Jun 11, 2018 | Blog
I really enjoyed Joshua Medcalf’s book Chop Wood, Carry Water. The title refers to one of my favorite Zen sayings: Before enlightment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightment, chop wood, carry water.
For years I’ve adapted that Zen wisdom with my clients and in my own life.
Before success, chop wood, carry water. Do the grunt work. Do the work, period. Hammer the basics.
After success, chop wood, carry water. You don’t ease off, you keep doing the grunt work and hammering the basics.
To create success, your habits, choices and behaviors should look remarkably consistent during and after.
In the book, Medcalf tells a story of a frustrated young student, wishing to become a Samurai archer.
The mentor explains the following…
“First year, you must learn to aim with your eyes. Second year, you must learn to draw your bow smoothly, hold it stable, and aim with your muscles. Third year, you must learn to breathe slowly, control your diaphragm, and aim with your lungs. I have been chopping wood and carrying water for forty-nine years. And while you may only aim with your eyes and your muscles and your lungs right now, I aim with everything.”
Friend, when it comes to creating change, we have a tendency to aim only with our choices. We focus on what we should be doing more or less of. We need to eat more vegetables, less sugar. We need to sleep more, watch TV less. We need to save more, spend less. We are aiming with our choices.
We dramatically accelerate our progress and make change significantly easier when we aim with everything.
Aim with your thoughts.
Aim with your prayers.
Aim with how you spend your time.
Aim with the music you listen to.
Aim with the people you surround yourself with.
Aim with your choices, but also with everything else.
Aim with everything.
Jun 6, 2018 | Blog
This past weekend I took a solo road trip to New York City. On the way there, I listened to a book recommended by a friend: Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/primaldailymotivation/Between_ease_And_Stress.m4a” title=”The Place Between Ease & Stress” background=”#00ccbb” social_email=”true” ]
The book is about living more by living with less. While it wasn’t a book I totally loved, I do agree with lots of the concepts. (In fairness, I think I didn’t love it because I’ve already made so many strides in terms of simplicity. Heck, I built a tiny house and got rid of 50% of my stuff! For that reason, it wasn’t super interesting to me.) I would absolutely recommend it for someone who feels like they have too much: too much debt, too much stuff, too much clutter, too much stress.
She did say one thing that I wanted to be sure to share with you.
The place between ease & stress is called steadiness.
I used to feel like either I was going all out, all in, full-throttle-effort or I was slacking.
I used to feel like either I was committed to eating clean & being disciplined with my food choices OR I was eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
I used to feel like I was either working with unrelenting focus and crazy hours or I was scaling back and coasting.
I think most people live in these extremes. We give ourselves credit when we’re on full blast and we beat ourselves up when we’re not.
Life isn’t that way. It’s just not true. Sure, you can choose to see it that way, but that doesn’t mean it’s the way things are.
The place between ease & stress isn’t slacking.
It’s steady. It’s sustainable. It’s satisfying.
Jun 4, 2018 | Blog
I am all about pseduo-cooking in the summer time. Maybe it’s more appropriately called “assembling”, but sometimes I just want to throw something together that is easy, cool and fat loss friendly.
I totally made that happen the other day with this no-cook lobster avocado tower! (Yes, I agree that “tower” is a little dramatic, but I’m going with it anyway!)
A few months ago, I moved to Cape Cod. If you live on the Upper Cape, you know that the best place to go for a lobster roll is The Raw Bar. Not only are they incredibly generous with the lobster, but they know what most New Englanders know: the lobster is the star! They don’t add a whole bunch of mayo. There’s hardly any! They just keep it really simple and highlight the lobster.
When I go there, I order it “naked” – no bun – and happily eat a big pile of lobster. It’s amazing.
The other day, I didn’t feel much like cooking but I also wanted something more than lobster. I drove out to the The Raw Bar, got a naked lobster roll to go and then picked up a mango, an avocado and a jalapeno. Sounds the beginning of a great night, right? It was.
