Jul 12, 2018 | Blog
In the next couple of weeks, I’m going to record a podcast episode about the biggest lessons I’ve learned in 4 years of business, but today, I just want to ramble from my heart, about my morning.
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I am overflowing with gratitude, optimism and peace.
Today is my 35th birthday. It’s also Primal Potential’s 4th anniversary and the 500th episode of the Primal Potential podcast. Last night, I wrapped up the first draft of my first book.
I woke up this morning and walked to the beach. I got to the water around 4:30am. The first light of day had already broke and for a moment, I thought, “I missed it.”
I missed daybreak. I wanted to be on the sand when the first light broke through, but it had already happened. My mind raced forward into tomorrow and I wondered what time I’d have to be on the beach to be there for that moment.
“Be here now“, I told myself.
I walked. I watched. It got increasingly beautiful.
As I walked and jogged, soaking in the sunrise, I thought about my birthday. I thought about how different my life was 4 years ago on the day Primal Potential launched. I was married then, living a very different life in North Carolina.
This isn’t what I thought my life would look like at 35. If you had asked me four years ago, I’d have told you that I’d have kids now. That my book would be released into the world. I would have told you a lot of things that would have been wrong.
I started to wonder what my life will look like at 36 and at 40.
Then, I stopped. I just stopped.
I realized that I was reflecting on my life the way I had reflected on my first impression of the sunrise this morning. I was convincing myself that I had missed something.
But, in doing that, in choosing to look backwards and forwards, I was missing what was right here, right now.
If you’ll be present for it, life, like the sunrise, becomes increasingly more beautiful.
If you convince yourself you’ve missed something or use your energy imagining where you’re be later, you’ll miss what is unfolding in front of you today.
Like today, it’s increasingly beautiful, if you allow yourself to watch it unfold.
Jul 9, 2018 | Blog
Think about your most common thoughts.Think about the things that stress you out, overwhelm you or make you sad or angry.
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In fact, the next time you catch your mind wandering, I want you to ask yourself a question.
What energy is this creating in me?*
Let’s say that you’re driving to work and find yourself replaying, in your mind, a conversation you had with someone that left you frustrated or annoyed.
You’re choosing to think about that interaction and revisit it in your mind.
What energy is it creating in you?
I’ll confess. That example comes from my own life, just the other day. I was driving to the gym when I noticed I was re-living a conversation that had frustrated me. I was thinking through all the things I wanted to say & all the points I wanted to make to this person.
I thought about the energy it was creating in me: frustration, annoyance, anger. Nothing good.
Since I certainly don’t want to feel that way, I switched my attention. I looked at the clear blue skies. I put on a song I love. I thought about the energy I’d bring to my workout.
Just for kicks, I asked myself again, “What energy is this creating in me?”
In a matter of seconds, my energy had changed. I felt peaceful, grateful and in control.
This is a tool we can use not just with our thoughts but also our words and our choices.
When you’re worried about what someone will think of your outfit, what energy does that create in you? When you’re being snarky, dismissive or short-tempered, what energy does that create in you? When you’re having your 3rd glass of wine or turning to the cookies when you aren’t hungry, what energy does that create in you?
What choices, thoughts or words create a lighter, happier energy? What people bring out that energy in you?
You are not your thoughts. You are the thinker. You can redirect your attention in any & every moment to create the feelings you want to experience.
Don’t wish for a peaceful day. Don’t wish for a good mood. Create it.
If your thoughts, actions or words aren’t creating the energy you want for your day or your life, you always have the power to make the change.
Put joy first.
*I got this question from a book I love called How To Communicate Like a Buddhist by Cynthia Kane.
Jul 4, 2018 | Blog
Today is the fourth of July, a day that celebrates freedom & independence. It has always been one of my favorite holidays. Growing up, my whole family would gather at our beach house in southern Maine. We’d grill burgers, husk corn, watch the fireworks over the ocean and walk along the beach after getting ice cream. It was pretty perfect.
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Not surprisingly, I didn’t think too much about freedom or independence. I just enjoyed my family, food, and the beach we grew up on.
As I got older, I began to appreciate freedom more, primarily because I didn’t feel like I had any. Sure, I live in America. That’s an incredible priviledge. But I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I was obese. I had huge dreams and goals but they didn’t feel achieveable. I was making choices that kept me stuck in a place where I didn’t feel free at all.
I felt chained to my past patterns. I felt like food had more control over my life than I did. My habits felt too strong to overcome.
I felt hopeless and powerless.
When I first read the Rumi quote, “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?” I began to realize that this life of struggle wasn’t something that was happening to me, it was something I was creating with my choices.
Slowly, I began to create change. The changes were small and I think that’s what made me feel capable of them. Overtime, those small changes created big results and I gradually began to feel more free and less trapped.
I have a totally new appreciation of freedom.
I am free, in every and any moment, to create change in my life. I am free to grow. I am free to choose joy. I am free to stop complaining. I am free to think positive. I am free to serve myself and others. I am free to move beyond the choices that have bound me to my past.
You have the same freedoms.
You have the same independence.
Choose it. Start small. Never stop. Never settle.
Jul 4, 2018 | Blog
It’s easy to focus on things you want to do. And while it’s easy to list them off, it can quickly become overwhelming. So many good intentions, so little energy to act on them all.
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I’d like to propose a different approach.
As I drove to the gym this morning, I was listening to Cal Fussman interview Tim Ferriss in his June 30th podcast episode.
Tim was talking about his writing philosophy and how he tries to remove words that add to drag.
When you’re writing, extra words, redundant phrases and unnecessary explanations can absolutely bog down a story.
Cutting out what slows things down is not only a great way to approach writing, but also a powerful way to approach life.
In your life, what adds to drag? What slows you down? What slows down your progress? What choices or patterns are keeping you from reaching your goals or living a life you love?
I’ll give a few examples from my own life.
Not getting enough sleep.
Drinking alcohol frequently or in excess.
Sugar & starch
Negativity or complaining
Procrastination
Comparison
Clutter
How about you? Don’t just read these words. Use them. Make a list.
From there, come up with a strategy to remove what adds to drag TODAY.
You don’t have to make a pledge or commitment for the next month. Simply focus on today.
What will you tackle today?
Jul 2, 2018 | Blog
In episode 496 of the podcast I answer a question that was sent to me on Instagram. Someone asked, “How did you get to the point of not telling stories, not binging and becoming consistent?”
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Here’s the thing: I still tell stories. I still make excuses. But, there’s a difference in my response to them now.
I refuse to accept incomplete truths and well-intended lies.
It hasn’t always been that way. In fact, for most of my life, my days were merely a sequence of lies and incomplete truths strung together.
This one thing won’t hurt.
I’ll binge today so it’s out of my system and I’ll be super strict tomorrow.
Well, I’ve already screwed up today so I might as well go all in.
I’ve been so good, I deserve this.
All of those statements, and so many more, are incredibly incomplete truths.
They serve only one purpose: justify what I want in a moment.
Here’s the beautiful thing for all of us: if we can talk ourselves into what we want in any moment, we can also talk ourselves out of it. We just aren’t choosing that side of the equation.
I wouldn’t say “I’ll binge today and get it out of my system” for any reason other than to justify the choice to overeat.
It’s absolutely not true that eating well and taking great care of myself is a valid reason not eat well or not take great care of myself. It is a well-intended lie. It’s not malicious, it’s simply permissive.
Those stories, excuses and lies were deeply engrained. While I haven’t eliminated those thoughts, I’ve completely changed my response to them.
I demand the full truth from myself.
I routinely ask queustions like:
What else is true?
Is this the complete truth?
Am I trying to justify something?
Will I be proud of this later?
If this was someone else’s logic, would I agree with it?
If you find yourself in a pattern of incomplete truths, excuses, exceptions or well-intended lies, carve out some time to listen to episode 496 today.
Jun 25, 2018 | Blog
It’s easy to feel defeated and discouraged by our “problems”. The reason I put the word problems in quotations isn’t to dismiss or diminish your struggles. It’s because I have a different perspective I’d like you to consider.
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Every day, I get emails from people who declare, “My problem is cravings. My problem is alcohol. My problem is snacking. My problem is consistency.”
I mentioned this in episode 494, but I see it differently.
It’s not your problem, it’s your practice.
Let me explain. Oftentimes, I’ll respond to those emails by asking, “What does your practice look like?”
If you’ve told me that your problem is snacking, I’d say, “What does your practice look like?”
Are you practicing the problem? Are you practicing solutions? What does your consistency of implementing the new behavior you desire look like?
If you feel like your problem is snacking after dinner, and you eat every night after dinner, your practice is reinforcing the “problem”. Your practice is the problem. Your practice is also the solution.
You don’t have a snacking problem, you have a snacking practice.
Similarly, whatever our problem is, that is our opportunity to practice the solution.
Instead of the perspective that you have a snacking problem, challenge yourself to embrace a snacking practice, just for today, that reflects what you want.
Maybe that means the kitchen is closed after dinner tonight. Your practice is being done with dinner. That’s the practice.
Tomorrow, wake up and define what your practice will look like for tomorrow.
Jun 21, 2018 | Blog
I refuse to choose my pride over my progress. I won’t choose my feelings over my future. Those things are way easier said than done, but they’re a huge part of success in every relationship & endeavor.
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This is a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes our ego gets in the way of our growth. We would rather stay in our feelings and pout about being wronged then step up, speak up and make things right.
We’d rather be right than get it right.
We want to prove that our circumstances make it hard to make progress, so we submit to them.
We pull away from someone who could help us because our ego was bruised.
When we do that, we hold ourselves back, preventing growth & progress.
The other day, I inquired at my gym about some additional coaching beyond my daily CrossFit classes. I wanted someone who would work with me individually on my weaknesses. One of the coaches, who was listening to my conversation with another coach, made a comment about my journey that hurt my feelings.
Did he intend to hurt my feelings? No, he didn’t.
Could I hear his statement without implying intent or emotion? Absolutely.
For a split second, I wanted to walk out of the gym and say, “Forget it. Thanks anyway. I’ll do it on my own.” For a few hours, I stayed in my feelings. I wouldn’t ever talk to someone that way.
But you know what, my way isn’t everyone’s way. And someone having a different approach doesn’t make them wrong or mean or reflect that they must have ill-intent.
That’s all DRAMA.
Had I stayed in the drama, I would have let my bruised ego get in the way of my growth.
I would have been letting my feelings trump my future.
I am NOT saying that you should be a door mat or let people disrespect you.
But I am saying that you shouldn’t assume someone meant to hurt you simply because their perception doesn’t match yours or their delivery isn’t how you hoped it would be.
Here are a few questions I ask myself to find the drama-free truth in every situation:
- What is the difference between what actually happened and how I feel about what happened?
- What assumptions am I making about the other person’s words or actions?
- Do I know for sure my thoughts are true or are my own feelings and insecurities playing a role here?
- Have I communicated my feelings and interpretations?
- What is my responsibility in this situation?
- What’s the difference between being right and getting it right?
- What would it take for me to get it right?
- How can this situation be an opportunity for me to grow?
- What is the outcome I want?
- Am I being mature and emotionally-sober?
The next time you feel hurt, offended or your ego has been bruised, try these questions on for size!
Jun 18, 2018 | Blog
In episode 490 of the podcast, I talked about the power of enthusiasm and my past struggles with darkness & depresion. I came back to the topics in episode 492, specifically because of two comments I got in response to episode 490.
The listeners reached out to express that depression is not a choice. I agree. Interestingly, I did not say in the episode that depression was a choice. Of course I didn’t, because I don’t believe it to be true. But, I have no control over what others feel I implied. That’s dangerous business, for any of us: thinking we know what someone meant to say.
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So, for the sake of clarity, here is what I believe: we can change.
No matter what we are facing, we have the power to change, heal, improve and grow.
You can be different today. Change is available to you. Today.
You can avoid past patterns, today.
You can find the good in your day today.
You can be happier today.
Sure, there are things in life that can make change harder. We all have those things. Some of them are circumstantial. Some of them are hormonal. Some of them are biochemical. Some historical.
None of them take away our power to choose incremental improvements.
You have the power to eat a little better today, or smile a little more. You have the power to move with more intention or take a pause for gratitude and prayer. You have the power to get to bed earlier or stay off social media. You have the power to ask for help or read a book for support & encouragement.
I refuse to accept that we are powerless because we aren’t.
Jun 12, 2018 | Blog
We might not agree. I might present a thought or idea and you might see things differently.
That doesn’t make me wrong. It doesn’t make you wrong.
We simply see it differently. Can we talk about our differences? Of course! Learn from each other? I hope so! But it doesn’t have to come from the place of “right” and “wrong”. Just, DIFFERENT.
I love to learn. I refuse to fight.
I took myself out to lunch today and the sign over the door said,
Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.
Wouldn’t the world be a better place if instead of trying to make someone else wrong so we can be right we just agreed that it’s okay to feel differently? Speak differently? Act differently?
I love you. I respect your opinions. But, enough.
Enough with the idea that for you to be right, I have to be wrong or for me to be right, you have to be wrong.
Different.
You’re a vegan? Cool! Great for you! You eat all your carbs at breakfast? Awesome! Enjoy them. You’re a calorie or macro counter? Fantastic! Do what works for you. You wouldn’t have brought up that topic I decided to go into? Cool! I respect your choice.
If that’s not okay with you, take your arguing somewhere else.
My life is beautifully short and I choose peace. There are millions of people on the internet who would love to argue with you over right and wrong.
I’m not one of them.
