Feb 23, 2019 | Blog
I know this can be a divisive topic: is there any merit to using affirmations for weight loss? Is it just woo-woo-hippy-dippy happy talk?
From my experience with weight loss, business building and finances, affirmations make a huge difference and here’s why: your thoughts drive your choices.
The way you think has a massive influence on the actions you take and the decisions you make.
Affirmations are a valuable (free) tool that will help you optimize your choices and overcome excuses. Today I want to share an affirmation one of my 12 WT clients is using and I think it’s a great starting point!
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Affirmations for Weight Loss or Overcoming Excuses
I’ve spent the last 10 days reaching out to my 12 Weeks to Transformation clients. I want to know what’s going well. I want to know what’s not going well. I want to know how I can help.
As much as I send these emails to help them, inevitably, they inspire ME.
One of my clients replied yesterday and, in the process of sharing with me what she’s going to do differently this week, she said:
I choose to be rare.
I absolutely LOVE that. I choose to be rare.
Think about it:
Your excuses, exceptions, excuses, doubts and delay….they’re overplayed. They’re common. Average. They are anything but rare.
“I choose to be rare” is a powerful mantra.
When you’re facing a decision, do you want to maintain your status quo? Continue to live in your comfort zone? Continue to settle for average? Continue to fuel your excuses, doubts or delays?
Or will you choose to be rare?
I choose to be rare in my work ethic.
I choose to be rare in my committment to choices that make me feel my best.
I choose to be rare in my decision to be present instead of distracted.
I choose to be rare in the way I communicate with kindess, patience and generosity.
I choose to be rare.
Want to see more affirmations for weight loss, behavior change or overcoming excuses? I created this list a couple years ago. And I created this list more recently after spending an inspiring weekend with the Primal Potential Masters Club.
If this is a topic you want to learn more about or optimize in your own life, here are a couple podcast episodes related to positive affirmations for weight loss, for success and really, for overall life optimization.
205: Use Your Mind to Transform Your Body
472: Change Your Mind
Learn more about the 12 Weeks to Transformation!
Feb 16, 2019 | Blog
Have you heard about blue light glasses? (They’re really blue light blockers.) Do you wear them? Do you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about?
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please press play below. Otherwise, keep on reading.
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Let’s break it down together: whether you’re male or female, young or old, lean or fluffy, hormones run the show in your body. Even more than calories, hormones determine if we’re burning fat or storing it. They influence if we sleep, how deeply we sleep and how we feel when we wake. Hormones influence mood, focus, energy, hunger, cravings and so much more! (For more on this, you can download my free hormones & fat loss guide here.)
What in the world do hormones have to do with blue light glasses? We’re getting there. Hang with me. While you might be familiar with the impact of stress and food on your hormones, there is something that is having a significant impact on our hormones is often overlooked:
Electronic devices.
Your computer, cell phone, tablet and television emit a particular type of light – blue light – that supresses melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone that regulates your sleep cycles. It influences how easily you fall asleep, your ability to get into the deeper, restorative stages of sleep and how you feel when you wake up.
Do you ever feel wired but tired? Exhausted, but unable to fall asleep?
Do you feel like no matter how much sleep you get, you never feel rested?
I’m telling you: get some blue light glasses.
Research shows blue light from our computers, phones, and TVs can cause insomnia, migraines, and reduced productivity.
Plus, this blue light really impacts cortisol, one our primary stress hormones. You can dive into the impact of blue light on stress & sleep with episode 016 of the Primal Potential podcast.
Here’s the thing though – I’ve had blue light blocking glasses for a couple years now and I was rarely wearing them. Though they’re easy to find on Amazon, most of them are flimsy, not well made and super ugly (yellow & orange tints, looking more like something you should wear when you’re operating heavy machinery). I wasn’t wearing them because they were ugly.
Fortunately, someone solved that problem. Last month, I met Natalie Rogers, founder of Klassy Network, and it turns out she noticed the same thing but she did something about it.
My Favorite Blue Light Glasses
Yes, people are spending more time than ever in front of their electronic devices. Their eyes are tired. They are tired. Sleep struggles are more prevalent than ever. Eye strain is rampant. And: blue light glasses are flimsy and ugly.
So, she created an alternative and I fell in love with it. I bought my first pair and the day they arrived, I loved them so much I bought a second pair. I wear them all day long. If I’m on my computer, looking at my phone or watching TV, I’m wearing my glasses.
When I told her that I emphasized the importance of blocking this blue light for the sake of hormone optimization, sleep, energy and recovery, she gave me a coupon code – “primal” – so you can save 10% on these glasses!
I mean, how cute are these? Glasses are an amazing accessory and these ones serve a purpose AND look totally adorable! 
Since I’ve been wearing them, I’ve noticed a few things:
- Glasses are my fave accessory (had to throw that in there! They are SO cute!)
