735: There’s No Freedom in the Middle

712: Accumulated Yesterdays & Fearful Tomorrows

Worry gets in the way. We give too much time and energy to what Dale Carnegie refers to as accumulated yesterdays and fearful tomorrows. In today’s episode, we’re talking about actionable steps to change that.

I HIGHLY recommend the book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. You can even listen to it on Audible! In fact, if you’re new to audible, use this link to get a free 30-day trial AND your first book free!

735: There’s No Freedom in the Middle

689: A New View on Deprivation & Missing Out

How often do you feel deprived and that you’re missing out when everyone else isn’t. This idea of deprivation often comes into play when you’re committed to losing weight, getting healthy, escaping debt or making any transformational change in your life.

Yet this notion of deprivation doesn’t come from the choices you make, rather the perspective you have toward these choices. In today’s episode, I dive deep into deprivation and the fear of missing out, and how a changed outlook can rid it from your life for good.

I’ve also written an article that accompanies this, so whether you read, listen or both… make notes and have an honest conversation with yourself about whether your supposed deprivation is fact or fiction.

IN TODAY’S SHOW YOU WILL LEARN:

  1. How this issue with deprivation is especially prevalent during the holidays.
  2. The conversations I’ve had that inspired this episode, with clients from the 12 Weeks to Transformation.
  3. How Deprivation isn’t about practice or the choices you make, but rather about your perspective toward these.
  4. What the next level to this is, and how it triggers an insecurity some many of us have.
  5. The self-centered effects of deprivation, and how to break this narrative by looking at the whole picture.
  6. The half-truths of deprivation, and how it often only creates an incomplete story.
  7. A recent story from my own life, and how I stepped back from deprivation and the fear of missing out
  8. How you can be part of 2020’s first 12 Weeks to Transformation, and how to get access to a few special bonuses.

TODAY’S RESOURCES:

I recently went out for a meal with my boyfriend and one of his friends…

We had a lovely meal and shared lots of stories, yet the two of them did something that is possibly not the best idea to do around a woman who’s seven months pregnant… they ordered a bottle of wine.

Of course, I couldn’t have any wine.
And in that moment I had a choice to make…

  1. Feel deprived, and wish I had what they had
  2. Do the other thing…

We’ll get to what the “other thing” is soon. It’s something each one of us can choose to do, but often don’t and instead feel deprived and like we’re missing out on something we want or need. It’s especially prevalent at this time of year where one holiday follows the last.

Food, drink, social gatherings, presents to buy and a house to decorate…

It’s easy to see what other people are doing or have and wish you did or had the same. Maybe you give into these temptations and eat more, drink more and spend more money. Well, we all know what that leads to…

  • Guilt
  • Frustration
  • Anger
  • Annoyance
  • Blame — either yourself or other people!

But then again, maybe you don’t give into temptation.
Maybe you’re on a diet, trying to drink less or committed to escaping debt.

You hold strong but it’s a struggle too because you feel like you’re missing out. You work so hard, yet here you are, deprived of having a good time where everyone else seems to do what they want to do.

It isn’t fair, is it?
Well, that depends on how you look at it.

I felt compelled to record this episode of the Primal Potential podcast because I’ve had a lot of conversations with clients (those inside the 12 Weeks of Transformation), and one topic that keeps coming up is DEPRIVATION.

For instance, while speaking to one client, she told me how she was struggling with the feeling of missing out. She felt like she couldn’t have certain things because she was committed to losing weight,

So I asked her what she was missing out on.
“Chocolate cake,” she said.

Because she’s committed to losing weight, she doesn’t feel like she can have it. Yet, is this true? If she had a piece of chocolate cake would it have a massive impact on her end result? If she had one piece over the holiday, would it mean all the progress she made was pointless?

Of course not!

She feels deprived, but that’s all it is… a feeling.

How To Step Away From Deprivation Once and For All!

Deprivation isn’t about what you can and can’t do, it’s about your perspective toward these.

 

It’s not the list of things you should say no to, it’s your feelings toward these. Being on a disciplined diet doesn’t lead to deprivation. My client isn’t deprived because she can’t have chocolate cake. It’s her perspective toward all this that deprives her.

The story she tells herself.
The inner narrative.
The perspective you have!

Deprivation comes from how you see the issue, not the issue itself. You can choose to eat chocolate cake and still stick to your diet, and you can still lose the weight you desire. Yet you can also choose not to.

You can choose to see saying no to chocolate cake as deprivation, and that you’re missing out while everyone else around the table gets to enjoy life. Or you can change the narrative and focus on the bigger picture.

