “shitty first draft” to your life?
You can go to the gym with the goal to get in a slow, easy workout instead of an intense or long workout.
You can enjoy one alcoholic drink instead of three.
You can choose a fat loss friendly dinner after overeating at lunch.
You can turn off the TV in the middle of a Netflix binge instead of staying up super late.
You can apologize to your partner instead of pouting and going to bed angry to prove a point.
The shitty first draft approach is about taking action now instead of wating for the perfect conditions.
It’s about doing what you can do instead of delaying because it’s not ideal.
How can you take imperfect action today?
Dec 12, 2017 | Blog
This week is a big week for me. I’m on vacation, but I’m spending as much time as I can on the first draft of my first book. To say I’m excited is an understatement.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here. (This blog was initially sent out to my Primal Potential VIP email list.)
One of the first steps I took before launching into this book was to go back through all my old journals. I was looking to find what strategies & ideas pulled me out of my hardest moments – times when I felt like progress was so damn far away.
In reviewing the last few years of journals I was looking to answer the questions:
What have been the most valuable strategies for creating success amidst struggle?
What has helped me the most when I’ve been struggling?
What have I done to snap out of slumps and create change when I was feeling hopeless?
What have been my most successful strategies in creating change with clients?
As I’ve gone through hundreds of pages and countless emails, one concept keeps recurring:
You are only a handful of choices away from feeling amazing.
You are only a couple days away from feeling so much better.
I know how awful it can feel to be in a pattern of making crappy choices.
Maybe you’ve been overeating or gaining weight. Maybe you’ve been totally checked out and not even remotely focused on your goals. Maybe you’ve been making excuses and putting off doing the work.
It feels awful. It makes you feel stuck.
You are not stuck.
Feeling better is NOT far away. It’s so much closer than you think. It’s as near as just a few good choices.
Let’s say it’s been weeks or months of struggle.
A few good choices will improve your mood. A few good choices will create momentum. A few good choices will increase your confidence and bring you closer to the change you crave.
In as little as a day or two you can go from feeling frustrated and hopeless to in control and motivated.
You are only one good choice away from feeling better than you do right now.
When we break it down like that, turning the ship around feels much more manageable.
I am 1 good choice away from feeling better than I do right now.
I am 1 good choice away from feeling more in control than I do right now.
I am a handful of good choices away from feeling dramatically different.
I am just a great day or two away from feeling amazing.
That has always been, and continues to be, a huge source of inspiration to me!
I drank a lot more than normal when I was in Punta Cana a few weeks ago. When I came home, I felt bloated and tired.
I opened up my phone and wrote to myself: you are just a couple good days away from feeling amazing! Start here, start now!
There are so many other strategies and perspectives I’ve identified while going back through client emails, webinars & journals. These realizations are leading to some crazy-exciting changes and improvements to the winter Fat Loss Fast Track!
To start, I’ve overhauled the journal to make sure it helps lead you the right actions for you, every single day. I’m also re-structuring the weekly challenges and level up lectures to ensure they reflect the most effective change strategies.
Next week I’m opening up the winter Fat Loss Fast Track to the wait list. If you aren’t on the wait list, you can hop on it super fast – just click here: https://primalpotential.com/wait18/
Love you guys! I really hope to get an opportunity to work with you this winter! Remember, you’re 1 great choice away from feeling more in control!
Dec 11, 2017 | Blog
Recently, a major publication shared my story. I’m not going to say where it was published because I don’t have a lot of respect for how they did it. I could go on about that, but I’m not going to. Here’s why:
One of my personal committments as a business owner is to be relentlessly positive so instead of critiquing their process, sharing details or problems and putting them on blast, I’m just going to clarify what I want clarified.
I’ll be honest, when I first saw the piece, my heart sank. The title is something I don’t represent or believe in. Many of the recommendations are not things I stand by or would ever recommend.
However, the piece itself might bring people here and to my podcast who might not have otherwise found it and that’s awesome. I’m grateful for that. And I’ll maintain my commitment to educating & inspiring every day.
So with that perspective in mind, let me make a few things really clear:
- I strongly encourage slow, sustainable weight loss. Nine pounds in a week is not sustainable and not something I would ever promote or suggest is reasonable. It’s not. Might you lose 9 lbs in a week when first making major changes? Sure! Most of that is water and that kind of week is a major anomaly.
- When I talk about the golden rules of carbs and fat loss and having your carbs at night, I don’t mean cookies or ice cream. I’m all for occassional indulgences but rest assured that cookies aren’t something I recommend for health, fat loss, energy or anything else.
- In episode 195 of the podcast I talk about how, for energy, fat loss and overall health, look to get your carbs from whole food sources and gradually work towards keeping your consumption to about one serving at that meal. Examples would be fruit or sweet potato, not processed foods.
- Though I’m not a purist, we will be fittest, healthiest and most energetic when we aren’t indulging in sugar & treats every day. This change doesn’t have to happen immediately, but it’s something to work towards.
If you’re new to the site and want to get a good sense of my perspective on nutrition for fat loss, here are some episodes of the podcast I recommend.
Carb Timing
How To Make Breakfast A Fat Burning Meal
Primal Lunch Ideas
The Golden Rules of Carbs & Fat Loss
Carb Spillover
Always Hungry
If you ever have questions or suggestions, leave a comment!