- I have far less eye strain
- I’m falling asleep more quickly at night (this is major for me)
- I’m more focused when I’m working at my computer
I’ll leave you with this: I’m quite a minimalist. I don’t like gadgets and I’m pretty religious about only buying things I need. I’m not the girl who impulsively buys the latest and greatest stuff.
These glasses are worth it. Hormones run the show. They determine how we feel and they’re an interconnected network. If you’re influencing melatonin by constantly exposing yourself to blue light, you’re also influencing cortisol. When you’re influencing cortisol, you’re also influencing insulin. The ripple effect is significant.
Coming from a minimalist, I highly recommend these glasses (use the coupon code “primal” if you snag some) if you’re someone who spends your day looking at your phone, computer or tablet (or if you’re someone who likes to unwind with television at night).
Spoiler to my family: these will be birthday gifts coming your way for the foreseeable future!!
Big thanks to Natalie and everyone at Klassy Network for seeing a problem and solving it brilliantly!
Make sure to use the coupon code “primal” to get 10% off your order!
Feb 12, 2019 | Blog
If you’re human, you’ve probably had moments where you feel stuck in your job, stuck in your relationship or just feel stuck in life in general. Frustrated. Disappointed. Off-track. Have you said it before? Thought it? Reached out for help because of it?
“I feel stuck.”
When you feel stuck, it can quickly turn into doubting yourself and feeling like your goals are out of reach.
Here’s what I need you to know: just because you feel stuck doesn’t mean you are stuck. There is so much you can do today to overcome the sense of being stuck.
You’re not stuck. You stopped. There is a difference.
If you’ve ever felt stuck or overwhelmed, you’ve got to watch this video before continuing to read. I’m serious. This is you when you’re telling yourself you’re stuck.
via GIPHY
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play. Otherwise, keep reading below!
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When my 12 Weeks to Transformation clients tell me they feel stuck, I remind them that often, claiming that we’re stuck is the equivalent to pulling our car off the side of the road, putting it in park, taking the key out of the ignition and then freaking out that we’re stuck.
You’re not stuck. You stopped. There is a difference.
Here are 5 reminders you can use to set yourself free.
- Don’t let how you feel about the problem overshadow what you can do to create the solution.
- Feeling stuck is vague and general. In specificity you will find your superpowers.
- Are you letting the problem lead? Stop following the struggle.
- You will feel more free when you let go of “life overgrowth”.
- Put someone else in your shoes.
Don’t let how you feel about the problem overshadow what you can do to create the solution.
This one might hurt a little, but here’s the truth: if you feel stuck, you’ve talked yourself into it. Seriously. You can, at any time, convince yourself that you’re stuck.
You can also convince yourself that you’re not stuck.
Let’s use a super-familiar example: weight loss.
If you focus on all the things you haven’t done and all the times you’ve given up or given in in the past, you might feel stuck. If you focus on all the things you don’t want to do or aren’t willing to do, you might feel stuck.
However, you could also choose to focus on all the opportunities for improvement you could choose today. You can choose to focus on baby steps that are possible. You can make a list of all things you are able and willing to do today that represent an improvement for you and pick goals for this day based on that list.
When you feel stuck, check yourself: are you focused on how you feel about the problem or are you focused on what you can do to bring about the solution?
Feeling stuck is vague and general. In specificity you can find your superpowers.
Thinking in generalities and being vague is one of the reasons you feel stuck.
There’s a huge difference between, “I feel stuck” and “I want to lose weight and I’m not doing the work. I feel stuck behind my excuses. My most common excuses include…”
Feeling stuck is your starting point, not your end point. In Chasing Cupcakes, one of the recurrent tools I suggest are questions. Here are a few questions you can use to move from generalities to specifics:
Why do you feel stuck?
What is it that you want?
Is there something you can do today to create progress?
What’s in the way?
If there was a solution, what would it look like?
Is there something you can adopt today, via your behaviors, to move closer to the solution?
Identify the thing you feel like you should be doing or the thing you wish you were doing and find a way to move in that direction today. Get specific about what is in the way and what your options for forward progress are. Be specific!
Are you letting the problem lead? Stop following the struggle.
In your thoughts and feelings, what’s out in front? The problem or the solution?
Are you thinking about the past patterns? The struggles? What’s in the way?
Don’t let the problem lead you. Lead with the solution.
I’m not suggesting that the problem and your feelings about it don’t exist, but choose to lead with the solution.
Recently, my roof was leaking. Though it had been “repaired” just a couple weeks earlier, it was leaking. Again. Water was all over the kitchen.
I won’t deny that my tendency was to lead with the problem:
I can’t believe this! It was just fixed! Why is this happening? The guy who fixed it screwed up! This is a disaster!
Leading with the problem makes you feel all sorts of negative emotions ranging from overwhelmed to infuriated.
Leading with the solution is empowering: what do we need to do to get this fixed?
Remove the fixation on the problem. Dial back the emotion that is problem-focused.
