739: The Key to Consistency

Consistency is the key to results, but it can be hard to maintain that consistency when you are feeling frustrated, angry, apathetic or exhausted. In today’s episode, we’ve got the ticket to unshakable consistency.

Don’t miss episode 738!

 

 

 

701: 4 Keys to Creating Change

Let’s gear up for a new year and a new decade by diving into 4 essential keys to creating change in your life!

  1. Daily alignment must be a priority
  2. Don’t let yourself get away with incomplete thinking
  3. Give more to the solution than to the problem
  4. Ditch the drama

To register for the Winter 2020 12 Weeks to Transformation, click here. Registration is now open!

Grab Your Spot!

 

Vacation State of Mind

I’m celebrating because I’m on vacation, in BERMUDA! I wanted to take a minute to share with you my intention/strategy for this trip.

If you’d rather listen to this email than read it, please click here. Otherwise, keep reading below.

Vacation used to be a total free-for-all. I’d eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted because, hey, ‘it’s vacation’. The problem was, I’d feel awful. Heavy. Tired. Self-conscious.

I’d come home feeling like I had to crawl out of a hole I dug for myself. It sucked. It wasn’t worth it and I didn’t have as much fun as I could have because the trip was clouded by thoughts about food and food choices. No bueno.

Then, I swung in the opposite direction. For a couple years, I sat on the sidelines. I was militant about my work, my workouts and my food choices. Sure, I was rested and my energy was great, but I was using “structure” as a barrier to connection and experience.

I told myself this story that indulging equals fun and not indulging equals not fun.

Fortunately, I now realize that’s total BS. It’s not either/or. And if it feels like it is, you’re doing it wrong.

I can eat in a way that makes me feel amazing AND really treat myself AND enjoy every bite of food that passes my lips without missing out. It’s really all about the story you tell yourself and the perspective you choose. There is always another way. Dozens of other ways. I will be looking for foods I will LOVE and enjoy eating that will also make me feel amazing (helllllllo ceviche & fresh fish!)

I see every day as an opportunity to enjoy life more and live in alignment with what I want most, so I thought I’d take a few minutes to share my perspective on this trip.

First – I want to feel amazing every single day. I want to feel happy, lighthearted, present, confident and energized.

My first step is to get clear on what kinds of things will make me feel that way and what kinds of things won’t make me feel that way.

Do:

Get lots of sleep
Journal every morning
Sweat every day
Play every day – prioritize FUN and connection
Drink lots of water

Don’t:

Overeat
Make choices that make me feel crappy
Submit to insecurity. Sexy is in how you carry yourself and drama ain’t sexy.
Work too much
Take anything too seriously
Worry

There’s a real simple filter I’ll put my choices through: will this make me feel amazing? If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. Maybe a bite of the dessert will make me feel amazing but having the whole thing is a NO.

Yes, I’ll work every day. I’ve set boundaries for myself that work is between 5am-10am.

Yes, I’ll drink alcohol. I’ll only choose drinks that are really worth it and I won’t have more than 1 drink per day. (More than that and I’m likely to not feel how I want to feel.)

Yes, I might indulge in sugar, but only if it’s worth it and only in a way that still allows me to feel how I want to feel (amazing). (As long as the internet connection is good, I plan to post everything I eat/drink on my IG stories)

However, my biggest focus isn’t on work, workouts, food or alcohol. It’s about connection.

Worrying about how I look in a bathing suit does NOT foster connection with the boyfriend. In fact, it’s a barrier to it. So, I’ll be choosing PRESENCE over projection.

Worrying about the emails that come in at 11am won’t help me connect with the boyfriend. That would be a barrier to connection, so I’ll keep my attention on the moment we’re in.

While these are my vacation practices, they’re also totally applicable to TODAY! To this week at work! For your dinner out tomorrow or absolutely any other time so try them on for size!

I asked you guys over in the Primal Potential FB group if you wanted to hear about podcast about the trip & the strategy in action and the answer was a resounding ‘yes’ so be sure to stay tuned for that soon!

Oh! And don’t forget that I’m doing free weekly coaching videos for everyone who is on the wait list for the summer 12 WT! Here’s a link to get on the wait list if you aren’t on it already!

If You Want Better Answers, Start By Asking Better Questions

The following is adapted from Chasing Cupcakes

You’re stuck on a problem you can’t seem to solve. You bang your head against the wall, coming up with solution after solution and trying desperately to figure out what’s holding you back.

But what’s keeping you stuck almost certainly isn’t the problem itself—it’s your approach to solving it. Instead of focusing on the solution, you’re defending your behavior or making a case for the validity of your problem. Your top priority is being right, not getting it right.

No judgment here. I’ve done this. In fact, we all have.

The right questions can set you free from this trap, by making clear the steps between you and your solution, clearing out any emotional filters at play, and illuminating incorrect assumptions holding you back.

If your questions don’t lead you to improved action, you aren’t asking the right questions.

