777: Change Your Life with Rachel Luna

Aug 13, 2020 | Podcast

Hi, friends! It’s Elizabeth here, and I am so excited to share Episode 777 of Primal Potential with you today! Primal Potential is a podcast all about you — your ability to change is not defined by yesterday and doesn’t need to wait until tomorrow. Your transformation is now, no matter what stage you find yourself in life!

I have a very special guest to introduce to you today, guys. Her name is Rachel Luna. She is an absolutely incredible woman and a huge inspiration to me, and I know she’ll inspire you too! In fact, I guarantee that the wisdom she shares in our conversation will leave you with more clarity, more fire, and more drive to take control of your life.

I really wanted to bring Rachel in and get her on the podcast because she has a crazy amount of genius when it comes to journaling. She says,

“Journaling, in my perspective, unlocks every secret that you have. … when you journal with intention, you manifest a new reality.” – Rachel Luna

Manifest a new reality… that sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? How many of you have dreams or goals that you just haven’t manifested yet? I know I do! Some of us are on a weight loss journey, some of us are trying to launch a new business… we all have big dreams! And it may be easy to think, “Hmm, I don’t know, I just don’t think journaling is going to be the thing that helps me achieve this…” but I promise, Rachel Luna’s wisdom and brilliance is here to change your mind!

So let’s dive in!

Who Is Rachel Luna?

But before we get in deep on the practice of journaling and how it can help you manifest the reality you want, I wanted to give you guys a little background on Rachel. She is such a special person, and her story truly inspires me!

Rachel grew up in New York City dreaming of fame and fun parties, but all that changed when a coworker at her job at Footlocker mentioned that she was enlisting in the Marine Corps. From that moment on, Rachel was inspired. She enlisted in the Marines herself, and shortly after was deployed to Iraq. She served in the Marines for ten years, and during that time traveled to 18 countries and learned four languages!

But her story doesn’t end there. During her time in the Marine Corps, Rachel met and got to know many wounded warriors who sustained lifelong injuries and disabilities but who nevertheless approached each day with confidence and determination. Again, Rachel found herself feeling the inspiration! When she got back home, she invested in a life coach, and very quickly got out of debt, married a wonderful man, had beautiful children, and launched her own successful coaching business to help people like you gain the confidence and clarity needed to understand their calling and experience financial freedom and incredible relationships!

Since then, Rachel has gone on to do so many other amazing things. For one, she survived cancer! She’s also become a highly sought speaker at events in the US and internationally, and she’s the author of a bestselling book, Successful People are Full of C.R.A.P.: A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting it Together And Achieving Your Dreams (seriously, isn’t that title hilarious?). She’s a podcaster, a successful business woman, and the leader of Faith Activated, which is her year-long, faith-based journaling experience. In the program, she coaches clients through many of the journaling practices she talks about in this episode. It’s an incredible experience for so may people, and I highly recommend checking it out here!

I cannot speak highly enough of this girl. She is so genuinely passionate about helping other people grow in confidence and manifest the reality of their dreams. She has an incredible amount of wisdom to share, so let’s get into it!

Journaling with Intention

Let’s talk a little more about what it means to journal with intention. A lot of people I’ve spoken to have a resistance to journaling. They think journaling is kind of like keeping a little diary and writing things like, “Dear Diary, Today I had Cheerios for breakfast.” But that’s different from the kind of intentional journaling Rachel talks about. I asked her to clarify exactly how that kind of diary-keeping is different from journaling, and her response was so bright and perfect I’m just going to use her words:

“So when I talk to people about their journals or their diaries or whatever, it’s usually they are, like you said, keeping a memoir, a record of what happened … and that’s fine, right? But … That just leads to more of the same thing, right? If you think the same thoughts, you’re going to have the same feelings and you’re going to take the same actions or not take the same actions … or do nothing, and you stay in this loop.” – Rachel Luna

So when we think of journaling more as an exercise in record-keeping or in just writing down general memories or to-do lists, we keep ourselves in this loop. We’re writing down the same thoughts we have every day instead of using journaling as an opportunity for growth.

So how can we journal with intention and use that experience to manifest the reality we want? Of course, Rachel has a perfect step-by-step guide that she shared with me!

“… one of my biggest beliefs is that your thoughts and ideas are like three-year-old children. They need attention, right? What does a toddler do … ‘Mama! Mama! Mama!’ and they don’t stop until you actually acknowledge them.” – Rachel Luna

Okay, so step one: write down all of your feelings. You can write gratitude, frustration, fear, whatever it is you’re feeling in the moment! Then take it a little deeper and ask yourself why you’re feeling those things. ‘Why am I feeling afraid? What am I afraid will happen?’ Just be honest with yourself and emote all over the page!