Lead with the solution: how do we make this right?
You will feel more free when you let go of life overgrowth.
Sometimes you feel stuck because you’re overwhelmed. There’s so much chaos in your thoughts, your feelings or your circumstances that the path to the solution is simply obstructed. You can’t see it.
I realized just how true and powerful this idea is the other day when I was pruning the apple trees on my property.
It’s been about 5 years since they were properly cut back. The limbs were overgrown, crossing over eachother and blocking the light.
The same thing happens in our lives. We add new obligations, commitments, tasks, responsibilities. We add fears, past experiences, pressures, goals.
At some point, we have to cut back. We have to take a look at our lives and identify what needs to go. What’s blocking the light? Where is there overgrowth?
Have you taken on additional responsibilities that you need to let go of? Are there things you can outsource? Are there grudges you can release? Resentment you’re willing to let go of? Fears you can stop focusing on?
Get rid of excess. Turn off the TV. Spend less time on social media. Clean out your fridge. Stop spending money on stupid stuff.
Clear your own path.
Put someone else in your shoes.
If someone else felt stuck in the same situation, how would you advise them? What steps would you encourage them to take? How would you help a friend or loved one if they were in your shoes?
Write down your advice.
Now, take it.
Stuck is a perspective. Stuck is a choice. You have options, including whether or not to continue telling yourself that you’re stuck.
Learn More About Creating Momentum
To learn more about working with me in the 12 Weeks to Transformation, click here!
Bonus: Check out this amazing list of 11 TED talks you need to watch when you feel stuck in a rut.
Related episodes include:
512: When You Can’t Seem to Make the Struggle End
441: Why You Feel Stuck
If your excuses are why you feel stuck, check out my free strategy guide and audio on overcoming excuses!
Feb 7, 2019 | Blog
I help my clients solve problems. Often, in order to do that, we need to sift through their stories, histories, fears and limiting beliefs to get to a simple question:
What is the problem you’re trying to solve?
If you’d rather listen to this post than read it, please click the play button below. Otherwise, keep on reading!
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More often than not, there’s such a deep pattern of focusing on the problem – the details of it, the emotions around it, the history that justifies it – that it can be uncomfortable to shift to the solution, but that’s where progress lives – over here, away from the problem, in the solution.
The other day I got an email from one of my 12 Weeks to Transformation clients and after reading it, I challenged myself to answer the same question before responding:
In one sentence, what is the problem this person is trying to solve?
Here’s part of the email:
I weigh over 300 lbs, come from an obese family and a terrible food environment growing up, and have literally struggled being obese my entire adulthood, though many would say “I carry it well”, whatever the hell that means.
I know that is my history, but it’s not my story. The reason I’m writing you is that I don’t want to waste this golden opportunity to write a new story for the rest of my life based on my own goals and dreams.
But I have never done that before.
I feel woefully ill-equipped for such an undertaking. I have always just taken what life has thrown at me and made the best of it, and many good things have come out of that, don’t get me wrong! But I heard a quote somewhere that states that good can be the enemy of great.
How did you grow in the confidence to rewrite your story into the self-empowered life you’re leading now?
After reading that, I asked the question: In one sentence, what is the problem? I think it comes down to this: I doubt my ability to create change because I haven’t done it before.
At the core of this email is an opportunity, disguised as a problem: self-doubt.
The history and emotion in this email point to a powerful question that holds so many people back:
Do I have what it takes?
How can I believe change is possible when I have failed to create it so many times before?
My answer might surprise you.
You don’t have to believe that you have what it takes to reach your goal.
Don’t get me wrong: if you believe in yourself, that’s great. Keep on keeping on! But, if you’re struggling with self-doubt and you feel limited by your past patterns, that’s okay. If you aren’t sure you have what it takes to do the work and keep doing it for life, that’s completely fine.
The only thing you need to believe is that you are capable of one good choice.
How did I lose the weight? Pay off the debt? Start a business?
One choice at a time.
The belief wasn’t there at first, it was built over time. And even now, belief ebbs and flows and that’s fine because all change requires is your next choice.
Do you have one good choice in you?
What can you do to win the moment you’re in?
Think back to when you felt overwhelmed by a school project or term paper. You might have doubted your ability to write 10 pages on the mating habits of the humpback whale. No big deal, because “10 pages” isn’t how it happens.
You research.
Then, you write an outline.
You draft your intro.
You find answers to your questions.
You write a bit more.
One word at a time, you accumulate those 10 pages, by doing a series of things you CAN do.
Do you have one word in you? One sentence? Five minutes of uninterupted writing?
Belief is not a prerequisite for progress.
If you listen to the Primal Potential podcast, you’ve probably heard me tell this story before. It’s one of my favorites and I tell it to my clients constantly!
This guy, we’ll call him Ed, really wanted to get into real estate investing but he didn’t have any money. The only way Ed could think to get cash for his first deal was to sell his new truck.