I choose to say no to chocolate because I want to be healthier, fitter and happier.
I can have it right now if I want… nobody and nothing can stop me. But I can choose not to.

Deprivation comes from your perspective.
It comes from the stories you tell yourself.

Deprivation Comes From a Selfish Place

There’s another level to all this that I go into detail in the episode that accompanies this. I encourage you to listen to it in full as it shares a few stories and examples from my own life.

What I know is true for me is, when I’m struggling with something in life I tend to get pretty selfish. Less so these days, as I’m more conscious of it. But in the past, sure… I made it all about me.

Let’s go back to the dinner table with my boyfriend and his friend…

They ordered wine that I cannot have. Here I am, seven months pregnant. I would love wine but cannot have it. How selfish of them. Do they not think about me? Do they even care?!

If this narrative played in my head, maybe you could understand it and appreciate it. It would be easy to validate, that is for sure. Yet who does this take into account? ME! That’s it. It’s my side of the story, and how it affects me.

It doesn’t take into account my boyfriend or his friend.
It doesn’t take into account the lovely meal we got to share with each other.
It doesn’t take into account the food I got to eat and the stories we shared.

It’s about me and what I don’t have.

Deprivation is a very self-centered perspective!

It’s very one-sided and doesn’t look at the whole story. It’s not an accurate story. It’s a half-truth at best, and you cannot make good decisions based on half-truths. You lead with emotions and it fuels the feeling of deprivation and that you’re missing out.

Which makes the whole process worse…

It’s Time To Change Your Perspective

Oftentimes, we focus on the negative instead of the positive.

  • You feel deprived because you can’t have dessert, even though you’ve had a lovely meal and are full.
  • You feel deprived because you can’t have a drink when everyone else is, even though you’re having an amazing night with friends you love.
  • You feel deprived because you can’t spend the money you would like, even though by escaping debt it will allow you to live the life you desire.

It’s not that you’re deprived or missing out… you simply see it this way. Well, you can choose to change your perspective and focus on the bigger picture; the positives that often outweigh the negatives.

We often see discipline as something that steals from us.

  • The discipline of losing weight
  • The discipline of escaping debt
  • The discipline of working out

Well, discipline is something you do for yourself, not something you do to yourself.

The freedom that discipline offers you is huge. Maybe not right now, but further down the line… sure. This is the new perspective you need to take. Once you do you’ll never feel deprived again.

I didn’t feel deprived as I sat around the table with my boyfriend and his friend. As they drank wine that they couldn’t, I focussed on the lovely meal we shared and the stories we told. I appreciated what I have, and reminded myself why I’m not drinking wine right now.

Because soon I’ll welcome my daughter into the world, and that’s more important than a glass of red.

Thanks for reading today. Please listen to the podcast episode in full to get a deeper look into deprivation and the role it plays in your life.

And if you would like to surround yourself with people who strive to change their perspective like this, and have a platform to share your worries and wins… join the 12 Weeks to Transformation Wait List.

It’s now open, and those on the Wait List get information first about what to expect in 2020.

Join the Wait List Here ⇒ 

Thanks again for listening and reading. If you have any questions please add them in the comments below. And to subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media, follow the links below.

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735: There’s No Freedom in the Middle

684: An Open Letter About the Holidays

The Holidays are an amazing time of year, but can also bring a lot of stress, worry and overwhelm. I struggled with them for a long time. I would over-indulge and commit to too much, and come out the other side exhausted and unhappy. It got to the point where I dreaded the holidays.

In this episode, I explain how I escaped this, as well as the six things I’m focussing on ahead of the holidays that are approaching very soon. I’ve written an article that accompanies this, so whether you read, listen or both… think about how you can make the holidays easier and better for you and your family in the coming weeks.

IN TODAY’S SHOW YOU WILL LEARN:

  1. About the Free 7 Day Challenge I’m running that will help you make the most of the holidays this year.
  2. An important lesson I learned from James Clear about how you need to serve yourself before you can serve others.
  3. How I struggled with the holidays for nearly a decade, and how I dreaded them each year (avoiding them as much as I could).
  4. How your life isn’t black or white, and how a binary approach like this does not serve you or those around you.
  5. The 6 aspects I’m focussing on during the holidays this year to ensure I have a good time while sticking to my goals
  6. How this doesn’t only apply to the holidays, but if you go on vacation, out for a meal or even a weekend away.
  7. Why you should stop using the phrase “Holiday Season”!
  8. The steps you can make TODAY to ensure you reduce stress and overwhelm so you can enjoy the holidays without guilt or worry.