Then move on to step two, the shift. This is where you start to get excited about what you want. You want to raise your vibration just a little bit higher. Write down some positive feelings, and give yourself some grace here! Maybe you write about how excited you are to be working on a new goal. Maybe you write down how grateful you can be for your period of uncertainty because it allows you to learn and grow. However you can, shift your attitude toward positivity and love.

And from that mindset of joy and positivity, you’re ready for step three! This is where you script your life exactly as you want it. So say your goal is to lose five pounds. In step three, you might write, “I am so excited today because I finally lost five pounds! I was frustrated before, but then I did the work, and I feel happy and proud of myself for reaching my weight loss goal.” Write in your journal as if you’ve already accomplished whatever it is you’re working toward!

“The brain doesn’t know the difference between the truth or a lie, so when you start to write with intention and script a new reality, your reticular activating system is looking around like, ‘Wait, we made better decisions. When did that happen?’” – Rachel Luna

When you script your reality as you want it to be instead of how it currently is, your brain notices the difference. And while that can cause some dissonance, it makes you more mindful of the choices you’re making, and that allows you to start making better choices that are more in line with your personal goals. If you’re trying to lose weight and write in your journal that you’ve already done it, the next time you reach for a slice of pizza, you won’t be doing it mindlessly. You’ll be better able to make decisions carefully, treat yourself with grace and forgiveness, and make strides toward your goal.

I’ve Been Telling Myself (Blank), But The Truth Is (Blank)

One of the journaling prompts Rachel likes to use for herself and with her clients is, “I’ve been telling myself (blank), but the truth is (blank). I think that is such an interesting way to have a conversation with yourself and see the places where you might need to acknowledge some truth and seek out areas where you need to grow.

“This prompt is the prompt that unlocks the creativity because ‘I’m telling myself this, but the truth is that’ … How do I really want to move forward? And … what if this were no longer the truth, and then you go into the script.” – Rachel Luna

When you use this prompt and ask yourself what the truth is and how it differs from what you’ve been telling yourself, you can unlock so much creative potential! Instead of staying stuck in your same old thought processes, you consider how you’ve been rationalizing old unproductive patterns, and that gives you the opportunity to move forward.

“So I think once you start to see that you are making justifications, then you have to go into the practice of figuring out how long are you willing to tolerate your own rationalizations?” – Rachel Luna

Let’s go back to the example of a weight loss journey. Maybe you’ve been trying to lose a few pounds for a while now, but you’ve been telling yourself, “I’m too busy to exercise right now.” If you go through this prompt, you may realize that’s not quite the truth. Maybe you write, “I’ve been telling myself I’m too busy to exercise right now, but the truth is that I’m afraid that I’ll get discouraged if I don’t start to make progress quickly.” Now we’re getting somewhere!

When you’re honest and begin to tell yourself the truth in your journal, you can start seeking solutions to the real problems. If you’re afraid of feeling too discouraged to maintain a healthy exercise routine, ask yourself what you can do about that! Maybe reach out to a friend and agree to mutually encourage each other. Perhaps consider ways you can reward yourself for taking small steps to get into your exercise routine. 

So by filling in the blanks in that prompt, you start to identify the real obstacles standing in your way. And when you see those obstacles clearly and treat yourself with positivity and grace through your journaling process, you can overcome your problems and reach your goals!

How to Build Confidence

In addition to being an excellent leader and mentor for clients going through the journaling process, Rachel is an expert at confidence. So I really wanted to spend some time talking with her about ways we can all build confidence in our lives, and unsurprisingly her advice was amazing.

Rachel has been through more than her share of trauma in her life. She’s experienced eating disorders, abuse, and date rape, in addition to her experiences in the Iraqi war and with breast cancer. This girl is no stranger to pain, struggle, and discouragement. But she refuses to let that cripple her:

“I just looked and asked myself… we’re all gonna have some sort of pain, right? So do I want the pain of living in this story, or do I want the pain of shifting and changing and growing and developing and using all of that for my good? Am I going to be a victim, or am I going to take the mess and turn it into a message and help empower myself and empower someone else along the way?” – Rachel Luna

What a powerful question. Are you going to let your negative experiences define your story while you live with the pain? Or are you going to shift and change and transform into something new and better?

You have the power to script your future. It’s not easy, but you can do it. Rachel was also kind enough to share a few of her best tips for growing in confidence, and they are truly golden.