Dec 8, 2017 | Blog
I don’t remember where I first heard the phrase “can’t lives on won’t street” but I hope I never forget the words. I hope it’s one of those annoying parental responses I use with my future children ad nauseum. (Oh those lucky little kiddos…)
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
When I first heard that, I thought about the opposite: “can lives on will street.” Also true.
Let’s break it down with some clear examples.
You say you can’t do pull-ups. What you’re really saying is that you won’t do the work to lose weight, build strength and practice regularly.
You say you can’t lose weight. What you’re really saying is that you won’t stay committed long enough to find what works for you and consistently work hard until you reach your goals.
When you say you can’t get out of debt, what you’re really saying is that you won’t cut your expenses and you won’t invest in opportunities to make more money.
When you say you can’t do something, what you’re really facing is what you won’t do.
Let’s flip the script.
When you feel like you can’t, ask yourself the following questions:
What am I saying I won’t do?
What would it take?
If this was possible, what would have to happen?
Can I break what would have to happen into small parts?
What action can I take today on one of the small parts?
What piece of this am I willing to create consistency with?
You might choose not to do the work. It might not be worth it to you. You might not be ready. You might not be willing.
But all of those things are quite different from “can’t”.
Dec 7, 2017 | Blog
Every month I study a new book with my Primal Potential Masters Club. As an avid reader, it’s one of my favorite things. I don’t usually share the books we read together outside of our group, but there are so many awesome tactics in this one I just can’t help myself!
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click here.
This month we are reading Micro-Resilience. I read it before sharing it with the group and I just finished reading it for a second time through.
One of the things that really stood out to me as I finished up this morning was:
Complain & the whole world complains with you.
It’s so true, right?
Think about this interaction that probably seems alarmingly familiar:
“How are you?”
“So busy, you?”
“Same. Surviving!“
Of course that’s a benign scenario but still demonstrates – complain and the world complains with you.
What about when you complain about a co-worker or a boss? Ever experienced the pile on effect?
“He’s impossible. He drives me crazy!”
“Me too! You won’t believe what he did the other day…“
Here’s one of many problems with these scenarios: they totally drain your energy.
They focus your attention on what is wrong and when you’re focused on what is wrong, you see more of that & less of what is right or positive.
The great news is that the reverse is true.
When we focus on what is right, what is possible and what is positive, most people will respond in kind.
I want to emphasize this goes beyond the moral pursuit of being a positive person.
Focusing on the positive improves your mood. You make better choices when you’re in a better mood.
Focusing on what is right helps you see opportunities instead of problems. It helps you find creative solutions instead of perseverating on obstacles.
Choosing to be positive increases your energy, reduces stress hormones, lowers appetite and contributes to mood stability.
Especially in this holiday season, will you please join me in not complaining?
Dec 5, 2017 | Blog
This blog is explicit. If curse words offend you, please skip this one. xoxo
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Every night, I check my workout for the following day. I like to know what to expect, primarily because it influences what bra I’m going to wear.
(Hey, that might be TMI but it’s true. Box jumps and jump rope have different bra requirements than back squats and rowing. I’m just saying…)
Anyways, when I looked at the workout last night I thought, “Looks like a good day for a rest day!”
Since I didn’t travel this past weekend, I’ve worked out 8 or 9 days (at the CrossFit box) in a row. I normally do 5-6 days at the box and then I’m away for a day or two. However, that wasn’t why I considered skipping the workout.
It was my least favorite kind of workout: all cardio, no weights, with running. Plus, it was running with a freakin’ sandbag. Thirty five pounds for the ladies. And, it was a specific number of rounds, versus an AMRAP. With an AMRAP, everyone finishes at the same time whether you completed 2 rounds or 22. When it’s not an AMRAP, someone finishes last.
So yeah. My least favorite kind of workout.
Fortunately, the ones I don’t want to do are the ones I refuse to skip. They’re the workouts I need the most. They’re the ones that make me better, physically & mentally.
I got to the gym and worked through my normal warm-up. Conor, one of the coaches, came in and I noticed that his t-shirt said “NFQ“.
I thought, “I wonder if that means ‘never fucking quit‘.” I considered asking him, but didn’t have time.
Fast foward into the workout…
I was doing my 3rd run with the sandbag while Conor, inspiringly fit, was doing his 4th. I could hear super fast feet behind me and new I was going to get passed.
As I he ran past me, I choked out “Never fucking quit!!!”
He didn’t react at all. Not a look, not a word and I thought – NFQ is probably the name of some company somewhere. I kind of chuckled at myself, though I couldn’t breathe, because it was really more of a reminder for me than for him. His workout was almost over. I was only halfway through my 3rd round.
It inspired me. I started running faster. Pulling harder. I even ran an extra 200 meters at the end, with my partner, so she didn’t finish alone.
When I finished, Conor walked up to me. He gave me a high five and said “thanks for that”. He meant it.
I’m sure it helped me more than it helped him, but I thought I’d share it with you in case it helps you, too.
Never fucking quit. It doesn’t matter where you are or how far you have to go.
Don’t quit on this day. Don’t quit on that project. Don’t quit on yourself, your workout, your choices. Just keep going.
Pick up your feet and never fucking quit.