He had overspent on the truck and it was definitely an expense he was willing to part with. But, Ed had a problem. He was upside down on the truck loan. He owed more than it was worth.
Ed wanted to do a private sale to get a better price for his truck, but even then, he wasn’t going to be able to sell it for what he owed and he didn’t have the cash to make up the difference.
He told himself, “I don’t know how I’ll make the numbers work, but in order to sell it, I’d have to clean it, so I’m just going to vacuum the truck.”
He did. He cleaned it up and got it looking brand new.
He still didn’t know how’d he make the money work, but he took the next step.
“I still don’t know how I’ll make the numbers work but I’d need pictures of it for an ad, and that part doesn’t cost me anything.”
He took pictures of the truck.
Then he posted an ad.
He kept taking the next step. Then the next.
Eventually, he found a buyer and they made it happen, but the point is this:
Don’t let what you think you can’t do distract you from doing what you can do.
Vacuum the truck.
When we convince ourselves that we have to see or believe in the finish line in order to start, we overlook the beautifully simple reality that all we need to do is make one improved choice at a time.
That is the extent of belief you need.
Continue to redirect your thoughts away from the length of the journey or the overwhelm of the end goal.
You have one good choice in you.
What’s your next great choice?
Tom Peters, author of The Excellence Dividend, says it powerfully:
Excellence is the next 5 minutes.
Break away from your story of doubt and fear and focus on the next 5 minutes.
Maybe you don’t believe that you can lose 100 pounds. That’s fine. Make one great choice. Maybe you don’t believe that you can pay off $150,000 in debt. That’s fine. Make one great choice. Maybe the idea of starting a business fills you with doubt. That’s okay. Write down your first step and then take it.
Overwhelm and disbelief are perspective problems.
You’re either focused on too much of the past or too much of the future.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow isn’t here yet. Today you’ll have dozens of opportunities to make one great choice at a time.
Begin there.
Every choice is a chance to create the change you crave.
If you feel like you need a little more structure or assistance in creating this momentum, one choice at a time, I’d love the opportunity to work with you more closely! The wait list is open for our next 12 Weeks to Transformation so make sure you’re on it!
If you have other questions or challenges: did you see that I’ve created a resources and FAQs page for you? Take a peak to see if I have resources listed that will help! If you don’t see what you’re looking for there, let me know so I can help!
Feb 4, 2019 | Blog
Every month, we have a live webinar in the Primal Potential Masters Club. We’re usually talking about strategies to create change and implementation of ideas from whatever book we’re exploring that month.
At their request, we’re working through Chasing Cupcakes this month and at the start of the webinar we were sharing our answers to the question, “What change do you want to create?”
One client said, “I want to be excited about my day. I want to feel proud and determined. It’s not important what I’m trying to accomplish; the goal is the feeling.”
If you’d rather listen to this email than read it, please click play below. Otherwise, keep on reading!
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The goal is the feeling.
Yes, this is an idea I talk about at length in the book – differentiating between the external goal and the internal target, but you know, sometimes you have to hear something at the right time for it to hit you in the right way.
It was the perfect moment for me to hear this familiar message that suddenly felt new.
As soon as she said it, it shifted something in my thinking. It showed me a flaw in how I was approaching one of my own primary goals.
She continued, “It’s about the commitment to the process.”
Committing to the process more than attaching to the outcome is something I encourage all the time but “the goal is the feeling” takes that to an even more valuable and specific level!
Think about it this way: we can commit to the process with a bad attitude or as a martyr. We can commit to the process while we moan and groan about the choices we’re making.
We can make all sorts of great choices and still be unhappy, disconnected and unfulfilled.
However, when the FEELING is the goal, we immunize ourselves against the negative-perspectives that often go along with goal pursuits. We ensure that the work we’re doing and the tasks we’re executing deliver the kind of life we’re wanting to create.
As soon as she said this, I started thinking about one of my own goals and processes.
I shared with the Masters Club that my #1 priority this year is joyful, fulfilling relationships. I used my relationship with my boyfriend as an example.
If you were to look at how I spend my time – just look at my calendar – it would tell you that my work is my priority.
When he wakes up, I’m working. He knows I’m working and tries to stay out of my hair. I say good morning, give him a kiss and ask how he slept, but then I’m right back to work.
My process-oriented approach to making a change so that my relationship is my #1 priority in ACTION, not just in my head, has been based on specific actions (not feelings). I was doing things like:
- Closing my computer when he wakes up
- Making time for cooking meals for him to take to work instead of telling myself I’m too busy
- Not huffing and puffing if he asks me to do something during my work time
It was a very task-focused approach to improving my relationship.
However: when I heard “the goal is the feeling” I instantly saw the flaw in my approach.
I want to feel more connected. I want there to be more joy and lightheartedness in my relationship.
I can execute all the above things and still not create those feelings I’m after of joy, connectedness and lightheartedness.