TODAY’S RESOURCES:

Until relatively recently, the holidays have always been a tough time for me.

For starters… the food!
As someone who struggled with her weight, the holidays brought temptation and guilt.

I’d be nervous in the lead up to them. I would set a goal and say “this year I won’t overindulge”, yet once the Halloween candy hit the stores the temptations would begin. Thanksgiving would soon follow with a lot more food. And then Christmas. And New Years. And valentines shortly after that…

I’d give in to my temptations once and more would follow.
After a few weeks of this, it’s hard to think of those goals without feeling the guilt.

And looking in the mirror… well, let’s say I didn’t enjoy doing it.

Yet it wasn’t just the food. As an introvert, the holidays bring a lot of social gatherings. This, combined with all the food and deserts led me to dread this period each year. I’d feel anxious about them. I’d avoid them. For around ten years, this was the case!

I no longer feel this way… I talk about why in the latest episode of the Primal Potential podcast. I encourage you to listen to it in full, as I share my personal story from avoiding the holidays to embracing them.

With the holidays approaching fast, now feels like a good time to share this with you.

A Lesson About Filling Your Cup From James Clear

I recently came across this image from James Clear.

I thought about the holidays approaching as soon as I saw it. How, during this time of year, so many people stop filing their own cup.

  • The lack of sleep due to all the parties and family gatherings.
  • The lack of recovery and time on your own, for the same reasons.
  • An overindulgence of food, and a lack of good food entering your body.
  • Too much drink and not enough exercise.

All the while you travel more at this time of year, still have work and life’s general stresses, and the worry of buying presents, cleaning the house before guests arrive and carving enough time to spend with family and friends.

As the image above shows, you need to put into your cup before you can let anything out.
Yet how often does this faucet stop in the lead up to the holidays?

Is it any wonder this time of year brings so much stress and overwhelm?

Your Life is NOT Black or White

I don’t like to look at life as black or white. It isn’t binary where you have to choose one or the other. You can have both a fun, exciting and enjoyable holiday period without needing to overindulge in food, drink and anything else.

It isn’t either-or.
Yet this is the mindset most people take.

Myself included, for many years.

Binary is the opposite of creativity. With a little thinking and planning, you can enjoy the holidays ahead without having to say no to every dessert and glass of wine. You can have both.

I talk about how in the episode that accompanies this article.
It goes into everything in greater depth, so be sure to listen in full.

But to overview, here are the 6 Aspects I’m focussing on as we enter the holidays…

1: Find The “Bliss Point”

I talk about the “Bliss Point” in episode 537, so you may like to listen to that in full to get a complete picture of what it is. The premise of it is simple enough:

a quantity of consumption where any further increase would make the consumer less satisfied

The bliss point is relevant in all walks of life: in business, with your own health, at home… everything!

It’s certainly present during the holidays. Think about how easy it is to go past this bliss point:

  • Where you spend too much on things you don’t need…
  • When you eat more food than it is enjoyable…
  • How you drink a few too many…
  • Where time with your family becomes too overwhelming and overbearing…

You have control over this, though. You get to choose when to stop. But first, you must appreciate what is too much and too little. Find that bliss spot and commit to staying inside it.

2: Stop Using The Term “Holiday Season”

Once Halloween arrives, we seem to enter the “Holiday Season”.

This is a dangerous term because before long you use it as an excuse:

  • To eat what you like
  • To go out and enjoy yourself too much
  • To drink and socialize
  • To get back to your workout when it’s all over…

It isn’t a season. Each holiday lasts a few days.
So, stop using it as an excuse to fall short of your goals.

This leads us to the next point.

3: Never Skip Twice

It’s Thanksgiving, so you skip your workout and indulge in a lot of food. Fine. Enjoy yourself.

But tomorrow, get back to it.

Don’t let it happen twice. Don’t let eating pizza at lunch be a reason to have ice cream after dinner. If you make a mistake or fall short, accept it and move on. Just commit to getting back to what you need to do tomorrow.

Never skip it twice.
Don’t let it become a habit.

4: Take Full Responsibility

I used to struggle with this, and it’s something I continue to work on each day.

It’s often easy to assign blame elsewhere.

As though the reason you ate seven cookies is that they brought out a plate full of them. Like you had to eat them all. As if you couldn’t have just had one or two!

It’s your choice. What you choose to do and not do is on you. Take full responsibility for it.

Practice taking ownership for all you can.

5: Do NOT Make it All About You!

This is easy to get caught up in during the holidays because you often have more to do.