I chopped up 1/4 of the mango, the entire jalapeno (seeded) and diced the entire avocado. I chopped up the lobster and mixed everything together.
I don’t have a ring mold, so I just packed the blend into a 1-cup measure and tapped it out onto the plate with a simple summer salad of cucumber, tomato, pepper, onion and mozarella (from the grocery store).
Couldn’t be much easier, could it?
Enjoy!
In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.
Jun 1, 2018 | Blog
The other day I got an email from a podcast listener and former client in response to episode 485 on body shame & negative self talk. I’m not going to say much about it – instead, I got the author’s permission to share it with you!
EB,
I loved the recent episode (
485) with Tamar and she has really inspired me. I have been struggling with this
rebrand idea, even before I knew that’s what I was trying to do (probably going on a year now). I think I remember her from a previous episode (having to do with eating holiday cookies), which I remember well, and I liked her honesty and insights on that one too.
I don’t know if Tamar has Fan Mail, but please pass along to her if you can or feel comfortable doing so. 🙂
When she was talking about being mean to herself and saying that no one has been saying or doing some of the things for some time, but she “picked up the gauntlet they threw down” and continued to berate herself, I teared up in the middle of walking the dog, listening to the podcast. I too have carried the same self-directed mean-spiritedness for far too long and need to move on and be as kind to myself as I am to others. It is not good enough for me any more.
I have been trying to reflect on what my *next big goal* is for over a year now and been spinning my wheels. I actually dropped out of the master’s group around the time of reading “The One Thing” because I couldn’t find my one thing. I have read many motivational books and journaled and reached analysis paralysis many times over on this issue with relation to my career and personal growth (midlife crisis? finding meaning with what’s left and what I do with it).
But until I heard Tamar say she was not going to accept being mean to herself anymore, “This is Me”, I am glorious…I didn’t realize why. She said she wrote a letter to herself and “Fat Tamar” said ‘why are you so mean to me?’ She also mentioned something like “I am ferocious about being kind to people” because she has been put down and knows how it feels. In that moment I realized this is why I have not been able to unslump myself, because I am way to mean to myself. I have always been very hard on myself and driven, but in recent years, I have hit a momentary loss of direction.
I am always chasing the next thing, rather than celebrating something I accomplished, like I am not worthy of it. Now seeing my daughter be hard on herself and belittle her own accomplishments, made it really hit home.
For several years after my kids were born, I assumed losing weight would make me happier. It didn’t. I lost it all and then some, but the pounds have nothing to do with it. I thought being fitter would make me happier. It didn’t, it was never enough. I do enjoy exercise and physical challenges, but it is more for the way I can push my self and feel healthier and stronger. But the key, as Tamar was mentioning this is the real issue, not the dietary and physical challenges, those were easy. The mental roadblocks and self-talk are the Big Rocks, as you said, there would always “be a darkness in you that hurts” until you start being nicer to yourself.
When you told Tamar “Your unhappiness comes from you” and “you are not kind to yourself” and “you wouldn’t hold yourself to those same standards… You are robbing joy from yourself by choosing to be a dick to yourself.” It was like I was right there in the conversation, because that to, was me. I was a total dick to myself on the regular. In fact, I may have not ever strung together a week of being nice to myself since I was maybe 5?
So pondering my rebrand as an exercise for several weeks now and where and how I want to be, I was inspired by this and by Tamar and the previous caller who was Proudly Disciplined. I was thinking about how I am with others and how proud I am of them and I always let them know what a great job they are doing, that ferocity Tamar mentioned and BOOM it came to me:
I am Fiercely Proud & Proudly Fierce!