I can give him more time and be more present but still not hit the target I’m striving for.
When I implement my client’s mantra – the goal is the feeling – my strategy shifts and the results are so much more aligned with what I really want.
How can I create more connectedness today?
How can our interactions be more lighthearted today?
How can I infuse joy into our time together today?
No surprise, my answers have nothing to do with cooking dinner or closing my laptop!
It was a big shift for me.
It made me think of one of my other Masters Club friends who shared that she realized she was going about the “great mom and wife” pursuit the wrong way.
She spent so much time and energy cleaning the house, making meals and keeping everyone organized, but the vibe in her home wasn’t the vibe she wanted. She wasn’t FEELING how she wanted to feel and neither were her husband or her kids.
She decided to ask her family, “What makes you feel loved by me? When are you enjoying our time together most?”
They didn’t say anything about the laundry being done, the house being clean or the lengths she went to to make homemade bone broth.
They wanted her to snuggle. They wanted her to listen. They wanted her to laugh and play.
When the GOAL is the FEELING, everything shifts!
Guys, this isn’t just about relationships.The same thing is true with nutrition.
When we’re process oriented – committed to a process of eating well – that might look like discipline and willpower.
- I need to eat more veggies
- I need to snack less often
- I need to stop eating after dinner
We can commit to that process and hate it the whole way along.
Maybe we’re eating well but we aren’t happy.
If the goal is the feeling, it shifts everything.
I want to feel proud and confident. I want to feel full of energy. What choices will make me feel that way?
When you decide to be led by how you want to feel, you’ve created a hedge against negativity and martyrdom.
That single shift makes the pursuit much more pleasurable, increasing our changes of consistency.
The joy is in the journey.
If not, shift your perspective.
The goal is the feeling.
How do you want to feel?
What choices facilitate those feelings?
What choices don’t make you feel the way you want to feel?
What can you do about it today?
These questions and perspective shifts are really the essence of Chasing Cupcakes.
If you haven’t started the book because you’re not a big reader, I’ve got a special opportunity for you. I was asking my publisher how we might encourage the non-readers (simply because reading has absolutely transformed my life and the way I think) and we came up with an idea.
If you listen to music or podcasts, try listening to Chasing Cupcakes. If you’re new to Audible, you can get a free Audible trial membership AND a free audiobook by going to audibletrial.com/primalpotential
You don’t have to start with Chasing Cupcakes. But you will get a free month to try out Audible and a free book to start with – of your choice!
Make today amazing by considering how you want to feel and identifying the choices that contribute to that feeling as well as the choices that impair or impede that feeling.
Every choice is a chance!
Jan 31, 2019 | Blog
I know there are so many of you out there who really want to change your lives but feel confined by your excuses. It’s like your mind – the way you think and create excuses and exceptions – holds you back. I get it. I’ve been there. I was the same way.
I was desperate for a different life.
I weighed over 350 pounds and was deeply depressed.
I made good money but I was living paycheck to paycheck and felt stuck. My money was already spoken for before it hit my bank account!
I knew there was a different way to live and I wanted it badly, yet there I was, continuing to make excuses and talk myself out of doing the work every single day.
Eventually, I got there. Not only did I pay off all my debts, I created wealth.
Not only did I lose about 150 pounds, I also became someone who genuinely desires to eat well!
I didn’t create these changes by following a diet or list of rules. I didn’t follow a prescribed plan. I took it one day at a time and made these major transformations by changing how I think. There were 3 tools that were super helpful in changing my thoughts and I’m going to give you a look at those 3 tools today!
Journaling
The first thing I do every single morning, within 5 minutes of waking, is grab my journal. I don’t count calories or track macros, but journaling has been the single most powerful free tool that has helped me change my entire life.
Journaling has improved my business, my health, my relationships, my overall happiness, my finances and basically everything else in my life!
When I first started journaling, my sole objective was to pay more attention to my choices. For so long, I had told myself that overeating felt “good” and eating healthy was discipline and deprivation. Journaling showed me how false that was! Overeating made me feel awful! It made me tired, moody and hopeless. As I noticed the truth about how my choices made me feel, things began to shift.
More recently, I’ve adjusted my journaling a little bit to a concept I was introduced to in the book Atomic Habits. I call it “identity journaling” and it’s essentially the practice by which I show up each day as the person I want to be, instead of the person I feel I am.
I talk about this in detail in episode 559 of the Primal Potential podcast – so take a listen to that – but identity journaling looks a lot like this:
If I were to go through THIS day as the person I want to be, what would that look like?
Then, I get specific. I’m not writing in generalities, I’m detailing specifics.
I’ll use today as an example. Today is a very, very full day. My calendar is back-to-back from 5am to 9pm, I have a very unpleasant stomach bug and I’m leaving tomorrow for a 6-day business trip to California (that I’m not packed for).
I begin the day by asking, “If I were the very best version of myself, how will I go through this day?”