“Number one: Keep your word to yourself. Most people don’t have confidence because they don’t have self-integrity. Most people don’t have confidence because instead of listening to themselves and connecting with their identity, they’re listening to what other people say.” – Rachel Luna

How true is that, right? So often we seek validation from others rather than from ourselves, and that is just a recipe for discouragement!

But how can we confront that tendency and learn to stop caring what others think? Well, for one thing, we can seek therapy. Especially if you have experienced trauma, therapy is an absolute necessity. But you can also question yourself. Remember the prompt I mentioned earlier? “I’ve been telling myself (blank), but the truth is (blank).” What stories have you been telling yourself? Ask yourself what falsehoods you’ve been telling yourself, and then ask what you can learn from that. How can you grow out of this situation?

And don’t be afraid to take baby steps. It’s okay if you’re not ready to totally recover from past trauma, stop caring what others think of you, and become a completely confident person all at once! Instead, Rachel suggests, make a commitment to yourself and keep it for five days. Make it something really easy. You might say, “I’m going to take a shower every day for five days.” And then do it. Then, make another small commitment to yourself and keep it for five more days. Each time you keep your promises to yourself, you grow your self-integrity and become a more confident person.

You can do this, one step at a time.

Be Willing To Ask Yourself the Hard Questions

Guys, this has genuinely been one of the most powerful conversations I’ve had on this podcast. Rachel Luna is such a wise and inspiring woman, and I hope her advice and insight have been helpful to you today. If I could leave you with one last thought from her, it’s this:

“A lot of people talk about self-love as like [getting] a manicure and a massage. Those things are great. I love all of the pampering, but to me, that’s … the superficial self-love. Self-love is having an intimate relationship with yourself where you can ask yourself the hard questions.” – Rachel Luna

That’s what all this journaling is about, guys, and that’s the answer to the question of how we can build confidence in our lives. Are you willing to ask yourself the hard questions, get to the root of your fears, problems, and obstacles? Are you ready to grow in confidence, script your own future, and live the beautiful life you were meant to live?

If you’re thinking, “Yes! I’m willing! I’m ready!” remember that Rachel’s year-long faith-based journaling program, Faith Activated is an excellent way to get into journaling and learn how the process and practice of journaling can truly change your life!

Remember, too, that if you’d like some extra support, a little more coaching, and accountability, I want you to get on the waitlist for our next 12 Weeks of Transformation! In this program, I work with people in a much more personal and structured way to create change. We tackle our excuses head-on and find the core values that will motivate you to take action. If you’re not sure what to do next, I encourage you to check out 12 Weeks to Transformation and get on that waitlist! 

I’d also love to connect with you via text! I send out text messages with my daily mindset upgrades and daily encouragement that we could all use during these uncertain times of COVID-19. 

Thanks, everyone. I’ll talk to you next time!

Elizabeth Benton

790: #1 Tip for Less Stress

Jul 23, 2020 | Podcast

Hi, friends! It’s Elizabeth here, and I am so excited to share Episode 790 of Primal Potential with you today! Primal Potential is a podcast all about you — your ability to change is not defined by yesterday and doesn’t need to wait until tomorrow. Your transformation is now, no matter what stage you find yourself in life!

We all have a lot of stress in our lives! Especially these days, when we’re still dealing with a global pandemic and a lot of uncertainty in general, it can be so challenging to manage our stress levels and keep being productive.

But I have one tip to help you get rid of stress and experience more peace in your life.

My 12 Weeks to Transformation clients know what this is because I talk to them about it all the time. And I’ll admit, I’m very early in applying this practice myself. But I’m telling you — it works.

I want you to know that a significant amount of your stress comes because you are putting yourself at the center of the story. But the truth is, you’re not at the center. You are not the center of the story — it just feels like you are because your individual perspective is the only one readily available to you.

But if you mentally remove yourself from the center of the story and realize that there are other perspectives that are just as valid as yours, I guarantee you’ll be happier. You’ll have more peace. Your relationships will get better. You’ll become a better spouse/parent/friend/sibling/employee/person.

I truly believe that this one mindset shift will genuinely help you achieve less stress and more peace in your life, and who doesn’t want that? So let’s dive in and explore this idea a little further…

What Do I Mean by “Story?”

Before I go any further, I want to clarify something — when I talk about your “story,” I don’t mean that you made anything up. I’m not referring to a fictional story that you’ve imagined for yourself. And I definitely don’t mean that you’re lying!

What I mean is this: our brains are continually processing a ton of information, and to make things easier, our brains gather all of that information into a story.

Let me walk you through an example. As I work on this episode, I’m sitting in my office. I have a couple of notes on my desk in front of me. I have my recording software going, and I can see the time spinning by on the little ticker. I have construction crew members going in and out of my house. I can see the trees blowing and my dog and a bunny out in the yard. I’m thinking, “I really hope the dog doesn’t go after the bunny.” 

And as I’m looking around and listening and noticing all these things, my brain is processing them all as a story. My mind is linking all these things together, understanding the causes and effects of everything going on, and creating a narrative.

And our brains do this all the time — it’s just how we operate! It’s not good or bad; it’s human. It’s just for the sake of efficiency.

But we humans, we tend to put ourselves at the center of that story by default. It makes sense — your perspective is the only one available to you all the time. To understand someone else’s perspective, you either have to ask them, assume, or make it up altogether. But your perspective is available to you all the time.

The Problem: We Put Ourselves at the Center

Here’s the problem: we tend to put ourselves at the center of that story. And when we put ourselves at the center of the story, we forget that other people have their own perspectives.

Say, for example, you get an email at work. Maybe that email comes through, and you read it, and the tone seems harsh or aggressive or short-tempered or impolite.

When you read that email, it just rubs you the wrong way. Why is that? Is it because your coworker was rude? Maybe, but I want to suggest that it’s creating stress and frustration for you because you put yourself at the center of the story.

When you’re at the center of the story, you get frustrated because obviously this other person should have treated you more kindly, right? They should have used a nicer tone and been more respectful to you.

But here’s the thing: You’re not at the center of the story. You’re just a part of the story. And the fact is, your coworker probably thinks they’re at the center of the story the same way you do.

So while it’s easy to get frustrated and think, “Well, that person should have been more polite,” it’s important to realize that that person has their own perspective. Maybe they just received a different frustrating email, and they came across as annoyed with you without meaning to. Maybe they just wrote the email in a hurry, and so the tone sounded off. Regardless, there are many reasons why that email might have sounded rude or too harsh that have nothing to do with you.

The Solution: Take Yourself out of the Center

Here’s the point: when you get a rude email from a coworker, you have two choices:

You can believe you are the center of the story, assume your coworker meant to be rude to you, and spend your time feeling annoyed and angry. 

OR

You can take yourself out of the center of the story, realize your coworker has their own perspective and reasons for sounding frustrated that may have nothing to do with you, and move on with your day.

I know which one I’d rather choose!

By putting yourself at the center of the story, you assume that you are the center of everybody else’s story too. If you’re at the center of your coworker’s story, and they’re supposed to be aware that everything they do should revolve around you and your feelings, the only conclusion is that they intended to be rude to you. So you sit and wallow in that frustration and resentment toward that person, and you experience a lot of stress!

But if you take yourself out of the center of the story, you realize that there could be a million reasons your coworker sounded tense or harsh that have nothing at all to do with you. You realize that that person has their own perspective, and you get to move on with your day without experiencing any more stress. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Do You Feel Good or Bad?

Some of you may be thinking, “But Elizabeth, sometimes I have to put myself at the center of my story. I need to make sure I’m taking care of myself!”

That’s very true! It’s essential to take excellent care of yourself so you can remain healthy and happy. And sometimes, that means you need to prioritize yourself and make sure your needs are met first. That’s not a bad thing! It’s just a fact.

So how can you tell when you need to keep yourself at the center of the story and when you need to take yourself out? It’s simple: ask yourself, “Does this make me feel good or bad?”

In moments of self-care, keeping yourself right at the center of the story feels good. It reduces your stress because you’re focusing on your needs and practicing self-care. You feel happier, less stressed, and more peaceful.

But in other situations, keeping yourself at the center of the story actually creates stress. You experience all kinds of negative emotions that aren’t necessary because you’re not acknowledging that someone else has their own perspective.

Here’s a real-life example:

The Dirty Dishes Are Not About Me

My husband, Chris, and I have an agreement: I cook dinner, and he washes the dishes. That’s why I go to bed before he does most nights! But sometimes, he forgets to do the dishes. It happened just this morning — I was on my way out the door to take a walk, and I noticed that all the dirty dishes were still sitting on the stove.

My blood started to boil! I couldn’t believe that he didn’t do the dishes. After all, I worked a full day yesterday and then cooked our dinner. I’d held up my end of our agreement!

I was so frustrated with Chris for being so inconsiderate of me and all the hard work I’d done — and then I realized I was putting myself at the center of the story. I was assuming that Chris’ actions were totally revolving around me and my story. I was getting worked up thinking that he was being inconsiderate of me and that he should have thought more about me and my feelings before he went to bed last night.

But the truth is: Chris just forgot. He wasn’t deliberately trying to be rude to me. He was just in his own perspective. It wasn’t about me at all — it was just an honest mistake. He watched a couple of movies and went to bed and honestly forgot to wash the dishes.