To help you with this, I’ll share a story from my life that demonstrates the power of better questions, then offer a couple powerful strategies for finding the right answers.

 

How the Right Questions Helped My Sister

 

A couple years ago, while I was preparing for ASCEND, a Primal Potential weekend workshop, I invited my mom and sister out to dinner. I wanted to try out an activity in advance of the event and they were about to be my guinea pigs.

I explained that I wanted to do a workshop at ASCEND where participants could only communicate via questions. No statements or explanations, just questions.

At dinner, I asked my mom and sister if one of them would be willing to share a problem, in the form of a question, to kick off our little dinnertime experiment.

Debi, my sister, asked, “How do I balance getting out of debt and enjoying my life?”

To be honest, her question floored me. Years earlier, we’d agreed to stop talking to each other about money. Given our different approaches to finances (I’m a saver, she’s a spender), those conversations never ended well, so we’d cut them off.

After a few initial questions, we cut right to the heart it: her spending habits.

“Can you spend less money?” I asked.

Debi paused for a moment, then replied, “What if I don’t want to spend less money?”

I admired her honesty and used my next round of questions to further explore that.

“Are you really enjoying your life with the financial stress you have right now? Is this the way you want things to be? It seems like you don’t want to spend less because you associate spending more with enjoying your life more? But are you enjoying life right now? Is it possible that spending less would actually allow you to enjoy life more?”

She sat quietly. She was considering, open-mindedly this time, that maybe spending less would allow her to actually enjoy life more, not the other way around. There was something more true than the story she had been clinging to about her spending.

Since that conversation, Debi’s finances have transformed. The discipline she now brings to her financial choices has allowed her to enjoy life more, not less, because she’s gradually eliminating one of her biggest stressors: money problems.

 

Pause Often to Ask Yourself Questions

 

That short exercise with Debi was a starting point—it represented a shift in the way she was willing to think about money and her ability to create change.

The questions themselves didn’t create results for Debi and they won’t for you, either. But they did open a door that Debi then had the discipline to walk through.

To fully unlock the power of great questions, you need to get into the habit of asking them regularly. You can probably think of moments from this past week when you would have benefitted from slowing down and asking yourself the right questions.

Maybe you got worked up after a tense staff meeting, or said some things you regret after a breakup. Perhaps you gave into temptation and splurged on junk food.

Next time you confront these moments, what if you took three minutes to ask yourself questions, or called someone who was willing to ask questions of you?

You might be saying: “What should I ask myself, or have someone else ask me?”

That’s a good question! Here are a few thought-provoking ones to start with:

What’s a choice I can make right now that would leave me feeling great tomorrow?

Have I already made up my mind on this issue? If so, what led me to that point?

What actually happened? How do I feel about what happened? What’s the difference?

 

What to Do When You Don’t Know the Answer

 

You’ll get better at coming up with the right questions the more you practice asking them, but what do you do when you don’t know the answer to your question?

In my experience, we often dismiss questions by saying “I don’t know” or “I’m confused” to avoid taking ownership of our role in a solution and delay doing work.

To be honest, those responses are cop-outs.

You don’t have to know the answer, but you are capable of finding it.

“I don’t know” might mean “I need to take some action or do some work to get clearer on an answer or solution.” If that’s the case, ask yourself, “How can I find the answer?” or “What might be the answer? What are some options?”

Knowledge is not a prerequisite for action. Knowledge is an end result of action.

If you aren’t sure of an answer, take action. Do something. You’ll learn from what you try. Stop holding yourself back from action because you’re waiting for answers. Create the answers. They are waiting for you on the other side of intelligent action.

Don’t wait to think up a solution. Create it. Travel to it. Your solutions are in your progress and attention. You’ll always learn more from action than from thought.

For more advice on asking better questions, you can find Chasing Cupcakes on Amazon.

405: 3 Strategies For Massive Change

405: 3 Strategies For Massive Change

“If you don’t believe in affirmations, go into your child’s bathroom and write ‘I am a loser’ on their mirror.”

I posted this quote on Instagram the other day (with the disclaimer “please don’t actually do this, whether you believe in affirmations or not”).

The email responses that came from that post told me loud & clear: we need to talk about the way we talk to & about ourselves.

That’s what today’s episode is all about – how and why we need to change the way we talk to & about ourselves.

Lots of people know their negativity isn’t helping, but they feel like they can’t stop it.

Today I introduce 3 powerful strategies to help you make the single change that could make the most difference in your progress & overall happiness:

  • The neutral redirect
  • The empowering redirect
  • The positive redirect

Don’t miss it!

Listen Now

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Resources

In today’s episode I mentioned that I created a list of my favorite products from Thrive Market. You can download it here.

In October 2019, our relationship with Thrive Market changed. They decided to put their marketing dollars in avenues outside of podcasting but we still think they’re a good choice if you’re looking to save money on health & personal care products.

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