I’m going to take my time today. I’m not going to rush. There’s enough time. Besides, rushing makes more stress. Rushing doesn’t make more time. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I’m going to come back to the things that MUST be done today and I’m not going to pressure myself to do things that don’t need to be done. I don’t need to do show notes or file creation for the podcasts I’m recording. If I get to it, great. If I don’t, there’s time another day.
I won’t see being sick as a burden. It’s actually saving me time today! I don’t need to squeeze in a workout, I need to take time to rest.
I don’t need to stress over packing for Cali. This trip is a blessing, not a burden, and what I wear is really not too important. Whatever I bring will be fine.
I’m going to make today a happy, calm day with boyfriend. I’ll be present and patient. I will make time to connect with him before leaving. I will go out of my way to make him feel special.
I’ll choose to get excited about my meeting with Mike, not stressed or overwhelmed. Nothing has to be figured out today.
I will approach the house rennovations with excitement and confidence, not fear. I’m a creative, energetic problem solver and there is nothing to fear!
For context, that short journal entry took about 2 minutes. It would typically include thoughts about how I’ll eat today – as the best version of me – and how I’d workout. But, since I have a stomach bug, that’s not on the table for today.
There’s more that goes into identity journaling, so absolutely listen to episode 559 for more information!
This one thing has dramatically changed my life and the lives of many of my clients!
Reading
To behave differently, we have to think differently because our thoughts drive our actions. For as long as you’re still thinking the same way, you’ll make the same choices. I wish the idea of “thinking differently” was as easy as deciding to change your thoughts, but it’s not.
In fact, that’s one of the most common questions I get. “My thoughts are automatic. They’re almost subconscious. How do I change them?”
That’s a FANTASTIC and perfect question. Awareness is a big part of it, which is why I journal and meditate. The other big part is reading.
When I read, I expose myself to new ways of thinking. When I challenge myself to act on what I’ve read, I now have a tool to help me change the way I think in a very specific way.
The list of books that have helped me change the most is a long one, but here are a few of the most valuable ones.
The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
Mindset by Carol Dweck
Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield
Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
Atomic Habits by James Clear
You can find an action-based guide to the changes I’ve made in my new book, Chasing Cupcakes.
Meditation
If your first thought is, “I’ve tried to meditate, I just can’t do it. My brain is way too crazy for that!” I understand. I was that way, too. I tried meditation for years before I started practicing in a way that works for me.
Before I tell you how I meditate, I need to tell you why I meditate.
One of the primary barriers to change in my life had been that I acted without thought. I was reactive.
There’s a beautiful quote from Viktor Frankl that says,
“Between stimulus and response there is a pause. In that pause lies our power and our freedom.”
In my life, I couldn’t find the pause until after the moment was over. I was rushing through my thoughts, rushing through my choices, rushing through my life.
I had to create that pause. I had to capitalize on that pause, so I could think differently and act differently. Meditation helps me do that.
I’ve found that it takes the edge off. The tension to act immediately on an urge or impulse is so much less since I’ve started meditating. It’s been a game changer. Besides, it’s free! And, there are a ton of other health benefits that go along with helping me calm down and make better decisions.
There are many ways to meditate and none of them are wrong. The type of meditation I’ve found works best for me is called Transcendental Meditation (TM).
What I love most about TM is that you’re not trying to stop thought. The thoughts come and that’s fine. It’s not about the absence of thought but rather the awareness of it. I’ve talked about my experience with TM on the Primal Potential podcast here.
If you’re thinking that you don’t have time to meditate, I want to share an important perspective with you. Meditation isn’t spending your time, it’s investing your time. Think about it: when you spend your money, it’s gone. When you invest your money, more money comes back to you. Investing is a money-making move, not a money-spending more.
Meditation is the same way. The more time I give to meditation, the more I get back by way of being more focused, more productive, more creative and less overwhelmed.
These are three free or nearly-free strategies. If you use the library for your books, these strategies are all free and the payoff is HUGE. You don’t have to start with all of them. In fact, please don’t start with all of them! Start small and incorporate one, small change at a time!
If you’d like to check out a more comprehensive guide to the tools of change creation, take a look at Chasing Cupcakes. If you’re not a reader, I’ve got you covered! First, it’s available on Audible as an audiobook you can listen to! And, if you’re a new Audible customer, you can get a free 30-day trial AND your first book free if you register via audibletrial.com/primalpotential.
Here’s to creating change! Every choice is a chance!
Jan 27, 2019 | Blog
You’ve probably heard me say that there are no shortcuts. When it comes to nutrition and fitness, I absolutely stand by that. In fact, nutrition and fitness “shortcuts” are usually big mistakes – paths to unsustainable progress and undoing whatever results you worked hard to create.
But, I believe there are a couple shortcuts to creating big changes in your life. In fact, I’m sure of it.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please hit play. Otherwise, keep on reading below.