When I took myself out of the center of the story, I stopped feeling angry. I stopped feeling resentment toward my husband for his mistake, and I moved on with my day feeling a lot more peaceful and a lot less stressed.

Those dirty dishes weren’t about me! They were just a simple mistake. When I took myself out of the center of the story and realized that, I felt a whole lot better.

You Are Not at the Center of the Story

Earlier today, I could have chosen to stay frustrated at Chris, but that would have created a lot more stress for me and tension in my marriage. So instead, I chose to take myself out of the center of the story, realize that Chris made a mistake, and move on with my day. I felt so much less stress and more peace — and that felt good!

Next time you’re faced with a challenging or stressful situation, ask yourself — does it make me feel good to keep myself at the center of this situation?

If it does — that’s fine! This is just an opportunity for some self-care, and you should always take good care of yourself!

But if it doesn’t feel good — if it’s creating stress and frustration for you — realize that you are not the center of the story. Remember that other people have their own perspectives, and their actions don’t always revolve around you. I guarantee you’ll feel less stress and more peace in your life.

And remember — I’m still learning how to do this too! We’re in this together. But I know that this simple mindset shift can help us all experience less stress in our lives, which we all need!

If you’d like to partner with me on a more personal level — if you’d like some extra support, a little more coaching, and accountability — I want you to get on the waitlist for our next 12 Weeks of Transformation! In this program, I work with people in a much more personal and structured way to create change. We tackle our excuses head-on and find the core values that will motivate you to take action. If you’re not sure what to do next, I encourage you to check out 12 Weeks to Transformation and get on that waitlist! 

I’d also love to connect with you via text! I send out text messages with my daily mindset upgrades and daily encouragement. I know they will encourage you and empower you on your journey!

Thanks, everyone! I’m so glad you chose to join me today. Now take yourself out of the center of the story and start experiencing less stress and more peace!

Elizabeth Benton

786: If There Was a Shortcut, It Would Be This

Jul 13, 2020 | Podcast

Hi, friends! It’s Elizabeth here, and I am so excited to share Episode 786 of Primal Potential with you today! Primal Potential is a podcast all about you — your ability to change is not defined by yesterday and doesn’t need to wait until tomorrow. Your transformation is now, no matter what stage you find yourself in life!

I’ve learned something interesting about the personal development space. I often meet people — sometimes they’re clients, sometimes they’re other coaches — who feel like they always have to be learning more. And I’ve been guilty of this myself! Those of us who have that drive to grow and improve ourselves are always listening to the most podcasts, attending the most webinars, and reading the most books.

Does that sound like you? No shame if it does! It’s great to try to learn more and more, and in our current technological age, it’s easier than ever to get access to a wealth of information. Sometimes, we even start to feel like we’re wasting time if we’re not learning something new right now at this moment.

But here’s the thing: if you don’t actually implement what you learn, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

I shared an email with my VIP list just a few weeks ago (by the way, if you’d like to be added to that list, you can message me on Instagram, @elizabethbenton, and I’ll happily add you!) that I love to read. And I’ve read so many books, but it’s disheartening to think about how little of what I’ve actually read I’ve implemented in my life.

This year, instead of reading as many books as I can, I’ve decided to pick just four books to focus on throughout the year and consistently implement their tools and strategies throughout my life. I think it’s much better to learn a little and consistently apply it than to learn a lot and not use what you learned!

Here’s what all this is leading up to: this episode is going to be one of maybe two or three that I want you to focus on. You don’t need to keep gathering resources and information to transform your life. You need to learn just a few key ideas and then implement them.

The tool I share with you in this episode is one of those few key ideas you must learn!

So dive in with me as I share the closest thing there is to a shortcut that will help you change your life and live abundantly today. Let’s go!

Here It Is: The Shortcut

I recently received a question for a Q&A episode that I thought was hysterical but also has a really good answer. This person wrote in and said, “I know there’s not a shortcut, but if there was a shortcut, what would it be?”

If there were a shortcut — if there were one tool that could make everything easier — it would be this:

Never, ever, EVER stop.

I have a few specific people in my life who have stopped working toward their goals, and it makes me sad because I know if they had used this tool and refused to stop, they would be in a dramatically different place right now. For example, I have a dear friend who is going through significant financial struggles right now. She has shared with me that she struggles with financial worries several times throughout the day, and sometimes even spends whole days just consumed with worry about her money.

But the reason she continues to struggle with her finances is that she stopped trying to deal with them. She gave up. She stopped trying to get out of debt, and so she still has major financial concerns right now even though she could have gotten out of debt if she had just refused to quit.

It’s a little sad to see that. I hate to see people struggling and feeling discouraged because they stopped working toward whatever goals they have.

But there is good news: You can always start again.

You can decide at any moment to take control and start working toward your goals again. I’m sad to see my friend struggling with her money, but I have hope because she can always stop stopping and pick back up with her effort to try and get out of debt.

Have you stopped working toward any goals in your life? What have you stopped doing? I’m not asking that to shame you or anything, but I want you to think about it. What were you working on in the past that you gave up on, for whatever reason?

Today can be the day you decide to start working again.

Consistency Is Key

It sounds like a cliché, but it’s true — consistency really is key.

No matter what you’re working toward, the only way you’re going to get there is by consistently refusing to stop. It’s not about having any special skills. It’s not about being smarter, wealthier, faster, or better than anybody else. It’s about being persistent even when you want to give up.

Growing up, I often compared myself to my sister. She was an academic and athletic superstar. Her grades were fabulous, and she was the captain of the team for every sport she played. She won all the trophies and got all the awards for being the best of the best.

But me? I was average. My grades were okay. I wasn’t particularly athletic. I was just mediocre across the board — not terrible, but not great either.

And honestly, I would say that’s still true. I don’t have a unique skill set. I have some experience in my job now because I’ve been doing it for several years, but I wouldn’t say I’m naturally gifted at it. I am successful today not because of any particular attribute or skill that I possess, but because I do not quit.

I never give up. I never stop. I refuse to quit. I have worked on Primal Potential seven days a week every week for the last six years because it’s my passion, and I’m not about to stop putting my all into it! And I’m not telling you that you have to work every single day of the week — even I will only work part of the day on Sundays or holidays. It’s okay to cut yourself some slack. It’s just not okay to give up.

And I want you to know that I’ve had setbacks. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve experienced fear and major loss — particularly as I’ve built Primal Potential — but I’ve never stopped. I have never stopped.

Now, does that mean we have to be perfect? Nope. Of course not! I don’t believe that perfection exists, anyway. I think perfection is misery-making because it’s not real, and you’ll never reach it.

But never quitting is not perfection. Never quitting is realistic. Refusing to stop striving and moving forward even in the face of fear, frustration, discouragement, and any setback life can throw at you is something you can do and do consistently.

Ask Better Questions

“Okay,” you may be thinking, “that’s fine, but … how?” Here’s how:

Ask better questions.

Let me explain. Asking better questions is part of how you can think differently and think better. It helps you look for different perspectives and upgrade your mindset.

Say, for example, you’re looking for a shortcut to financial freedom. First of all — don’t stop. Never give up trying to manage your money and get out of debt.

Second of all — start asking questions. Ask yourself where you can cut expenses. Call your cell phone provider and ask how you can reduce your bill. There is nothing wrong with calling, say, Sprint, and saying, “Hey, I really can’t spend more than (X amount) on my cell phone plan, and I want to reduce my bill by $15 a month. What can we do about that? Do you have any promotions? Are there any services I can drop or bundle to get a discount?”

If you can and have that conversation with your cell phone provider, your cable company, and your insurance agent, before you know it, you’ll be saving a couple of hundred dollars a month! And all because you didn’t stop and you started asking better questions.

Let’s walk through another example. Say you want to be healthier and reduce your overall level of stress. First — you know what I’m going to say — don’t stop!

Second — start asking questions. What habits have you adopted that are reducing your stress? What habits do you need to adopt? Go even deeper — what are the things you stress about most? Why do you stress about them?

Are you stressed about getting enough sleep? Okay, well, what could you do about that? Maybe you need to be a better steward of your time throughout the day, so you aren’t catching up on work late. Maybe you need to watch less TV in the evenings. Maybe you need to set an alarm that tells you to start getting the kids ready for bed thirty minutes earlier than usual.

You’ll discover what changes you need to make when you start asking yourself better questions. And when you figure out what you need to do — what changes you need to make or habits you need to adopt — do it. And do it consistently. Refuse to stop, and you will start seeing progress!

Say It: I Don’t Give Up

I want you to say it out loud: I don’t give up.

When you refuse to give up, when you continuously choose not to stop, when you don’t quit even when it’s difficult — that’s when you start to see real results. Whether you’re working on your marriage, weight, stress level, parenting skills, job, business, or anything else, do not give up.

Adopt the words, “I don’t give up” as a sacred mantra, and repeat them a million times a day! Refusing to give up is the best shortcut to results, and you are choosing not to stop and instead to continue striving toward your goals!

