May 15, 2019 | Blog
The following is adapted from Chasing Cupcakes.
When it comes to creating change in your life, focus makes all the difference.
When you focus on the right things, change becomes easier. When you focus on the wrong things, it can feel like every day is an uphill climb.
It’s important to note here that I’m not talking about what you’re trying to change. If you want to improve your life by focusing on your health before you tackle your finances, more power to you. Whatever fire has gotten the biggest, deal with it first.
When it comes to focus, what matters is how you go about making change happen. That’s where the wrong focus can slow or completely stop your progress.
I learned this lesson from the book The 4 Disciplines of Execution by authors Chris McChesney and Sean Covey. In it, Chris and Sean use the concepts of lag and lead measures to help problem solvers figure out where to focus their efforts.
Let’s dig into these concepts to see how they can help you create lasting change.
A Focus on Lag Measures Doesn’t Work
Let’s start with lag measures. These are your outcomes: weight loss, less debt, more money in savings, or running a six-minute mile. In business, a lag measure might include hitting a revenue target or sales quota. Lag measures are the endpoint, and when pursuing goals, most people focus their efforts on those endpoints.
McChesney and Covey make a case for why focusing on lag measures, or endpoints, is a mistake. Instead, they explain why you should focus on lead measures.
Lead measures are the actions that predict and influence the endpoint. If the lag measure (endpoint) is weight loss, lead measures might include journaling, eating more vegetables, reducing processed foods, or creating new beliefs around food.
Lead measures are factors that are completely within your control. On the flip side, you have far less control over the endpoint than you do the factors that influence it.
Let’s consider an example. A real estate agent might set a goal to sell more homes. Selling more homes is her lag measure; it’s an endpoint.
Lead measures, actions, and behaviors that both predict and influence the goal might include things like calling more prospective clients, showing more homes to each buyer, or reaching out to people who have listed their home for sale by owner.
When an agent focuses on lead measures, which predict and influence their end goal, they create more progress than if they broadly focus on trying to sell more homes.
Your Thoughts are the Ultimate Lead Measure
Since you can’t influence the outcome, your energy should be invested in the attitudes and behaviors that predict and influence the goal you’re trying to reach.
If your goal is weight loss, you can only control your choices and behaviors, like what you eat, how much you eat, and eliminating the excuses that get in the way.
In other words, control the controllables and let the outcome come to you.
That said, it’s important to note that not all the factors that predict and influence your success are created equal. Some have a dramatic impact, while others have none.
No matter what you’re trying to do, there is one lead measure that will always produce a dramatic result. It will keep you out of the ditch when you hit a dump in the road.
The ultimate lead measure is your thoughts. Optimizing your thoughts—how and what you think—is the lead measure with the highest return on investment.
You might think this sounds woo-woo and hippy-dippy, but it’s not. Optimizing your thoughts is practical and effective because how you think drives how you act.
A Perfect Time to Change Your Thoughts
Here’s an example of changing your thoughts that’s relatable for everyone.
You’ve finished dinner. You aren’t hungry but you just want a little something.
Dark chocolate with a spoonful of almond butter is totally better than cookies or ice cream. And, come on, it’s so small, is it really going to make a difference?
Plus, you’ve been pretty good all day. You’ll just finish off those dark chocolate squares. In fact, eating them tonight means they won’t be here to tempt you tomorrow!
Via your thoughts, you’ve talked yourself into dessert. You’ve effectively convinced yourself. You made a case for it; you negotiated for it and came to the decision by way of your thoughts. Like I said: your thoughts drive your choices.
Different thoughts in the same situation can lead to a completely different choice. Consider this alternate way of thinking about the after-dinner dilemma:
Dark chocolate would be so good, but I’m not hungry right now. Food always tastes better when I’m hungry, and I’m sure that moment will come soon. I’ll wait until then.
If you were to engage in that line of thinking after dinner, you probably won’t eat dessert because you won’t be hungry again before bed. Crisis averted.
Combine Your Thoughts with Other Lead Measures
Focusing on lead measures sets you up for success, and the ultimate lead measure is your thoughts. Begin there, and to boost your chances even further, layer in some other practices and behaviors that push you closer and closer to your goal.
The good news is that, since you started with your thoughts, you’ll be more likely to continue those behaviors even when it would be easier to stop doing them.
For more advice on finding the right focus, you can find Chasing Cupcakes on Amazon.
May 7, 2019 | Blog
The following is adapted from Chasing Cupcakes
You’re stuck on a problem you can’t seem to solve. You bang your head against the wall, coming up with solution after solution and trying desperately to figure out what’s holding you back.
But what’s keeping you stuck almost certainly isn’t the problem itself—it’s your approach to solving it. Instead of focusing on the solution, you’re defending your behavior or making a case for the validity of your problem. Your top priority is being right, not getting it right.
No judgment here. I’ve done this. In fact, we all have.
The right questions can set you free from this trap, by making clear the steps between you and your solution, clearing out any emotional filters at play, and illuminating incorrect assumptions holding you back.
If your questions don’t lead you to improved action, you aren’t asking the right questions.
To help you with this, I’ll share a story from my life that demonstrates the power of better questions, then offer a couple powerful strategies for finding the right answers.
How the Right Questions Helped My Sister
A couple years ago, while I was preparing for ASCEND, a Primal Potential weekend workshop, I invited my mom and sister out to dinner. I wanted to try out an activity in advance of the event and they were about to be my guinea pigs.
I explained that I wanted to do a workshop at ASCEND where participants could only communicate via questions. No statements or explanations, just questions.
At dinner, I asked my mom and sister if one of them would be willing to share a problem, in the form of a question, to kick off our little dinnertime experiment.
Debi, my sister, asked, “How do I balance getting out of debt and enjoying my life?”
To be honest, her question floored me. Years earlier, we’d agreed to stop talking to each other about money. Given our different approaches to finances (I’m a saver, she’s a spender), those conversations never ended well, so we’d cut them off.
After a few initial questions, we cut right to the heart it: her spending habits.
“Can you spend less money?” I asked.
Debi paused for a moment, then replied, “What if I don’t want to spend less money?”
I admired her honesty and used my next round of questions to further explore that.
“Are you really enjoying your life with the financial stress you have right now? Is this the way you want things to be? It seems like you don’t want to spend less because you associate spending more with enjoying your life more? But are you enjoying life right now? Is it possible that spending less would actually allow you to enjoy life more?”
She sat quietly. She was considering, open-mindedly this time, that maybe spending less would allow her to actually enjoy life more, not the other way around. There was something more true than the story she had been clinging to about her spending.
Since that conversation, Debi’s finances have transformed. The discipline she now brings to her financial choices has allowed her to enjoy life more, not less, because she’s gradually eliminating one of her biggest stressors: money problems.
Pause Often to Ask Yourself Questions
That short exercise with Debi was a starting point—it represented a shift in the way she was willing to think about money and her ability to create change.
The questions themselves didn’t create results for Debi and they won’t for you, either. But they did open a door that Debi then had the discipline to walk through.
To fully unlock the power of great questions, you need to get into the habit of asking them regularly. You can probably think of moments from this past week when you would have benefitted from slowing down and asking yourself the right questions.
Maybe you got worked up after a tense staff meeting, or said some things you regret after a breakup. Perhaps you gave into temptation and splurged on junk food.
Next time you confront these moments, what if you took three minutes to ask yourself questions, or called someone who was willing to ask questions of you?
You might be saying: “What should I ask myself, or have someone else ask me?”
That’s a good question! Here are a few thought-provoking ones to start with:
What’s a choice I can make right now that would leave me feeling great tomorrow?
Have I already made up my mind on this issue? If so, what led me to that point?
What actually happened? How do I feel about what happened? What’s the difference?
What to Do When You Don’t Know the Answer
You’ll get better at coming up with the right questions the more you practice asking them, but what do you do when you don’t know the answer to your question?
In my experience, we often dismiss questions by saying “I don’t know” or “I’m confused” to avoid taking ownership of our role in a solution and delay doing work.
To be honest, those responses are cop-outs.
You don’t have to know the answer, but you are capable of finding it.
“I don’t know” might mean “I need to take some action or do some work to get clearer on an answer or solution.” If that’s the case, ask yourself, “How can I find the answer?” or “What might be the answer? What are some options?”
Knowledge is not a prerequisite for action. Knowledge is an end result of action.