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If you’re like me, your attempts to learn, change and grow are tenuously mixed into the frenzy of a very full life.
When you make time to listen to a podcast, journal, or do absolutely anything to work on yourself, there’s a flurry of other things competing for your time and attention. You’re keeping an eye on the time because you have somewhere to be. You’re warding off incessant thoughts about the hundred other things on your day’s list. The phone rings. Your kid wants a snack.
There are 1,000 things competing for your attention at any given moment. I get it. It makes creating change harder and it makes progress take longer.
If we think of your path from where you are to where you want to be as an interstate highway, components of your daily life have you stopping, starting, taking detours and bathroom breaks every few feet. It can get frustrating.
That’s why finding & creating opportunities to step away from the distractions and obligations of daily life – even just once a year – can be an invaluable short cut.
It’s one of the primary reasons that I hosted ASCEND – a Primal Potential weekend workshop – in both 2016 and 2017.
I realized that our personal lives are a lot like running a business. As a business owner, I can get so bound up working IN my business – getting through the hustle of day to day life – that I don’t have time to truly work ON my business – to do the things that will take it to the next level.
When we create time to step away and work ON our lives instead of just IN them, it’s nothing short of transformational.
It’s one of the single most powerful shortcuts to improving your life and dramatically accelerating progress toward your goals. That’s why ASCEND is so important to me and so powerful for the people who come.
Unfortunately, I didn’t host ASCEND in 2018 because I needed to make Chasing Cupcakes a priority.
But! In 2019, ASCEND is back and better than ever! I’m sure you have a million questions about the schedule, price and everything in between but for today, I have only two things for you:
The date & a wait list.
ASCEND will be November 8-10 2019 in Portland, Oregon! Ticket information is not yet available, so thank you for refraining from questions about the agenda, tickets and pricing because those details aren’t yet available.
Please save the date! Put it on your calendar!
If you want to be notified as more information becomes available about ticket options, pricing and a loose agenda, please make sure to get on the wait list over on the Work With Me page of my website. I’ll be sending out more information soon, including thoughts and experiences of people who have been to ASCEND in the past.
Once again: pricing and ticket information is not yet available so if you have those questions, the very best thing you can do is put the dates on your calendar and get on the wait list!
I would LOVE the opportunity to spend the weekend with you in November!
Jan 24, 2019 | Blog
To create change, you have to get off the sidelines where you’re watching and planning and into the game where you’re taking action and doing the work.
Just yesterday I got this email:
How do I DO the work, to get off the sidelines and get DOING instead of fretting and doing nothing?
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please hit play below. Otherwise, keep on reading.
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Most of us intellectually understand that we need to do the work, but struggle with the most important part.
How do I get myself to do it?
How do I get myself to stop making excuses and actually do the things I already KNOW I should be doing?
How do I get myself to take the steps that will create the result I want so badly?
The answer to that question is exactly why I wrote Chasing Cupcakes. To help people make that shift, today and every day, that eluded me for so long.
For most of my life, I felt the same way.
- I knew I should eat better but I kept making excuses and putting it off
- I knew I should watch less TV but I settled for hours of laying around every night
- I knew I’d feel better if I exercised but I wasn’t ever doing it
- I knew I should get my finances organized and start spending less, but nothing was changing
I was deep in a cycle of continuous learning and planning.
I would think about the changes I wanted to make and I’d voraciously consume as much information about strategy and tactic as I could find. I’d plan my approach and chart my expected progress, but never launch. Or, if I’d begin, I’d give up in hours or days.
I didn’t need to learn more. I didn’t need to plan more. I didn’t need to think or strategize more. I simply needed to DO more and do it more consistently.
So back to the question…
How do you get off the sidelines and into the game?
Immediately, right now, shift your attention from the problem to the solution.
To take action, you have to turn your attention to the action you’re able and willing to take TODAY. Not in theory, not in general, not tomorrow or Monday.
Today.
Identify one thing you’re able and willing to DO in the next hour that represents an improvement for you.
If I were to participate in the solution TODAY, what would that look like? Of those things, which am I able and willing to do right away?
I have invested thousands of hours into creating tools to help people make this shift. I’ve mentioned Chasing Cupcakes and that’s absolutely one of them. It’s not a rule book. It’s a tool book. It’s not there to help you learn, it’s there to help you change.
The other is the 12 Weeks to Transformation – a carefully guided journey to help you build a foundation of action and awareness. Registration opens a few times a year and our next group kicks off on April 7th, 2019. The wait list is presently open so if you want to learn more, make sure you’re on that wait list!
Fortunately, you can start right now. You don’t have to wait until you finish Chasing Cupcakes. You don’t have to wait until our 12 Week journey together this spring. You can start right now by asking and answering these questions.
Just for today, what are you willing and able to do that is an improvement for you?
What is one action step you’re able and willing to take today that moves you in the direction of the goal you have?
What is your next best choice?
How can you win the next 5 minutes?