If you’d like some extra support, a little more coaching, and accountability, I want you to get on the waitlist for our next 12 Weeks of Transformation! In this program, I work with people in a much more personal and structured way to create change. We tackle our excuses head-on and find the core values that will motivate you to take action. If you’re not sure what to do next, I encourage you to check out 12 Weeks to Transformation and get on that waitlist!

I’d also love to connect with you via text! I send out text messages with my daily mindset upgrades and daily encouragement. I know they will encourage you and empower you on your journey!

Thanks, everyone! I’m so glad you chose to join me today. Now get out there and use your time to create the life you want to live!

Elizabeth Benton

784: The Fear Behind Your Excuses with Megan Everett

Jul 9, 2020 | Podcast

Hi, friends! It’s Elizabeth here, and I am so excited to share Episode 784 of Primal Potential with you today! Primal Potential is a podcast all about you — your ability to change is not defined by yesterday and doesn’t need to wait until tomorrow. Your transformation is now, no matter what stage you find yourself in life!

Have you kept yourself from accomplishing what you want because you told yourself that you couldn’t do it? Have you internally resigned yourself to “I can’t follow my dreams” or “I can’t go on that hike even though I want to”? My guest today, Megan Everett, knows all about falling into the trap of limiting beliefs. She struggled with letting her fears keep her from doing what she wanted to accomplish until she shifted her mindset from those fears and took “can’t” out of her vocabulary. 

Today, I am incredibly excited to share my conversation with Megan. Her journey very much parallels my own, and I am sure that it will help you push yourself past your excuses to accomplish your goals. Her story and advice will inspire you to bring awareness to your fears so that you can overcome them and transform your life!

Who Is Megan Everett?

Megan is the founder and CEO of the tech company Perfrm. Megan’s bravery and boldness drove her to become a significant contender in the male-dominated Software-as-a-Service industry.  

Before starting her own business, she struggled with unhappiness and obesity while working for a software company in San Francisco. After undergoing a painful breakup, she changed her life by starting her own company and losing 80 pounds in a single year. 

“I went from … [a] miserable employee and very unhealthy to a single woman, running a tech company that’s now funded, and on my health journey still. And it’s taken a lot of different things, and mostly it’s all been a mindset change.” – Megan Everett 

Megan completely changed her life by shifting her mindset. She started being honest with herself about the fears holding her back and worked through those fears. She didn’t let her insecurities stop her from accomplishing what she wanted. She evaluated her goals through the question, “If I thought I could, would I?” Then she developed the mindset of facing her fears and accomplishing her goals. 

Taking “Can’t” out of Your Vocabulary

A foundational part of Megan’s journey was removing the word “can’t” from her vocabulary. 

“I actually donate a thousand dollars to a nonprofit if I say it, so that’s how strongly I needed to stop saying it … For me, everything was, “I can’t,” and I would stop there … it always was fear-based. ‘I can’t go to that workout class … I can’t go on a hike … with my sister’.” – Megan Everett

Megan let the word “can’t” stop her from doing what she wanted to do. Behind this “can’t” was fear of judgment and failure:

“I’m scared that this person will think this of me. I’m scared that I won’t be able to finish it … I find [that] with every time somebody says, ‘I can’t’… there’s a massive fear underlining there.” – Megan Everett

Megan is entirely right, friends! That unhelpful word that we say to ourselves is a hindrance resulting from our fears. How often have you found yourself not starting something because you told yourself that you “can’t do it.” We need to overcome these limiting beliefs and realize that we can do what we want to accomplish! You can reach your goals! 

Megan changed her life by replacing “can’t” with “can.” She eventually overcame the fears that prevented her from acting in her life. 

“… I started first just replacing “I can’t” with “I can,” … but didn’t actually take any action or fix it because my thought pattern was still, “I can’t”… And when I realized that everything that I thought I couldn’t do came because I was scared, and there was this fear of, ‘I’m scared of what people will think.’ … So vocalizing the scared part and then actually taking action have been how I’ve really changed this mindset.” – Megan Everett

Rather than letting her fears stop her, Megan developed the pattern of vocalizing her fears and insecurities to her friends and overcame them. She started proving herself wrong by taking action and accomplishing what she thought she couldn’t do. 

It’s like having an imaginary monster under your bed. When you look under the bed enough times, you realize that the monster doesn’t exist. It’s the same for our fears and insecurities, friends! When you take action despite your fears, you can develop confidence in what you’re doing because you realize that your insecurities weren’t rational. If you avoid going to the gym for fear of judgment, you’ll never reach your fitness goals, but if you force yourself to go enough times, then you’ll realize that your insecurities were unfounded, and you overcome the fear of judgment that was hindering you. 

Determine What You Want to Do

Megan observed the importance of figuring out what you want to do despite whether or not you think you can do it. Megan uses the simple question, “If I thought I could, would I?”. This question determines our direction in overcoming our insecurities and distinguishes what you want to overcome from what you don’t. 

“We all do things we don’t want to … but with your free time and your recreational time, don’t do things you don’t like … and don’t force yourself into them. … Especially if we’re coming from a place of the insecurity being body-based, which there is so much for women … It’s really, really important to know what you want and what you actually want to try … because I don’t think it’s worth being in a room that you don’t want to be in just to overcome an insecurity because it’s actually going to have an adverse effect on you.” – Megan Everett

Don’t force yourself to do things that you don’t want to do, friends! Don’t push yourself to climb a mountain if you only want to prove that you can do it. For example, if you have no desire to skydive, don’t do it to prove to yourself that you can get over your fear of heights. Push yourself to do the things that you want to do and the things that will improve your life!

Becoming a Healthier Version of Yourself While Also Loving Yourself

There’s a common myth in our society that if you’re working on yourself physically, you’re not engaging in self-love and body positivity. This is entirely false, friends! You work on yourself because you love yourself and your body.

Often when Megan posts about weight-loss or fitness on her Instagram, she’ll receive messages from people berating her because they think that her working on herself implies that she doesn’t love her own body. 

“It’s always, ‘Your telling women they shouldn’t love themselves the way they are’ … but you can do both … And we think that if there’s someone who’s overweight in a gym or working on themselves, that they disliked themselves.” – Megan Everett

People often think that losing weight is somehow connected to a person feeling negatively about themselves, but this is a huge misconception. We need to love ourselves and our bodies regardless of our weight, and this love needs to be the driving force behind our desire to become healthier. Megan described how becoming a healthier version of herself had everything to do with loving herself and her body.

“… what if we did this because we do love ourselves. … And I want to like have this body for years and years. And when I have children, I want to be able to play with that. And I want to go on these hikes with my sister. And I just want to be a healthier version of myself, but I do it because I love myself. Not because I hate something about myself.” – Megan Everett

Megan has such a great perspective on this, friends! We become healthier because we love ourselves. If we engage in self-loathing, we’ll always find something to hate about ourselves — regardless of our weight, appearance, or bank account. Hating yourself will never lead you on a sustainable path to change. Loving yourself needs to be the primary motivator for the changes that you make. 

Bringing Awareness and Acknowledging Your Fears 

We finished our exceptional conversation by discussing how listeners can overcome falling back on the word “can’t” and the underlying fear that comes with it. The first step to moving past your fears is bringing awareness — whether it be through utilizing a support system or through journaling. 

If you have people supporting you, have them help you get past your insecurities and fears. Tell them about when you say that you “can’t” do something so that they hold you accountable. If you want to start doing hot yoga but feel that you can’t do it, have a friend go with you. That way, you’re training yourself to overcome your fears and insecurities by forcing yourself to do what you thought you couldn’t do. 

She also described how to overcome fear through journaling. She instructed listeners to set a five-minute timer and record all the reasons why they feel that they can’t do something. After they’ve finished writing their reasons, they need to ask themselves, “If I thought I could, would I?” 

“This question is so powerful because then you know if you want to, and then from there, you can say, ‘I want to do this. This is what I’m afraid of. How do I get over this fear?’ And it may be going to a yoga class alone. It may be going to Toastmasters … It’s these things like you have to start doing what you’re afraid of, but you can’t do that until you acknowledge that you’re afraid of it.” – Megan Everett 

Friends, the first step in overcoming your fears, insecurities, and the hindering word “can’t” is bringing awareness to what’s holding you back. Face your fears head-on so that you realize that you are fully capable of accomplishing what you want! 

You can connect with Megan Everett via social media through her Instagram (@megseverett). She answers every direct message personally! 

I also encourage you to get on the waitlist for our next 12 Weeks of Transformation! If you need additional guidance in overcoming your fears and taking action, this course is for you! The program consists of a more personal and structured approach to beat daily obstacles and realize your full potential! If you think this may be right for you, don’t hesitate to check out the 12 Weeks of Transformation.

During these trying times, I also recommend that you sign up for our daily mindset upgrades. I send out daily texts of encouragement to help you overcome what’s holding you back from growing!

If you want to connect on social media, follow me on Instagram (@Elizabethbenton) and Facebook (@Primalpotentialpodcast)!

Friends, I hope this episode inspires you to ask yourself what fears and insecurities are holding you back from what you want. You are entirely capable of overcoming what’s hindering you, so ask yourself what you want and go for it!

Elizabeth Benton