If you aren’t sure of an answer, take action. Do something. You’ll learn from what you try. Stop holding yourself back from action because you’re waiting for answers. Create the answers. They are waiting for you on the other side of intelligent action.
Don’t wait to think up a solution. Create it. Travel to it. Your solutions are in your progress and attention. You’ll always learn more from action than from thought.
For more advice on asking better questions, you can find Chasing Cupcakes on Amazon.
Apr 23, 2019 | Blog
I hate feeling overwhelmed. Fortunately, I use a few simple redirects to eliminate overwhelm as soon as I feel it.
Let me share a bit of backstory.
This morning, I got an email from one of my 12 Weeks to Transformation clients.
I feel overwhelmed. I really want to move forward, but then I am easily discouraged. I sometimes just want to give up.
The most powerful words in the world are those that follow “I am…”
They are both descriptive and prescriptive.
If you say, “I am easily discouraged”, that is an instruction to yourself. You are clinging to the and arguing for the pattern you don’t want.
When you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.
So, if you don’t want to be easily discouraged, do not say you are easily discouraged!
Here’s the other piece of it:
When you say that you are easily discouraged, you are taking a past pattern and projecting it onto your present and your future. You are saying that the way things have been is the way they will continue to be.
That’s a decision. You’ve decided that’s the way it will be.
No bueno.
Overwhelm is a direct result of focusing on more than the moment you’re in.
You’re either replaying the past patterns or you’re manufacturing worry about the future, or both.
You are only overwhelmed because of the perspective you’ve chosen.
Fortunately, there are many other perspectives available to you that will reduce or eliminate your overwhelm.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, walk yourself through these steps:
- Am I focused on the problem or am I participating in the solution?
- What am I able to do today (or right now) to create progress or improvement?
- What is happening right now that I can focus on?
Choose to be where your feet are. Choose to not only be in this moment, but to win the moment you’re in.
Remind yourself that overwhelm is a result of focusing on more than the moment you’re in.
Use that feeling as an opportunity to practice coming back to the moment you’re in and making one great choice.
Refuse to sell yourself the story of the problem.
Refuse to limit yourself to the pattern of the past.
Refuse to distract yourself with what lies ahead.
Be where you’re feet are & win the moment you’re in!
Get on the Wait List for the Summer 12 WT!
Apr 20, 2019 | Podcast
You know Vogue’s 73 questions? I’m answering them today! I actually don’t think I answered all 73 but we got most of them plus a bunch of your great ones!
The 73 questions include:
- What did you do for the first 30 minutes of your day?
- What’s a typical lazy day?
- What was the last emoji you used?
- What’s it like living on Cape Cod?
- If it wasn’t Cape Cod, where would it be?
- Who’s career do you admire & respect the most?
- What’s the most overused phrase right now?
- What drives you the most crazy right now?
Listen to today’s episode for the rest! Plus, my answer to listener questions including:
I lack long-term motivation. I am confused why some days I want progression and other days I don’t care. Is my WHY too weak?
How do I stop mindlessly eating?
How can we motivate those we love to lose weight and get healthy?
Resources:
Get on board for the free e-series about mental & emotional spring cleaning! It kicks off Monday May 6th!
The wait list is now open for the Summer 2019 12 Weeks to Transformation!
Join the Primal Potential Facebook group!
Change Maker Part 1: Awareness
You can submit questions and topics for the show here.
Follow Elizabeth on Instagram!
Apr 18, 2019 | Podcast
Are you keeping yourself from big wins in the areas of your goals because you settle for little wins? Are you taking the perspective of “good enough” or “better than before”? You might be holding yourself back in a big way!
I started thinking about this as my Winter 12 WT clients went through their good/better/best challenge and then just a few days later I heard Chris Harder talking about not letting easy money keep you from big money.
In today’s motivational minisode, we’re diving into an honest look at how we hold ourselves back and what we can do to break free from the confines of our comfort zone and small wins.
Resources:
Register for the FREE 7-day Spring Cleaning event!
Hop on the wait list for the Summer 2019 12 Weeks to Transformation
Get your copy of Chasing Cupcakes
Join the Primal Potential Facebook group
Connect with Elizabeth on Instagram