  • Clean the house, as you have family coming over.
  • So much food to cook and prepare.
  • Presents to buy.
  • Travel to arrange for when you visit home.
  • Work to get finished before you take a few days off…

It’s easy to get caught up in all the things YOU have to do.
To the point where you forget what other people are going through.

Take a step back. Think about what’s going on with them.
Make it less about you, and more about those around you.

6: Plan Plan Plan!

This one helps to overcome making it all about you!

 

Create a plan. Make a start. Each day, make progress.

 

  • Plan the presents you need to buy and purchase one each evening.
  • Clean a section of your house every weekend.
  • Decide what is the right amount of food to eat and what’s too much ahead of time.

Start early and do something every day / few days / each week… this way the stress doesn’t build up until you have to do everything last minute. Have a plan and then stick to it.

I go deeper into all six of these in the episode that accompanies this.
I encourage you to listen to it in full, as I share a lot of my own story.

This began as a letter to myself. Yet I wanted to share it with you because I know the holidays are a struggle for so many. I found it difficult for 10 years, always dreading the holidays as soon as they arrived.

As we move into the holidays this year, these are the 6 aspects I’m focussing on.

I plan to have fun.
I WILL indulge in the food I love.
I’ll have a great time with family.

But I’ll also workout, have time on my own and stick to my goals. I won’t allow myself to enjoy too much short term pleasure if it’s at the expense of the life I desire. You can do the same. It’s a choice.

And it’s one of the things we’ll focus on in the Free 7 Day Challenge we’re running.

There are two ways to get involved.

  1. via the 12 Weeks to Transformation Wait List
  2. join the free Primal Potential Facebook Group

Each day I’ll send you a series of questions or journal prompts designed to make you feel more centered, grateful and fulfilled (and less stressed and overwhelmed).

It’s the perfect remedy to the holiday struggles so many face.

Thanks for reading today. Please listen to the podcast that accompanies this article in full, as I talk more about the holiday struggles I faced and how I overcame them.

The holidays can be a tough time, but they’re also a great opportunity to recharge, reflect and spend time with those you love (let alone enjoy some amazing food). You can both enjoy yourself and stick to the goals you set. It’s possible. It’s within your control!

I invite you to join me on the Free 7 Day Challenge that’s coming up. There are two ways to get involved.

  1. via the 12 Weeks to Transformation Wait List
  2. join the free Primal Potential Facebook Group

Thanks again for listening and reading. If you have any questions please add them in the comments below. And to subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media, follow the links below.

GET INVOLVED:

 

735: There’s No Freedom in the Middle

678: Take Responsibility

You need to take responsibility for your choices, your attitude, your goals and your progress. It’s long past time you stop blaming your circumstances! It’s time to take full responsibility, no matter what your situation.

In today’s episode, I passionately call for you to take full responsibility. It’s always easier to blame someone else or on the fact you don’t have enough time, money or energy. There’s always an excuse, and they’re often valid and easy to rationalize. It does not matter! You need to take full responsibility if you wish to lead the life you desire. In today’s episode, I share how you can do this — starting today.

I’ve written an article that accompanies this, where I dive deeper into the importance of taking full responsibility for your life and goals. Whether you choose to read, listen or both, make today the day you draw a line in the sand and make huge progress.

IN TODAY’S SHOW YOU WILL LEARN:

  1. How important it is for you to take full responsibility of your goals, your time and your life.
  2. That there will always be a valid excuse for what you can’t do, but how it does not matter because it remains within your control (and it remains YOUR choice).
  3. How I was inspired to record today’s episode after a conversation with Sarah, and how we both spotted a common pattern among members of the 12 Weeks to Transformation.
  4. That you can still make GREAT choices no matter what your situation is (and no matter how little time, money or energy you have).
  5. What the first step to taking full responsibility looks like (and how you can do this right now — starting today!)
  6. What life looks on the other side of all this, and the incredible impact it has on your health, mindset and relationships.
  7. How taking full responsibility has no boundaries (you choose to do this with your work, family life, health and everything else that is part of YOUR life)

TODAY’S RESOURCES:

I looked at Sarah and said, “isn’t it amazing how few people take full responsibility for their lives and are so quick to blame others?”

Sarah helps me manage the 12 Weeks to Transformation, ensuring everything runs smoothly and that each member gets the accountability and action they deserve. She updated me on various members, as she does each week.

Nobody blatantly blamed someone else, but a common pattern I spotted was that everyone had a reason for why they couldn’t watch a video, complete an action, make progress this week, and so on…

It dawned on me: hardly anyone takes full responsibility for their life.