These questions are tools you can use in any & every moment to get off the sidelines and into the game.
Jan 20, 2019 | Blog
I like to keep it SUPER real with you. I’m not immune to struggles and hard moments. In fact, I had an incredibly challenging moment this week, but it turned out to be a very valuable learning experience.
If you’d rather listen to this blog than read it, please click play below. I highly recommend listening. It’s a bit more entertaining.
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Tuesday, January 15th started out as a great day. We were just a few days into the Chasing Cupcakes launch, I closed on the new property on Cape Cod and I was settling back into my rhythm. I was up early, as usual, reading, journaling and drinking coffee. In my reading, I came across a story that I wanted to send my sister Debi. I found it super motivating so I recorded myself reading it and texted it to her. The story came from Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening. I highly recommend you get a copy. I’ll paraphrase the story for you so you get the backstory – it matters. The full version is in the audio of this blog, linked here.
A Hindu master, tired of his apprentice always complaining, decided to teach him a lesson. He told him to take a handful of salt, pour it in a glass of water, and then drink from the glass.
It was awful. Miserable to drink.
The Hindu master then walked with his young apprentice to a nearby lake and instructed his student to take a second handful of salt and put it in the lake.
“Drink from the lake”, he instructed him.
The water was fresh. The young man couldn’t taste the salt.
“Son, the pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So, when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is enlarge your sense of things…Stop being a glass, become a lake.”
I sent the message off to my sister and went about my day. A few hours later I had a call with my book publisher to talk, for the first time since the release only 4 days earlier, about the initial sales numbers.
It’s my first book, so I didn’t really have a concept of how many I would sell. I do know my podcast numbers, so I thought that a good percentage of podcast listeners would be eager to buy the book. Plus, Chasing Cupcakes hit #1 new release in multiple categories on day one and made it to an overall top 200 list.
Based on those things, I had high expectations for the number of copies sold.
When I saw the numbers that day, I instantly felt gut punched. Before my rational brain could catch up, I felt sad. Disheartened. I felt like a failure.
The book sales numbers were no where near my podcast listener numbers. No where NEAR.
In a matter of seconds, I realized something major.
This feeling I was experiencing was almost exactly like the feeling I’ve felt a million times before when I’d get on the scale expecting to be several pounds down only to find that the number looking back up at me was the same, or even higher.
In those moments where reality didn’t reflect my expectations for weight loss, I’d often choose the perspective of, “What’s the point? Who even cares? Why do I try? This is pointless.”
So, as I sat at the table, looking at the book sale numbers and thinking about all those times I felt a similar way, I reminded myself:
How I respond in these moments determines where I go in my life.
It determines if I make progress or not. It determines if I’m motivated or not. It determines if I forge ahead or quit all together.
When I would look at the scale and not see the weight loss I was expecting or hoping for, how I responded was the difference maker:
- Do I feel sorry for myself?
- Do I throw a pity party?
- Do I see it as an opportunity to proceed more intelligently?
I was facing the same decision in that moment.
How I respond to a reality that doesn’t match my expectations determines where I go moving forward.
Would I throw a pity party and feel sorry for myself or would I choose to be curious instead of critical? Would I choose to use this information to proceed differently and more intelligently?
Would I tuck my tail between my legs and give up or would I use this moment to fuel growth and process?
I chose the latter. First, I had to check my expectations. I have never written a book. I don’t know what’s reasonable for sales.
My publisher told me the numbers were excellent.
Then, I had to shift gears.
“If I want to make this better, what are all my options? What can I do about it? How can I participate in the solution instead of fixating on the problem?”
I created a list of ideas, strategies, questions and tactics. When I shifted from how I felt about the problem to what I could do to create a solution, I immediately felt re-invigorated, determined and focused.
But it’s not just about tactics. It’s also about mindset. In fact, it’s mostly about mindset. I thought back to the story I shared with my sister. I was being a glass – swallowing that salty water. Being a small container. Choosing a limited view.
This was my opportunity to be a lake. The amount of pain is the same, but my experience of it depends on my perspective. On my mind. On my heart.
I could choose to think small – the first 4 days of sales were not what I thought they would be.
Or, I could think bigger and essentially eliminate the pain.
- I wrote a book that I’m proud of
- It has dozens of 5-star reviews in the first few days
- The feedback has been amazing
- It hit #1 new release in multiple categories immediately out of the gate
- I’m a first time author with a lot to learn
- Nothing comes easily – I have to adjust and improve from here
- Listening to a free podcast is an easier decision than spending money on a book, especially when most people don’t yet realize why reading is so insanely valuable
I share this with you because we come to these crossroads moments all the time in life.
We feel disappointed in ourselves or in others. We feel frustrated, defeated or embarrassed.
In those moments, we have a choice. We can throw a pity party and stop trying or we can choose to use the moment to proceed more intelligently.
Every moment of frustration is an opportunity to practice.