That is the person I want to be. That is the person I am for other people and who I want to be for myself. I want to do things that make me proud every day and also not be a timid wallflower that shies away from a compliment or even simply talking to people. I want to create things I am proud of and do work that matters to me, that I enjoy with passion. Instead of thinking I am not enough and trying to tell myself “I am enough every day”, but not truly believing it. This lit a fire. As soon as I started saying this to myself, I was immediately more confident and nicer to myself. Instead of that inner voice saying “I don’t know how that will ever happen for you,” or “It’s not good enough,” or “You can’t do that” etc, I now shut them up with “I am fiercely proud and proudly fierce!” and find a way to make that true. By doing one thing each day to make that true.
So THANK YOU EB and TAMAR for being so real, so raw, and so honest. You truly do inspire me and so many others!
May 29, 2018 | Blog
One of my 12 Weeks to Transformation clients emailed me about something she learned from her yoga instructor. It resonated with me and I think it will resonate with you as well.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/primaldailymotivation/Intensity_And_Stress.m4a” title=”Stress Versus Intensity” background=”#00ccbb” social_email=”true” ]
Thank you so much for your reply. I must have listened to your message 20 times this morning lol….. I love it! Thank you so much.
I took a Yoga class this morning and my teacher brought up something else that was extremely helpful. He was talking about the difference between intensity and stress. Intensity happens, stress is chosen. You can go through an intense moment, experience, situation…. and choose to stay peaceful or you can choose to be stressed. You can back off and let the intensity overwhelm or you can push through and come out the other side ready to grow. Like a seed sprouting, or a life being born…. those moments are of high INTENSITY, but you can chsose to let the moment create growth instead of stress/distress.
It really resonated with me and with everything I was pondering after your message.
So true, right?
Intensity happens. Stress is chosen.
Intensity can result from your circumstances, overwhich you may not have any control. Stress, on the other hand, is a result of your response. Your perspective. That is within your control.
The other thing that stands out to me in her email is stress versus distress.
You can be under physical stress during a workout, but you don’t have to panic or freak out – distress.
You can be under emotional stress when you’re dealing with a family or health crisis, but you can choose peace over distress.
I want you to carry these ideas with you this week and remind yourself that you are always in control of your reactions and your perspectives. To that extent, you’re very much in control of your own stress & distress levels!
May 27, 2018 | Blog
“It’s difficult for an empty sack to stand upright”
I return to this Ben Franklin quote when I’m feeling weak, unmotivated or frustrated.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/primaldailymotivation/Empty_Sack.m4a” background=”#00ccbb” social_email=”true” ]
Think about “standing upright” as those choices you feel you “should” make. Eating well. Minimizing indulgences. Working out. Getting up early. Reducing TV time. Spending less money.
When those choices feel hard or you just not feeling motivated to eat well, move more or be disciplined in your choices, focus on filling yourself up….mentally.
For me, when self-care and self-discipline feels hard, I’m generally not pouring into myself with my thoughts. In Franklin’s words, I’m an “empty sack”.
It’s difficult for an empty sack to stand upright.
We all find ourselves in these moments and when we’re there, the most critical thing is how we respond. You don’t have to fight against yourself and you certainly don’t have to give up or give in.
Fill yourself up. Read. Listen to a motivating podcast. Meditate. Clean your house. Dance to your favorite song. Pray. Journal.
Just realize that you might be running on empty and it’s time to fill yourself up.
May 24, 2018 | Blog
Almost every week I have a live Q&A webinar with the clients in my 12 week groups. The questions range a wide variety of topics – nutrition, hormones, stress, negativity, you name it. Last week, someone asked me to talk more about my own personal journey. She asked if I ever had moments of despair and how I handled them.
I shared honestly. Yes, there have been moments of despair. There continue to be moments of despair. There have been huge challenges and small challenges and those struggles continue to this day. Even beyond the word despair – there are hard moments in every day. There are moments and days and weeks when I don’t want to try. There are moments and days & weeks where life feels (or is) very challenging. I suspect that will be the case for the rest of my life (and yours). It’s about how we respond to those moments. It’s about how we choose to behave in those moments.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/primaldailymotivation/Taste_Of_Medicine.m4a” title=”Taste Of My Own Medicine” background=”#00ccbb” social_email=”true” ]
I will happily share a situation that came up just the other day where I needed to give myself a taste of my own mindset medicine. Before that though, I want to share my general rule of thumb for tough moments:
I don’t make decisions during emotional volatility.
If I’m stressed or angry, I’m not going to make a decision about alcohol or ice cream. I’m not going to respond to an email. I’m going to sit, breathe, reframe and take great care of myself until the storm clears.
I get a million opportunities every week to practice living that standard and making it a habit. Every hard moment is a chance to practice. And sometimes, I need a bit of my own tough love or mindset medicine.
Just the other day, when I was supposed to be sitting and working on my book, I texted my friend. Here’s what I said:
“What is wrong with me? Why do I have a mental block with this? Do I just need to quit?”
He replied, “No. Winners don’t quit”
That wasn’t enough for me. I said, “I feel like I can’t do it. I can’t make it great. I can’t get it organized.”
As I typed those words, I reminded myself:
Can’t lives on won’t street.
What I was really saying in my text was, “I won’t do it. I won’t make it great. I won’t get it organized.” I was choosing to let the obstacles win.
The truth is, I can do it. I can make it great. I can get it organized, if I choose to.
But, that won’t happen when I’m focused on telling myself I can’t.
I don’t have a mental block, though I can certainly create one.
Nothing is wrong with me, though I can convince myself something is.
I am doing it, but I can choose not to.
I can make it great, if I choose to.
Here’s the two biggest tips I can give you for moments of despair, big or small:
Stop convincing yourself of the problem so you can start acting on the solution.
Don’t make decisions during emotional volatility.
You’ve got this. So do I. Get to work.
May 21, 2018 | Blog
The other day I had great conversation with one of the incredible humans in the Primal Potential Masters Club. In fact, she was generous enough to let me share it on the podcast. You can hear the full conversation on episode 484 of the Primal Potential podcast.
After our conversation, I was reflecting on that conversation and a few others while writing in my journal. In just a few words, I unintentionally wrote a poem.
If you’d rather listen to this post than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/primaldailymotivation/Lets_Get_It_Done.m4a” title=”Get It Done” background=”#60b86c” social_email=”true” ]
It’s going to take work whether you walk or run so pick up the pace and let’s get it done.
It doesn’t matter what change you want to create – it’s going to take effort. It’s going to take discipline. You’re going to have to make tough choices.
Whether you go slow or you go fast, it’s going to take hard moments.
But here’s the thing: if you’re making progress, it’s going to feel easier and you’re going to be more positive about the process.
It reminds me of a quote I heard a few months ago:
If you’re tired of walking, run.
Instead of pulling back and being inconsistent, lean in to the struggle and double down on your effort & intensity.
For more on this idea, don’t miss episode 484 of the podcast!
May 17, 2018 | Blog
In episode 481, I introduced the idea that you don’t lose your way, you choose your way.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please hit play. Otherwise, keep reading below.
[smart_track_player url=”http://traffic.libsyn.com/primaldailymotivation/Lose_V_Choose_Thurs.m4a” title=”You Don’t Lose, You Choose” background=”#00ccbb” social_email=”true” ]
So many people talk about how they have lost their way or they have fallen off the wagon as if it wasn’t simply a result of choices they made.
I don’t say that to condemn or criticize. I say it to remind you that when it comes to the choices you make, you are in control.
There is no losing your way. Good, bad or indifferent, you are choosing your way. In every moment, you are choosing. You’re choosing your attitude, your perspective and your actions.
When you take responsibility for your choices, there’s less drama and less powerlessness. You simply own the fact that you make choices.
You can choose to be critical or you can choose to take responsibility without emotion. Drama free ownership.
You can always make a different choice.
You don’t lose your way. In every moment, you choose your way.