I didn’t use to. For a long time, I would blame someone else or my situation.
I always had a reason why I couldn’t achieve what I wanted to:

  • Not enough time.
  • Not enough money at the moment.
  • My job is too exhausting.
  • My partner doesn’t support me.
  • Hormones…

I was able to validate all these excuses, too. The truth was, I didn’t have enough time or money. My job did exhaust me. My personal life would sometimes get in the way of my personal growth and diet.

I had a valid reason to blame my situation.
Most people do. Life is often crazy, so there’s always an excuse.

But so what?
Does it really matter?

Whatever your situation, your life remains YOUR life.

It’s Time to Take Full Responsibility No Matter What!

It’s always easier to blame someone or something else. It’s comfortable. So long as you have a reason why you can’t, you feel justified staying within your comfort zone.

It’s safe.
It’s comfortable.

But you’re not here to live a comfortable life. You’re here to live a FULL, meaningful one. You only get one, after all. Do you really want to arrive on your deathbed with regrets? Looking back at all the things you would have liked to do, but didn’t because you couldn’t find the time, money or energy?

The bottom line is, you will always have a valid excuse as to why you can’t. It’s doesn’t matter. You cannot let this prevent you from taking full responsibility for your life, your actions and your choices.

Taking full responsibility is a choice. It’s one you have always had and always will.
And it’s one you have right now (no matter what your current situation is).

Nobody Else Can Build The Life You Want But You!

I recorded the episode that inspired this article on a whim. I intended to record a science-based episode, but couldn’t get this idea of taking full responsibility out of my head.

I see it holding so many people back.
Not just those inside the 12 Weeks to Transformation

  • But listeners who send me emails…
  • Friends and family members I speak to…
  • People I see online, sharing messages on social media…

They validate why they can’t.
Instead of finding a reason why they can.

Life isn’t easy. There will always be “something” that stands in your way. There is never the perfect time, perfect situation or a period where the stars align. If that’s what you’re waiting for, you’ll wait forever.

… until one day you lay on that deathbed and have nothing but your past to look back on.

This is your life. It’s yours to take full responsibility for and do what you want to do and what you need to. Nobody else will give you the life you desire. They’re all busy living their own lives.

All you can do is focus on yours. Once you do, you won’t only serve YOU but those around you, too.

An aspect of the stoic philosophy I love surrounds the notion that how you lead yourself is more important than how you lead others.

  • If you want to be the best parent you can be, focus on YOU!
  • If you want to be the best leader at work, focus on YOU!
  • If you want to be the best partner you can, focus on YOU!

Take full responsibility of your life. Be there for others,  but don’t sacrifice what you need for their cause. It leads to resentment and frustration and does nothing but fuel those excuses as to why you can’t.

You can, but you never will until you take full responsibility.

How To Take Full Responsibility (no matter what your situation is)

I talk about this in greater detail in the episode that accompanies this article. I encourage you to listen to it in full, because not only do I share some tactical advice that will help you take action TODAY… but I also share a few stories, examples and anecdotes.

Listen to the latest episode of the Primal Potential podcast here ⇒ 

I’ll keep things simple with this article. If you want to take full responsibility of your life:

  1. Be conscious of when you’re not taking full responsibility
  2. Practice the aft of taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY!

That’s it. Simple, I know.
But this doesn’t have to be hard.

I talk about this more in the episode, but it comes down to YOU being aware when you’re blaming someone else or the situation you’re in. If you find yourself coming up with reasons why you can’t, you are choosing NOT to take full responsibility.

It’s a sign to stop and step back, and think about what taking full responsibility looks like.

It’s a practice.
It’s a repetition.

The more you do this, the easier it gets. Bit-by-bit you regain control of your goals, feelings, emotions, and life overall. You take control of those inner conversations and the ones you have with others.

You feel calmer and at peace.
You find it easier to let go.

You realize it is a choice, which gives you all you need to build the life you deserve.
You only get one. The sooner you take full responsibility for it the sooner you get to live it fully and freely.


Thanks for reading this today. Please listen to the podcast that accompanies this article in full, as I passionately talk about why taking full responsibility for your life is so important.

I didn’t intend to record this but felt compelled to.
Not taking full responsibility held me back for so long.
I see it negatively affect other people each day, and I want it to stop.

It is a choice, and it’s one you can make (right now).

In the episode, I talk in greater depth about how you can, as well as give you a few practical tips on what I did and still do (click here to listen to the episode in full)

Thanks again for listening and reading. If you have any questions about this, please add them in the comments below. And to subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media, follow the links below.

GET INVOLVED: